Feeling quite low lately.*lo mention* not mine

neptunebljc

So I've been doing a lot of reading but not a lot of posting lately.  I almost feel like I'm tired of sharing.  I feel like I'm over all of this. I just don't want go feel anything at all anymore.  I guess I'm also feeling a lot of anxiety as well.  I go back to the daycare in two weeks providing my boss doesn't make me fight for my job and I also get my test results back next week.  It almost feels like life is moving forward and I'm not ready.  I was hoping that I would have been able to find a new job outside of the dsyacre but that didn't work.  Not even a call back... 

I feel like when I go back to work there is going to be no support at all. My boss cannot talk to me about what happened with Bean, so she avoids all eye contact and general conversations. Its very awkward.  

I guess I was hoping that I would get excited about Christmas and that I was figuring out how to live knowing what I've loss but instead I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. 

Sorry its a lot of randomness but you ladies are all I got, because my bestest friend just had a baby boy yesterday and I just can't seem to gather the strengthen to visit yet. 

diamante1181

Firstly, let me say how sorry I am that it is going so rough. I hope things get better and that you are able to find other opportunities that don't involve daycare. It must be very challenging to care for others' children as you long for your own baby. I wish none of us ever had to go through any of this.

Sometimes we expect to react a certain way to certain stimuli, and get surprised by our own reactions and feelings. You are entitled to feel whatever it is you are feeling, and it is totally normal. Try to take it moment by moment, because sometimes day by day is too hard. Until you are feeling that you are in a better place, perhaps a short conversation with your bestie telling her that you are not ready to see her yet will take some of the pressure off. Big hugs to you, dear.

CRUN2012

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Sometimes things can pile up on us and make us feel so overwhelmed. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself first and foremost. You need to be your own advocate and make yourself your biggest priority. Once you do that the rest will fall into place. Hugs to you ♡

kz's_girlygirl

I'm so sorry you have all of that on your plate right now

stefuge

I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you wrote - feeling "over it", not wanting to feel, a close friend with a new baby, this is all really crummy. The only real suggestion I have is, have you looked into grief counseling? This has been really helpful for me, and might be a comfort for you as well. Our counselor has dealt with grief herself, she lost her husband, so I do feel like she can relate to what we are going through, and can affirm that what we are experiencing is normal and make suggestions to help when things get hard. ((Hugs))

mingaling2

I can definitely relate to feeling "over it" at times. So sorry you're going through such a rough time without the support you deserve.

neptunebljc

Thanks for the support ladies.
@stefuge I have been seeing a counselor but only once a month due to cost. I go on Friday. So hopefully I'll be feeling better. I talk to my friend about the baby. And she's been great. She wants to set up a time where it will just be us and the baby. That way if I get upset, it won't be a big deal. She said, you can hold the baby and we can cry together for your bean. It is great to have such an understanding friend.

stefuge

I'm so glad your friend is so understanding! That is a huge blessing. I understand about the cost of counseling - it adds up quick! I hope your counseling goes well this week.