@Breeanne1974

ally510

I haven't seen you around in awhile. If you're lurking, I just wanted to see how you're doing & let you know I'm thinking of you.

breeanne1974

You're so sweet to be thinking of me. I had a failed IVF ("whoops you ovulated to soon") converted to IUI (just in case - and I guess to show that the RE tried something) and I'm having such a hard time bouncing back (underrated description). It completely ruined my Thanksgiving and I really thought I was going to need to check myself in to professional counseling. I've never experienced such utter life-altering devastation. I feel robbed and I am mad as hell about it. I find myself weepy or full blown sobs at the mere mention (or thinking) of the process. I'm at a loss to how women do more than one IVF and I considered myself a strong person (they need to get a freaking medal and be covered in diamonds while sailing the world on a year tour). I even have trouble talking with my husband (and we are so close - we share everything and he goes to all my appointments with me) about it without falling into a heap on the floor in sobs much less anyone else who knows about it and asks. My poor mother wants to help but I can't speak about it coherently.

Right now we are on a break (no meds at least) so if it happens, it's the old fashion way - which I've heard happens - but not going to get my hopes up. This will also (hopefully) allow me to have some Christmas Spirit and bring me up to functioning again. If this doesn't work this cycle we are going to do some Gonal F (since I still have 2-900 $4000 pens my fridge and Femera (?) I'm not about to waste them) and my RE agreed to back to back IUIs. So when we trigger we will do an IUI that day and then 36 hours later another IUI. Additionally, the RE said that although I responded it is was not a typical IVF response and that is why most REs will not consider IVF with low AMH and high FSH. Since it's me, and not him, we should have no lack of recruits. We've had 2 REs tell us he has superman sperm - 56 billion is his average. Yeah, that doesn't hurt when I hear my results at all (insert snarky).

I was not expecting the IVF to be our only shot and thought we would probably do 2 maybe 3; however, our insurance does not cover any more of the medications for specialty infertility - this one IVF cycle maxed us out. I know so many who are completely out of pocket and I worship your enthusiasm and ability to finance these. Right now I need to start working on closure that this might never happen for me so I don't experience the immense downward spiral I did with the IVF. In addition, I have a wonderful, sweet, health little 3 year old girl I'd like to be a part of her life - not just a fleeting memory. I feel like IVF/IUI is very mentally, physically, and emotionally draining and I'm left with nothing left to give to her or my husband - and to me that is so very sad.

Again, so kind to check on me. You will never know how much that means to me right now. I wish you the absolute best in your process.

freakyfast

breeanne1974 (((((((HUGS))))))))

Jen071407

freakyfast said:

breeanne1974 (((((((HUGS))))))))

More ((hugs))

ally510

@breanne1974 - I'm so sorry you're struggling right now.  ((((hugs)))) Ts & Ps are with you.

breeanne1974

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate your thoughts.

 

Baby dust to all!

annibes

Best of thoughts to you as you go forward. 2IF is so unfair! I hope you get your surprise BFP on a natural cycle- mostly so you can have a baby, but also as a big fat "Eff you" to 2IF.

SnowflakeBride06

((Hugs))