I'm going crazy! Please help and advice...

Snugly Ael

My b/g twins are 3 months old. Until
Tuesday I had help from my in laws and now it's just my hubby and I are taking care of the twins. We're getting drained out. We end up having breakfast at 12pm, lunch at 5pm and dinner post 10pm. Nothing seems to be working out right. At nights hubby sleeps with one baby, while I sleep with the other in a different room.

Since the past two days I've noticed that their naps duration have reduced a lot and my boy isn't drinking as much as milk as he used to when my in laws were around. I'm wondering if this is just for sometime or will all this be like this for years?

Before there were 4 of us taking care of the twins and now it's just two of us and for a few days just myself as my hubby travels 2-3 days for work. I'm hardly getting any sleep. I'm getting tired of cooking, cleaning, taking care of the twins, bathing them, etc. What can I do to make things better?

My in laws spoilt my son by holding him every time he wanted to be held or whined. Now he wants someone to be around, talking to him and holding him.

As my hubby travels for work I donno how I'll take care of them all by myself. What can we do to make things work? How can I change my son's habit of wanting attention always? Is it okay to leave them crying for 5 minutes or will it affect them? I'm exhausted and I seriously need some advice. Pleaseeee! I'm a first time mom and struggling to make everything work. Please help me mommies!!!!

Thanks!

tootsscott

No advice as I'm still pregnant, but definitely letting your kids cry for more than 5 minutes is not going to kill them. It might test your patience, but if you need to, the just go in another room!

Ps- this post is my nightmare. Hubs and I will have no help from the start and he goes back to work when babies are 3 months

meldoo2002

They won't be traumatized crying to 5 min.  What worked best for me was wearing one or two so I had hands free.  I used a Moby then an Ergo.  Give up to cleaning, decorating, all that good stuff and focus on eating, sleeping, and feeding/caring for your babies.  You can do it.  Why are you sleeping in separate rooms?  Would it make more sense for you to take shifts so you each get some consistent sleep.  Around 3 months an in the few months going forward you should be able to start seeing more of a schedule.  I did my best to keep them together so that when they did eat they were both eating, when they did sleep they were both sleeping (as much as possible).  What does feeding look like?  Are you BFing?  I think we need more info to help you more, but you will do it... once you get in the swing of it you'll do it.  My husband went back to work before my kids left the NICU so as soon as they came home I was on my own... you can do it.

Snugly Ael

I bottle feed them. We also try our best to keep them on the same schedule. We used to sleep in the same room, but whenever one baby got up for feeding, all of us in the room were getting disturbed. And sometimes my son wakes up in the middle of the night too many times. So hubby and I thought it'll be best to sleep in separate rooms, though we both don't like it.

ks3pink

My boys have always slept in the same room but in separate cribs. Yes they sometimes wake each other up but they've also gotten used to it and I'd they are really sleeping don't even flinch at the others crying. I think you need to work on getting them on a very strict schedule and don't deviate. It will be hard at first but believe me I wish I has done it at that age. My babysitter had a great schedule but when I was around I deviated and the boys never did as good for me. Babies thrive on schedules and although it may seem like a pain it will make life easier in the long run. GL!

raraavis28

First off, big hugs! You are in the trenches, and this stage is SO hard! You're also going through a transition, with your help majorly tapering off, so it will take a little time for all of you to adjust.

PPs have a lot of great advice. I would reiterate their tips to just focus on the basics (lower your standards for cooking, cleaning etc.) and to try to get as much of a routine going as possible. At 3ish months was when I started writing down what times the babies were eating, sleeping, etc. and noticed a pattern emerging. Then I made sure to stick with the same intervals (not necessarily times) for eating and sleeping (ex: eat every 3 hours, lay down to sleep every 1 1/2 hours etc.) We had a very consistent bedtime routine, so the babies knew when it was time for nighttime sleeping. Things got tricky when they started fighting naps during the day, but that's another story for another day....

Also, don't worry about a few minutes of crying. Babies are demanding (I wouldn't even say that your son got "spoiled" by the holding and attention....you probably just would've noticed the clinginess earlier if you didn't have the extra hands....) but a few minutes of crying will not hurt them (I think every MoM learns this at some point....) Experiment with swings, babywearing, etc. to see if there is anything that will soothe DS while you can still do other things.

GL and hang in there....trust me, it will get better!

kari.sandall

Just remember it does get easier! They will form a routine and you'll find what works best for you.

My twins came home from the NICU at 4 and 5 weeks. I had help for 2 weeks and then I was on my own. We would feed the babies at the same time or one right after the other. They have always shared a room but have been in there own cribs. They don't wake each other up. I had 2 swings and 2 bouncy chairs that helped entertain one baby while I was taking care of the other. For nighttime, my husband and I took shifts. He was in charge of the babies from 9pm-2am and I took 2am-7am (well until he came home from work really). That way we'd each try to get 5 uninterrupted hours of sleep plus any other time we could sneak in. We did sleep in different rooms for awhile so we wouldn't interrupt the other sleeping.

Don't worry about cleaning, cooking, or all that other stuff. Take care of the babies, sleep when you can, and eat lots of take out our freezer meals. Just remember it does get better and becomes a lot more fun. Good luck!

Snugly Ael

Thank you mommies! I will surely do as you all adviced. Hoping for the best.

bumpuser924057

You can totally do this, mama. I do about 99% of the baby care in my house and most of the help I get from my mom or DH is with my older son, not the twins. Everyone has given you very good advice. Five minutes of crying never did anyone any permanent damage. I BF my twins and there were times in the first couple months where they were both hungry at the same time, so I'd feed them in ten minute shifts back and forth until everyone was quiet again, because I figured ten minutes of crying never really killed anyone either. Are the babies going to share a room eventually or have their own? If they'll share, you really might as well let them get used to each others noises at night. If not, is there a need to stay in the room with them, or could you put a monitor in each room and go get your space back with your husband? The swing was a huge lifesaver for me. I went out and bought a second one because I found it so helpful.