Tell me DE basics

J&D2007

I'm learning about our options since c.crm basically said we have crappy embryos. DH is not willing to go through more Ivfs financially or emotionally. I'm a little bit addicted to them so I have to listen to him! It is so hard to give up when we get a beautiful blast, but I guess enough is enough at some point. Anyway, can you give me the basic details on donor eggs. I know very little. You 'adopt' them either frozen or fresh? Do you go through your RE to start or through a bank? Why wouldn't you choose frozen if its cheaper and easier and you already guaranteed a certain number of eggs? When are they frozen? Day 1? Is the success rate a lot different between frozen and fresh (DH sperm seems fine). Are there photos with the profiles of donors? How much money are we talking about here? I have a million questions, but lets start there! Also, my sister was here all weekend and she offered to be a donor. She is a year older than me but has 3 healthy children. I have no qualms at all about the situation being uncomfortable, we have a very easy relationship. I just wonder if its worth the money and emotional stress to have her go through it at her age just so I have a known donor that has some of my genetics. Is there an age restriction for fresh donors?

Mrs.McIrish

My best advice is to sit on this for a few weeks at least. I know you are heartbroken right now so it's really best to wait until the initial pain is a bit duller. You don't know that your one embryo is abnormal either right now. All that said, I will try to answer you the best I can: 1) can you clarify what you meant by "it's thought to stop when you get a beautiful blast"? Are you referring to prior cycles? I always get concerned that people jump to donor eggs and don't realize that it often times is not a quick fix. Lots of women are told it is their eggs but it is really some type of immunological issue. DE won't fix that. It can be another roller coaster with cancellations/ failures etc. 2) You don't adopt donor eggs. If you use an agency, you will have a contract with the donor. If you use a inhouse pool, you have a contract with the clinic and the donor has a contract with the clinic relinquishing any rights to the eggs. 3) Fresh or frozen? Until recently, ASRM still considered frozen eggs experimental. Most places do not have the capability or expertise to freeze eggs and thaw them correctly. There are very few places that you should even consider for frozen eggs. Run away from 99% of places who offer it. I'm going to RBA who is the pioneer of frozen eggs. I would not even use one of their affiliates who they "taught" the technology. There's still a lot for them to learn and I'm no longer willing to be a guinea pig. Frozen egg cycles are not reported to SART so it's not really possible to compare success rates in the regular way. Some people chose to use an egg agency who you pay to find the donor. They don't do any medical testi g so you can find yourself with a donor who your RE won't approve but you're stuck with that agency(no refunds). Using an agency is usually the most expensive way but you are getting all the eggs (some really want the potential for siblings so that is important to them. Others like clinics with in house pools. You may get all the eggs or share with other recipients. You pay more for more eggs or your recipient place (2nd or 3rd). There may be waiting lists. There are also some guarantee programs as well. Some clinics send you a few profiles to consider and others you look yourself..Some only give you childhood photos-others adult photos. 4) As for your sister, if she is 38, I think you'd have a hard time getting an RE to let you use her. When I had insurance coverage for DE, they would not allow a known donor over 36. Most programs don't allow donors over 30. How long ago did your sister have her last child? To me, it would be too risky.

Lacyj67

So let me just tell you how my situation went down....
We knew after three poor response ivfs that we would have to move to donor eggs due to my AMH being a 0.02 and negative before that. So I had lots of time to deal with the donor thing most likely happening for us. My husband has great sperm so he was for sure wanting to use it if we could afford that. When we for sure made the choice to move to donor eggs or embryo adoption we had a meeting with our RE.
We kinda got lucky they had a donor already picked out for me which is a rare situation because we were going to share her with another couple. She was exactly what I would of picked. We even both have a lot of similar features and also both happen to be hairstylists. Also I learned that if we didn't do a shared cycle it would of cost around 20-25 thousand dollars!!! Yeah we could afford that. So since we split the eggs she produced with another couple.... We paid about 12 thousand. Much more doable. We got to get 12 eggs and fertilized them with my DHs sperm. We got 8 that made it to day five freeze which is pretty remarkable. My donor has chosen to be anonymous so all I got was a phot of her. But bonus I also got to see pictures of her three year old girl and twin boys. Pretty awesome.
Good luck and I hope this answered a few of your questions. I know the price is a lot and that's why we considered embryo adoption as well... That is more in the 10k range.

J&D2007

Thank you both so much. Mrs.mcirish, I was referring to previous cycles. We get one normal blast with each cycle that is graded very well, so it is hard to quit, but I don't know what else to do. I have had every test in the book so the problem has to be poor egg quality they say (the eggs also 'look' normal, so it has to be something) . I just can't see spending $20,000 in cash every few months to get a single embryo. It's starting to get nuts. Thanks for the info on the frozen eggs. I didn't realize it was experimental. I like the somewhat impersonal nature of it and the accessibility of it, but I definitely will heed your warning there. Lacy, thanks for the cost info, I'd definitely be interested in sharing a cycle otherwise we would have to wait a long time to afford another $20k, although if its not my aging eggs, that may not matter! Anyway, I'm not making any decisions right now, but it does make me feel a lot better to know that there is another option to consider that I may be able to live with instead of this being the end of it for us. Thank you both very much.

Mrs.McIrish

J&d- very recently ASRM removed the experimental label from frozen eggs but you still need to be careful where you go. I am using frozen eggs this time because I didn't want a real live donor involved (had one quit Mid-cycle last year) and wanted to feel more in charge (the eggs are already there waiting for me). It can be a great option for some. RBA does well with frozen. I've heard some good things with 2 other places in the Pacific NW for frozen. Elsewhere I would not touch at this point in time. Be careful about prices. The adage "you get what you pay for" typically rings true. We opted for a clinic with an in house pool that gave you a guarantee on 5-7 fresh mature eggs. Sadly they have a terrible success rates and you'll have to go a few times to maybe get pregnant. It was much cheaper which should have been a red flag to me. It was a huge lesson for me. Also with sharing, you can get stuck with just a few eggs if the donor performs poorly. Everything is risky. I've had 2 DE failures so we opted for the more expensive live birth guarantee with RBA. I couldn't just shell out $ and get nothing this time.

brooklynesque

Hi, J&D. Sorry you are dealing with this. I hope your embie turns out normal and the question of DE becomes moot. I turned to donor eggs after multiple OE IVF failures. My hormone levels didn't look bad and I'd produce six to nine eggs each time but they just wouldn't mature. A few thoughts -- and I might have a few more tonight when I'm not on iPhone:

-- Donor cycles are expensive, and you want to avoid multiple fresh cycles, so it's worth traveling to a good DE clinic if need be -- don't go to your hometown RE without good reason. (I stuck with mine but my hometown RE is NYU; I love my RE and they have decent stats and a great lab.) A donor cycle resembles an FET for the recipient so there generally isn't the need to hang around for a week plus so travel is less onerous than for a fresh OE cycle.

-- If you're strongly considering the DE route it makes sense to book a session with an IF therapist who knows a lot about third party reproduction so that you can make sure you and your DH have thought about issues pertaining to disclosure and are on the same page before going forward with a cycle. Most people these days choose to disclose to the child starting when they're young, as the psychological research has demonstrated pretty strongly that kids are much better off if they're told early and often than if they find out when they're older. And IMO they will find out -- genetic testing is so easy these days, they'll be able to do it behind your back.

-- I used an agency, which is the more expensive route. The benefits are much more choice in donors, often more info on the donors, and the possibility of contact with the donor later on (most in-house programs will refuse to facilitate this). You might not think the latter item is important now but make sure you think through it from the perspective of your future child(ren). Most agency cycles are exclusive cycles. We were lucky and ended up with a lot of frosties for siblings, so it is unlikely we will need to do a fresh cycle again. In that regard we may actually come out ahead money-wise. But it is more expensive and there are no guarantees -- unless you do a guarantee program.

Good luck as you consider your options. I know there's a lot to think about, and it's not easy to wrap your mind around the concept of DE at first. It was a big adjustment for me but now I'm very happy and have few regrets.

Sophistikitty

I am not sure how you feel about staying at the clinic you are at but I wanted to mention that they offer a guarantee program (well sort of) if you use vitrified eggs from one of their pre-screened donors.  The refund can only be applied to another cycle though and there are no refunds if the second cycle fails.  So essentially it is a two for one deal. There stats are amazing and since you have already passed their inspection it may be an easier way to go than starting out with another clinic.  The only issue with their donors is that you only see childhood photos.  Some people are fine with that but we just weren’t comfortable with that so we went with an agency.