People need to stop calling me "momma"

wtfisup

That is not my name. My mother and a few friends have used it. It grosses me out and annoys me. My identity? Has not changed. And when a baby squeezes out of my genitals? My name will still be the same. That kid is the only one to use that moniker. 

A friend of mine warned me a long time ago that, "when you're pregnant, that's the only thing people see you as. You're no longer seen as a person with interests and intellect that can have conversation. You're just a big uterus." Dear god, I think this was gospel, and I can't imagine what it will be like when I'm actually showing more. 

/end rant

LindsayDesigner

I don't really look as it as a loss of identity, just a change. I didn't become any less of a person because I got married and had a baby. I just gained a few more titles.

I'm still Lindsay.

ElTrain5

Ugh this!!! It's so creepy to me when nurses do it. And I don't mean the occasional "ok mom and baby will be dicharged today". One nurse when my sister delivered was all like "ok mommy, time to scoot off the table now mommy! C'mon mommeeeee, one more push!" Wow. Creeper McCreeperson.

SchoolPsychSteph

I hate when people say, :"how are ya feelin momma?" I ain't your momma, leave me alone!

wtfisup

I plan to fight this pretty hard. It's important to me. I've worked really hard to get to where I am now; I'm starting a new job I LOVE in a week and entering an awesome stage in my career. I have a pretty solid sense of self, and I don't want to my role as a parent to dissolve that. And, I don't know, that ability to develop one's self is also one of the things I most want to teach my kid: that it won't be a person I try to craft into a vision or own, but that it will be a child who will someday be its own human in the world. 

Anyway, blargh. 

dragonfly711

My neighbor says it to me. I don't care at all. I am proud. After having a loss in feb. I will take anything people want to say if it still means I am pregnant and having a healthy baby.

Not much really bothers me though.

nunzchucks

SchoolPsychSteph said:

I hate when people say, :"how are ya feelin momma?" I ain't your momma, leave me alone!

Haha! This!

katiebartton

I don't mind it, if anything I enjoy when someone says it to me, there have been a lot of times where I thought I would never have the chance or make it far enough in a pregnancy to have someone call me Momma. I'm enjoying ever minute of it and am beyond excited for the opportunity.

Maybe my opinion will change in a couple years?

katekat8721

The worst is "how you doing momma" while they're rubbing your blump. *cringes*

Pepper6

It depends on who says it and how often. Stranger I just met who refuses to call me anything other than momma? Fuck off. Family member who sees me for the first time after finding out I'm pregnant? No problem.

MommaAshley12

katiebartton said:

I don't mind it, if anything I enjoy when someone says it to me, there have been a lot of times where I thought I would never have the chance or make it far enough in a pregnancy to have someone call me Momma. I'm enjoying ever minute of it and am beyond excited for the opportunity.

Maybe my opinion will change in a couple years?

Feel you sister. I love it!

flerlgirl

I have friends who say this to women who don't have kids. It doesn't really bother me. My identity isn't totally about me being a mother but right now that's a big part of it. 

yayksimp

My mother in law keeps calling me momma, and I know it's just going to get worse as I get bigger-- and after the baby is born.  My MIL and FIL both refer to my MIL as Mother or Momma.  

That is so not me. My name is Karen, and becoming a mother doesn't change me into that and nothing else.

I had to have a talk with DH some months ago, before I got pregnant, about not referring to me as Mommy because I'm a "mommy" to the DOGS. I guess because that's what he grew up with. So I know I'm going to have a battle on my hands. He wont be allowed to call me Mommy unless he's talking TO our child, never to me. 

Now gotta work on the parents in law.

k318

As long as it comes from a good place I don't mind. Yes I am still my own person but right now my priority is my ds and this one on the way. And that changes a lot of who I am.. Sure, my life has changed and my identity has changed, but it's something I'm proud of. I embrace it when people call me mama. Also, I find that a lot of time that is a way for people to adjust to my new identity and lifestyle, especially those who have known me for a long time. Being a mom isn't all that I am, I am still me but mom role is the most important and prominent one I have right now.

Even at work when people call me mama it doesn't bother me in the slightest. It is usually because the are happy for me. It does not lessen me professionally or make people forget about my accomplishments and what I do to reach my career goals. I am mama but I am still L. It just gets "worse" once baby gets here so may as well embrace it!

wtfisup

My baby is important to me; taking on a "mommy" identity is not something I plan to do. I will be a mother to exactly one person in the world, and not to anyone else. And right now, that's not my most important role. Very little of my life right now is about the baby. I'm a friend, partner, teacher, designer -- I'm not a mom right yet. And when I am, that's still going to be a pretty private part of my life. (I know others feel that parenting starts when you get pregnant, and that's totally fine. People experience things differently.) 

I do think this is probably different for folks who have dreamed of and wanted motherhood for a long time. As someone who's not very into kids generally (but excited for my own) and who didn't want kids for most of my life, it's not something I've looked forward to like others have. 

wtfisup

yayksimp said:

I had to have a talk with DH some months ago, before I got pregnant, about not referring to me as Mommy because I'm a "mommy" to the DOGS. I guess because that's what he grew up with. So I know I'm going to have a battle on my hands. He wont be allowed to call me Mommy unless he's talking TO our child, never to me. 

Now gotta work on the parents in law.

Hah, my husband actually brought this up. He said, "I don't want to call you 'mom' when I talk to the kid. Can I just say 'your mom' instead?" I was thankful. Actually, I think that's what my parents did: directly, they always referred to each other by name. 

MamaDuck2013

I remember feeling the exact same way with my first. I was 38 and had a great career...it is hard for the first year or two because you do feel that people do look at you as just a mom and not as all the other things that make you up. It does get a little better as they get older...and as a side note, I have always refused to do the matching mother daughter outfits lol. I am getting ready to take a new role at work and it is funny how people look at me differently this time around. No one has asked if I am coming back and just look at it as another life event. Do what you need to do to keep your own identity...people will treat you with whatever vibe you put out.

wtfisup

MamaDuck2013 said:

I remember feeling the exact same way with my first. I was 38 and had a great career...it is hard for the first year or two because you do feel that people do look at you as just a mom and not as all the other things that make you up. It does get a little better as they get older...and as a side note, I have always refused to do the matching mother daughter outfits lol. I am getting ready to take a new role at work and it is funny how people look at me differently this time around. No one has asked if I am coming back and just look at it as another life event. Do what you need to do to keep your own identity...people will treat you with whatever vibe you put out.

You terrified me at "matching outfits," but I like the end sentiment.  

MamaDuck2013

Lol...you should see the matchy matchy outfits they sell around the holidays- scares me too...just as a side note, I have relaxed a bit over the years and am proud to be dd's mama at school...you may or may not relax a bit over time...but I do understand the feelings you are going through:)

obscurereference

Unless you want your toddlers/young children to call you by your first name, you'll refer to each other as Mommy and Daddy when around them. At least until they're old enough to understand that you can have more than one name. Do you really want your kid to say "I pooped my pants, I need a new dipe Lydia"? Pretty sure you'll rather they say mommy, especially in public!

MaidMarion25

Everyone calls me pregnant lady and it drives me crazy! And I hate that people think it's okay to rub my belly even when I tell them not to and they are like, "how is my baby?" Excuse me? This is MY baby in MY belly and I have a name!!!

wtfisup

gatewols said:

Unless you want your toddlers/young children to call you by your first name, you'll refer to each other as Mommy and Daddy when around them. At least until they're old enough to understand that you can have more than one name. Do you really want your kid to say "I pooped my pants, I need a new dipe Lydia"? Pretty sure you'll rather they say mommy, especially in public!

I never called my parents by their first names, even though they used them with each other.

Though my friend's kid sometimes calls her "LoLo," because that's what her nephew uses.

wtfisup

MaidMarion25 said:

Everyone calls me pregnant lady and it drives me crazy! And I hate that people think it's okay to rub my belly even when I tell them not to and they are like, "how is my baby?" Excuse me? This is MY baby in MY belly and I have a name!!!

AGGGHH. My MIL recently started saying "our baby." It totally raises my hackles.

MaidMarion25

wtfisup said:

MaidMarion25 said:

Everyone calls me pregnant lady and it drives me crazy! And I hate that people think it's okay to rub my belly even when I tell them not to and they are like, "how is my baby?" Excuse me? This is MY baby in MY belly and I have a name!!!

AGGGHH. My MIL recently started saying "our baby." It totally raises my hackles.

Yes! Both my mil and fil say "we are having a baby"! No your not! I know your excited but they just don't know when to back off.

MollySm

I normally call H by our regular names (babe, sweets, whatever), but I am with Lucia so often (and when I talk about him to her I call him Dada) that I sometimes forget and call him Dada when I am talking to him.  It's not a big deal for us.  He is many wonderful things, and Dada is one of them.