Breast feeding in public ???

ChristineBaker23

I think that by making people uncomfortable by not being discrete hurts the cause. You're not going to make people more comfortable with breastfeeding by breast gesturing is all I'm saying. Not saying I haven't flashed a few people just that I was trying not to. I think that if people can see that breastfeeding can be done without waving breasts around then they might be more accepting. You have to start small and win over people to discrete breastfeeding before you can work them up to full exposure type nursing. It just turns people off if they are made uncomfortable by exposed breasts. Most people never even knew I was busing even without a cover because I wasn't being super obvious about it.

On that note I don't give a crap really how anyone else NIPs. I just don't think it's polite to not take I others feelings I to some consideration(to an extent)

ChristineBaker23

emotionlotion said:

ChristineBaker23 said:

I believe in nursing in public in a discrete fashion. You don't have to shove the fact that you are nursing down someone's throat to make it socially acceptable. I think it's perfectly reasonable to keep things on the DL and NIP at the same time which can be done with or without a cover depending on your level of mad skill.

Yes, but that is your own interpretation that someone is forcing it down your throat. That attitude that if a woman doesn't cover up fast enough for you and then you make a big deal about it is showing a lack of support for NIP.

Just like it's your interpretation that everyone should be super a ok with boobs like us bf-ers.

MrsRahl

You women who are offended by BF in public then BETTER not be changing your kid in public either. And I KNOW you are doing that, hypocrite. So stop being such a prude weirdo and sexualizing everything. You're the one with the problem and your thoughts in the gutter. Not us. Your kids learn what you teach them otherwise why would people in tribes be walking around topless? Because no one cares. It's a boob. Get over yourself.

catsinawindow

On a separate note, is anyone else loving the term "breast gesturing"?  I'm imagining directing traffic with my boobies.  :P

ChristineBaker23

Ugh! I was spelling it discreet earlier then my phone auto corrected me and I got confused. Thank you for letting me know. This pregnancy brain is killer.

ChristineBaker23

MrsRahl said:

You women who are offended by BF in public then BETTER not be changing your kid in public either. And I KNOW you are doing that, hypocrite. So stop being such a prude weirdo and sexualizing everything. You're the one with the problem and your thoughts in the gutter. Not us. Your kids learn what you teach them otherwise why would people in tribes be walking around topless? Because no one cares. It's a boob. Get over yourself.

Amen!! I also change my kid in public. Not at the dinner table but I will do it in public. If people want us to nurse in private and only change our kids in bathrooms I fully expect to be provided with a swanky nursing parlor in all public buildings and a full baby changing station in every bathroom. Until then, I do what I want!

ChristineBaker23

lisagde said:

On a separate note, is anyone else loving the term "breast gesturing"?  I'm imagining directing traffic with my boobies.  :P

I swear that's what it was like. Just bizarre. I have never felt the need to nurse in such a manner lol.

ChristineBaker23

lisagde said:

ChristineBaker23 said:

I believe in nursing in public in a discrete fashion. You don't have to shove the fact that you are nursing down someone's throat to make it socially acceptable. I think it's perfectly reasonable to keep things on the DL and NIP at the same time which can be done with or without a cover depending on your level of mad skill.

The thing is I honestly don't see why I, or anyone else, should have to "keep it on the DL".  If someone sees an inch of the top of my breast or *gasp* a slip of nipple during latching/unlatching, is that really so terrible?  Plus, as I mentioned before, everyone's notion of "discrete" is different.  Some people would be horrified by your NIP with a cover.

Finally, no mom NIP is "shoving the fact that they are nursing" down anyone's throat.  We are simply feeding our babies.

Well, to clarify, my definition of indiscrete NIP would be boob gesturing. A little boob and the occasional nip slip is to be expected but brandishing your boob like a banner at the general public is a little over the top for me.

ChristineBaker23

Crap I misspelled discreet again

ChristineBaker23

Modesty does not mean I'm against NIP. It simply means I prefer to be modest about it. As in not waving my boob around for five minutes before the baby is anywhere near it.

ChristineBaker23

My child will not be sheltered from breastfeeding but I do expect her to understand that everyone doesn't want to see a breast flopping around (and our breasts are floppy by kid #2). There is a line between how much should be exposed in public versus what should be kept at home and I intend to raise my children to know that line. That line is different for everyone. In my home, we walk around naked, pee with the door open, shower together, and breastfeed as willy nilly as we please. In public, we wear clothes, pee in a stall, wear a bathing suit to get wet, and nurse in a modest way. That's my house. I don't care what yours does.

ChristineBaker23

I don't believe I have said anything judgy. Except the boob gesturer, and I only said I felt that was odd. Not that she shouldn't be allowed to do it. Only that I don't feel it's necessary. But never have I said someone should not be allowed to do something.

ChristineBaker23

I actually am feeling very judged because I'm not a fan of boob gestures. Aren't I allowed to not be judged as well?

ChristineBaker23

You guys need to lighten up. You're acting like you're in a crusade against me when I'm just one person with an opinion that OBVIOUSLY no one shares.

Erica314

This is how I imagine I will feel after I NIP for the first time.  DEAL WITH IT!

ChristineBaker23

No.
I am pro NIP but I also am understanding of those who are not and will do my best to respect their view as I expect them to respect mine. I will nurse modestly and discretely despite the fact that I could just go all willy nilly with it the same way I expect them to not say anything about me nursing in public despite their discomfort with it.
I am not saying it is MY view that the exposure is inappropriate simply that is the view of others and I will respect their views as well.
Which is the millionth time I have said the same thing.

ChristineBaker23

Erica314 said:

This is how I imagine I will feel after I NIP for the first time.  DEAL WITH IT!

That is how you should feel.

wtfisup

ChristineBaker23 said:

Example: my father in law gets a little sweaty and twitchy if I nurse without a cover. So I cover up in front of him. It's not his fault it makes him uncomfortable.

I've seen people get a little bug eyed or even point about public nursing so I assume they are a little uncomfortable. So I simply try not to make a breast cupping and gesturing scene out of it.

And about the peeing in private, if you went in a ladies bathroom that had no stalls just a row of toilets would you be uncomfortable peeing? I personally would not. I see it as a natural bodily function. I would not recommend putting a toilet at the dinner table though. I do agree that the nutritional values of breast milk differ from that of urine. I guess I worded things badly before. I admit peeing may have not been the right way to say it when I was speaking about the exposure of your lady business.

How is that not his issue? Some people are uncomfortable with seeing a woman in revealing clothes. Others are uncomfortable seeing gay couples. That's their issue.

And, nope, I wouldn't pee in this doorless bathroom. At all.

wtfisup

My breasts aren't genitals. Is that what lady bits means?

ChristineBaker23

I would pee in there in a heartbeat. It is a natural bodily function coming from naturally occurring body parts that no one should be ashamed of. Just like breastfeeding.
The thing is, we are expected to close a stall, so I will close a stall. Just as I will nurse modestly. Because that is what is socially acceptable.
Now if someone were to say you can't nurse out here I would tell them to suck it. Being asked to go in a closet is different than being asked to be discreet.

ChristineBaker23

wtfisup said:

My breasts aren't genitals. Is that what lady bits means?

I never said your boobs are genitals. I compared the fact that we are expected to cover our downstairs just as we are expected to cover the upstairs.

ChristineBaker23

joules235 said:

ChristineBaker23 said:

No.
I am pro NIP but I also am understanding of those who are not and will do my best to respect their view as I expect them to respect mine. I will nurse modestly and discretely despite the fact that I could just go all willy nilly with it the same way I expect them to not say anything about me nursing in public despite their discomfort with it.
I am not saying it is MY view that the exposure is inappropriate simply that is the view of others and I will respect their views as well.
Which is the millionth time I have said the same thing.

Is this a response to what I asked? When you are responding to somebody click the quote button at the bottom of the post so we know who/what you are talking about


Yes that was my response. Sorry I'm not very good with internet stuff. That's why I like your GIFs so much. I don't know how people post those.

temursgirl

Hi, lurker here... In my area BF/NIP is the norm, so people don't have issues and I rarely even notice when someone does it (unless I was checking out her baby!) I have seen two absolutely hilarious NIP "incidents." Once we were in a restaurant with DH's friend and his wife. We live in Silicon Valley, so sometimes, as was the case in this restaurant, there are mostly only men present. Suddenly, the wife unbuttons her shirt (no bra), pops out a boob, waves it around, eventually feeds baby, then waves it around some more. It was really funny! There were about two-hundred eyes fixed on our table. I don't think they were offended Another time I saw a woman in a cafe chatting with her friend. She got out an object I'll describe as a hot-pink sateen tent with a head-hole. She ensconced herself entirely in this thing. Turned out it was a nursing "cover." I don't know what she was doing in there, but the baby escaped out the bottom and started crawling away. I found this less discreet than the "boob gesturing" personally.

wtfisup

Here's the thing: women are policed by society all the time. Skirts too short, heels too high, not enough makeup, acting too assertive, talking too loudly. As a woman, it is not my job to make other people comfortable. If I'm not doing anything wrong, it's their job to deal with their issues. Or not. 

I hate this concept that women shouldn't impose on other people's comfort levels by doing totally normal things. 

ChristineBaker23

joules235 said:

ChristineBaker23 said:

joules235 said:

ChristineBaker23 said:

No.
I am pro NIP but I also am understanding of those who are not and will do my best to respect their view as I expect them to respect mine. I will nurse modestly and discretely despite the fact that I could just go all willy nilly with it the same way I expect them to not say anything about me nursing in public despite their discomfort with it.
I am not saying it is MY view that the exposure is inappropriate simply that is the view of others and I will respect their views as well.
Which is the millionth time I have said the same thing.

Is this a response to what I asked? When you are responding to somebody click the quote button at the bottom of the post so we know who/what you are talking about

Yes that was my response. Sorry I'm not very good with internet stuff. That's why I like your GIFs so much. I don't know how people post those.

Ok so you are pro NIP.
You want to be modest out of respect for others.
You also think that there shouldn't be a stigma against NIP.
You don't want to show the world your boob.
You don't want to see other boobs.

I am NOT questioning the above AT ALL. I am speaking strictly of the peeing and pooping comparison to BF

By comparing BF to peeing you are perpetuating the stigma. You make things worse for NIP mothers when you say that its the same as peeing or pooping. Peeing and pooping should be done behind closed doors BF should be acceptable everywhere. Do you see how that comparison, using those words, makes NIP sound like something that should be done in private out of the public eye.


I'm just glad you understand the majority of what I've been saying this whole time. I will try one more time with the peeing:

General social view is people pee in bathrooms

General social view is women breastfeed their babies wherever (sadly this is not quite as acceptable as peeing in a bathroom but is generally a norm these days)

General view of peeing is that we shut a stall door

General view is people don't want to see flying tits at dinner

Therefore, we close the stall to pee and we do our best not to let the boobs fly.

I am not saying that it is my personal view that these things should be done that way, that is just the social expectation that private parts not be shared with everyone whether it is a boob at dinner (or wherever) or your vagina in the bathroom.

PERSONALLY I wish it was socially acceptable to pee with no stall and nurse free and wild. The issue is our society was not raised that way (this is a generalization) so I will do my best to appease the masses. My line in the sand being I will not be asked to go elsewhere to nurse my child.

I have not once compared actual pee to breast milk. For obvious reasons these things are not interchangeable. I have simply compared two acts that involve a natural bodily function that most people see as needing to be kept private. Anyone who is personally offended by this comparison is reading WAY too much into it.

ChristineBaker23

Temurlang1 said:

Hi, lurker here...

In my area BF/NIP is the norm, so people don't have issues and I rarely even notice when someone does it (unless I was checking out her baby!)

I have seen two absolutely hilarious NIP "incidents."

Once we were in a restaurant with DH's friend and his wife. We live in Silicon Valley, so sometimes, as was the case in this restaurant, there are mostly only men present. Suddenly, the wife unbuttons her shirt (no bra), pops out a boob, waves it around, eventually feeds baby, then waves it around some more. It was really funny! There were about two-hundred eyes fixed on our table. I don't think they were offended

Another time I saw a woman in a cafe chatting with her friend. She got out an object I'll describe as a hot-pink sateen tent with a head-hole. She ensconced herself entirely in this thing. Turned out it was a nursing "cover." I don't know what she was doing in there, but the baby escaped out the bottom and started crawling away. I found this less discreet than the "boob gesturing" personally.

The lady waving it around is the type of person I'm talking about that could make people who are already uncomfortable with NIP even more not ok with it. I'm not going to say is a bad person for doing so, just that I choose not to be so blatant about it. Those stories really made me laugh. I wonder where that lady found such a cover! Mine are about the size of a blanket and just enough to get the job done, not go camping in! Lol.

MrsRahl

Here's the bottom line. I'm not going to nurse my baby in a disgusting bathroom stall to make you comfortable. I'm not going to cover my baby's face with a blanket and will allow my child to make eye contact with me and bond like a normal mother and child. Obviously she is never going to see our side, I'm not sure she even knows exactly how she feels due to the back and forth and the only way to break the stigma is for us pro nip people to just do it until people cope. If enough women just did it, people would eventually get over it and it would become the norm. Less talk, more nip

allrightmeow

ChristineBaker23 said:

And your head can be compared to a cantaloupe. Comparison: they are both round, also they can both be referred to as a melon. I can compare what I want just like you can take your boob out in public. Free country. I don't hate.

But if I decide to kick and stomp a cantaloupe with all my might, no one will try to put me in prison for assault or attempted murder.  

ChristineBaker23

MrsRahl said:

Here's the bottom line. I'm not going to nurse my baby in a disgusting bathroom stall to make you comfortable. I'm not going to cover my baby's face with a blanket and will allow my child to make eye contact with me and bond like a normal mother and child. Obviously she is never going to see our side, I'm not sure she even knows exactly how she feels due to the back and forth and the only way to break the stigma is for us pro nip people to just do it until people cope. If enough women just did it, people would eventually get over it and it would become the norm. Less talk, more nip

I. Nurse. In. Public.

I swear you people are thick.

It is my PERSONAL choice to be discreet and cover my child at least till we are latched and not making a boob waving scene. A scene I'm sure most women would try to avoid.

I'm sorry if anyone was offended by my vagina analogy that they thought had to do with poop for why I try to stay covered. It is very hypocritical for y'all to attack me for the way I choose to nurse in public.

Don't ever suggest that I am not a "normal" mother because I use a cover from time to time. That. That is offensive and I think that anyone could agree attacking someone's personal parenting decisions is incredibly rude and unnecessary. I guess you must also consider bottle feeding a baby to not be "normal" mother and child behavior.

I see your side and have said many times I will not judge your methods. So the least you could do is have the decency to respect my side even if you don't share my opinions.

You people are very rude.

MrsRahl

I apologize. I will restate that what i meant by that is its a normal thing to want to have eye contact with your child while feeding them. Bottle feeders do this too. I personally find it imperative to have that contact. I believe nursing goes far beyond just feeding your child. There is science behind the hormones released when nursing that bonds the mother and child. If you want to cover up, so be it. But I personally find it more annoying for both you and the child, less of a bonding experience, and like another poster said, just another stigma a women has to deal with and hoop to jump through. I can't fathom how a breast feeding a child makes anyone uncomfortable even if a mother has to rub her nipple on the child in the latching process and someone sees it. I assume that qualifies as breast gesturing. Once again, we'll have to agree to disagree, but I am sorry that it makes you uncomfortable and that you feel you need to cover up. It truly doesn't bother me if you see it but I feel bad that you don't feel that freeing experience.

MrsRahl

And by nursing in public I personally mean without a covering which seems to be the main debate here. Otherwise to me that is not public.

ChristineBaker23

Nursing in public is the same with or without a cover and you are still saying that I am doing it wrong by covering my child to latch. You are also suggesting that I don't understand the bond that is created by nursing your child. Trust me, I know. Not nursing in public would be going to a private rather than public place to nurse. This has changed from a debate of opinion to personal attack and I don't feel comfortable entertaining it any further. Just know that you suggesting I am feeding my child differently than you makes me not normal is offensive, inconsiderate, and rude. I would never tell a woman how to care for her child. It does not make me "uncomfortable" to nurse my child but I do know that others who may not have that personal experience may not be as comfortable so I do my best to make everyone comfortable by being discrete. As I said I do not use a cover every time, and in fact my daughter often nursed better with a cover because it was dark and quiet. She was never "annoyed" by the cover. I understand some babies are. My nursing covers are made so that I can look down and make eye contact with my child while I nurse. Don't tell me I'm doing it wrong because I like to be considerate of others feelings. Which you obviously don't with how mean you are being.

MrsRahl

Wow, I just tried to be nice, apologized for potentially hurting your feelings, and restated my answer, and you are still freaking out.  I am suggesting nothing. I said exactly what I meant which was it is completely normal for a women to WANT to have eye contact with her child while nursing, which you are arguing against by suggesting we should all cover up.  I clarified that.  I did not attack you for covering your child.  I only stated that I find it to be more annoying. When you say I "suggest"  you are making assumptions and putting words in my mouth. You were attacking others by saying that the latching on process aka "boob gesturing" is offensive, so know that you offended others on here too, majorly.    Cover you child if you want, it's a free country, but don't give another mother a hard time for trying to give her child her nipple and latch on in public like she's some kind of public nudist. But I think everything that is to be said has pretty much has been said, so I will leave you with that. 

Laddiedahl

Personally I feel like breast feeding is a private moment between baby and I and I would like to keep that private as much as possible. I think it's a tad odd when women just let it all hang out in the middle of the mall. But sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. It's not wrong so if that's what works then that's what works.

allrightmeow

The problem is everyones discomfort level is different.  There are people who don't want to see breast feeding AT ALL.  They want us to go sit in some dirty stall in a mall bathroom and feed our babies.  Since I won't kill myself with stress trying to adjust my behavior in attempt to fit strangers comfort levels, cause lets be honest, you cannot please all of the people all of the time.  Im going to focus on feeding my baby, cover or not.  Now, that doesn't mean Im going to take my shirt all the way off, unless its hot and Im in New York where its legal to do that.  

Remember there are people who get uncomfortable seeing mixed race couples.  There are fewer of them now than there was say 50 years ago and that's because its not being hidden away like its something to be ashamed of.  If you want people to change you kinda have to stop facilitating their backwards views.  

Im not saying I want all of us to just pop our boobs out and let them hang there as some statement.  What Im saying is, allow yourself not to be stressed out or bothered by what other people will think or feel about you when you are doing what your boobs were designed to do.  There are people out there thinking negative things about you even when you are covered.  Guess what?  That's their problem, not yours.  

allrightmeow

To be perfectly clear Christine I get and respect you making a personal choice to cover up when you breast feed. I think the "I don't understand why all mothers can't be discreet/modest" chafes me because they shouldn't have to be.  If it wasn't made into such a taboo in this country no one would bat an eye at a breast feeding mother.  

There are very conservative countries where no one looks twice at a woman feeding her baby because there is nothing sexual about feeding a baby.  We should strive for that in America and not just accept the current status quo.   

::Its the year 2013! I can't believe people are put off by a nursing baby but they will sit front and center for a wet t-shirt contest to ogle all those disgusting boobs!!:: 

wtfisup

ChristineBaker23 said:

My breasts aren't genitals. Is that what lady bits means?

I never said your boobs are genitals. I compared the fact that we are expected to cover our downstairs just as we are expected to cover the upstairs.

Your 'downstairs' are genitals. Your upstairs aren't. 

I wouldn't pee in front of strangers because bathroom functions are private for me and most of Western society. 

rainbowdashh

What gets to me the most about this type of argument is that people say it made me feel weird to see a woman with her boob out before she had the baby latched. But they don't say that it made them feel weird to see lingerie ads, or a movie with a topless woman. It's a boob associated with breastfeeding that makes people feel weird. And that to me is effed up.

3rdShiftNurse

Personally, I would have preferred no cover when BF in public (and DS couldn't have cared less either way so long as he got a boob!)...BUT DH cared...it bothered him ALOT to think random folks were seeing my boobs, so I covered up in public to ease his paranoia lol...Given the size (er lack thereof..only got a full B cup outta the deal) I am pretty sure DS's melon covered my non melons! I say do what makes you and baby happy! ...and sometimes DH lol

wtfisup

LoHerrim said:

My 77 yr old mil was disgusted with me for BFing DS. She freaked out on me and said she bottle fed all of her babies, BFing was just weird and gross. In the 1950s formula became extremely popular and began pushing BFing into the closet so to speak. This is when it started to become a taboo subject (in America, at least). Mil would literally walk out of the room if I began nursing. She didn't even like feeding DS a bottle of expressed milk. She said it smelled weird and it was just too strange feeding the baby something that came out of my body. Let me also say that I have no issues with formula feeding, I had to formula feed DD as I had surgery when she was 2 weeks old and was in the hospital for four days. I dried up, sadly. But how you feed your baby shouldn't ever be an issue. Whether you choose to bottle/formula feed or pop your breast into LOs mouth. Babies have to feed! But for thousands upon thousands of years, babies were ONLY breast fed. And people hired wet nurses to feed their babies for them. That seems strange now, but honesty these subjects have only become taboo in the last century. Sad, really.

Isn't that gonzo? No matter how much I know about the reasons for that movement, it still blows my mind. My mom said that when she had her children in the early '80s, no one around knew how to breastfeed. When she had questions, older women just acted puzzled or disgusted. She wound up pressured to go to formula because my grandmother kept insisting that the baby would starve on breast milk.