If you've had a miscarriage...

intheplanningstage

Have you thought about how early you will announce your pregnancy the next time around? For me, I told my mom right away, before the beta. DH waited until after the beta but I was still less than 5 weeks along. I miscarried at 5 weeks.

My mom knows the ins and outs of everything (our appt schedules and what not) so I know that when the day finally comes with another BFP, I'll tell her pretty immediately. DH says he was hesitant to say anything so early last time and this time even more so. I said it's up to him but my question was Ok, what if you don't tell them and we have another miscarriage. You'll never say anything? To me, that's like acting the baby never existed. He said it was a good point and seems to be pondering now.

So, just curious what everyone else feels about this topic. I won't go shouting it to the rooftops when it happens, not until well after the first trimester, but for close family...I feel like I want them to share in my joy.

Jill Wheat

I think the sharing in the joy part is very important - but it is also important to me to have a few folks, besides my husband, to help share in the loss if there is one. 

firesiren

This is where I am right now. DH and I shared right away the last time. It really sucked when we had to tell every one we weren't pregnant. We are waiting until after our first ultrasound at 7 weeks to tell anyone. God willing. Thanksgiving was really hard yesterday. DH said he was bursting at the seams to say something.

katib77

I'm in beta hell now and we had told our parents. Because of our previous cp m/c they understand what beta hell is and why I was a bit more emotional yesterday because of it. I am close to my parents so I need them to know and understand. But I know if I wasn't or if they had said hurtful things last time to me we wouldn't have told them.

runforcookies

We told our family right away and the only person I regretted after the m/c was my BIL and his fiance. Well, mostly the fiance. We've decided that we will tell my mom and sister and his mom after a confirmed 2nd beta... all other family after we see and hear a healthy heartbeat. I would definetly need the support of my mom and sister if something were to happen again.

chucktgirl

If we are ever lucky enough to get PG again, which is highly unlikely, we won't tell anyone, including our family, until it's physically overly-obvious that there is a baby in my belly. Seriously. Not one day sooner. I would probably deny being PG until after the baby was born. For real.

hmz819

chucktgirl said:

If we are ever lucky enough to get PG again, which is highly unlikely, we won't tell anyone, including our family, until it's physically overly-obvious that there is a baby in my belly. Seriously. Not one day sooner. I would probably deny being PG until after the baby was born. For real.

I feel the same way. DH thinks I am crazy but I just don't know if I could celebrate until the baby was safe and in my arms.

LSN8308

ive never had a mc but ive always felt the best time is like weeklyplanner said around 12-14 weeks. i live with my inlaws and i really need some privacy during my cycle because its hectic and overwhelming enough as it is, i wouldnt want anyone else asking me questions all the time.

plus idk if any of you feel this way, but i kind of feel like if i tell too early i will kind of be made fun of? idk.. ive seen some random friends or people ive heard of that have announced their pregnancy (whether it was natural or ART bfp) right away. and they have gotten some sarcastic and rude comments from some people saying ohh u probably rolled out of bed after BD'ing and announced it. and i dont want to feel sorry for me if that makes sense. to say "awww it was so hard for her so shes too excited to keep it in lol"

only ppl i would tell right away is u girls, because only IF ppl understand the ups and downs of this journey.

Km672

If we are ever so fortunate again, I think I will tell only my dad, my sisters immediately and a few very close friends after a couple reassuring betas.

I'm thinking my husband will probably want to do the same

kjf114

I had 2 back to back I was nervous about announcing 2nd time but I did at beta with only DH mom and my mom and bf. at 5 weeks I mc and its hard to deal with so next time around ill probably do this again hopefully it sticks but it was nice to have close support again

Lacyj67

I miscarried at six and told a lot of my close coworkers and family and close friends. I won't do that again... Just my dad and DHs dad and maybe two BF and my sisters. Everyone else can wait till I'm out if first tri

violetmarie61516

hmz819 said:

chucktgirl said:

If we are ever lucky enough to get PG again, which is highly unlikely, we won't tell anyone, including our family, until it's physically overly-obvious that there is a baby in my belly. Seriously. Not one day sooner. I would probably deny being PG until after the baby was born. For real.

I feel the same way. DH thinks I am crazy but I just don't know if I could celebrate until the baby was safe and in my arms.

I haven't had a mc but I agree with this.  DH doesn't fully agree but I'm hoping if/when the time comes, he will be supportive of my decision to wait.

Neesey

The first bfp we told our moms who unfortunately didn't keep the secret very well. It was so hard when people I hardly knew came up and asked questions after the loss. The second bfp we told my mom but not mil. I told my three closest girlfriends too since if need their support if things are good or bad.
The first time I knew something was wrong because my symptoms disappeared. The second I had no symptoms from the beginning so it didn't even seem real. We were just about to start telling people because the first u/s was so great and I was almost 10 weeks. This time around I don't think anyone but my mom and three girlfriends will know until at least 14-15 weeks.

FishyMom

For me, I did not tell my family until the day I found out I was going to miscarry (family meaning dad, mom, very close aunt) and I regret that I took the joy that they could have shared with me for 3 weeks. This time, I will tell them after beta or second Beta... Depending on the numbers.

marshaleigh

I waited until almost 10 weeks to tell my family, on Thanksgiving last year.  I miscarried 3 days later and while I thought that it would be something I wanted to discuss with my family, I didn't.  If I were to get pregnant again, I honestly have no idea what I would do.  Logically, I would want to wait until after 12 weeks, but in reality...who knows.  I hate the thought of letting my previous miscarriage ruin the first trimester of a future pregnancy, but I know I will be too nervous to ever relax and enjoy it the way I would want to. 

CallaLily30

While I've been pregnant four times, I never told anyone other than DH.  We were getting ready to tell our parents about the first one and found out it was a missed miscarriage.  I'm glad our families don't know about our struggles because although I'm sure they would be supportive, I just don't think I could handle their constant questions and suggestions about what we should be doing or trying.

I don't know when I'd feel comfortable telling anyone if I get pregnant again.

Carolina Blue Skies

We told our parents after our second beta this time only because I have been talking to them throughout this cycle (as opposed to last ones where we haven't).  I know they have been thinking about us & praying for us, so I told them the news, but they also realize it is just one step at a time & we have a long way to go.  We won't tell anyone else until 12 weeks, for sure.  I just hope and pray that we get to this time!

ksgsmu

We told our immediate families when I knew I was miscarrying... We needed their support- I was a mess. 

Next time we have discussed waiting until after the first sonogram with our families and best friends...the rest of the world will know somewhere well into 2nd trimester.

katelynsm

I just experienced this.It sucked having to rescind good news. I definitely learned my lesson. 

Because I am a teacher and I have to have my friends cover me at work when I come in late, a lot of people at work are well aware of what's going on. I'm also really close with  my family, so they all know what's going on too.

 

We were able to move on quickly and my FET is scheduled sooner than most people would expect, so we're just not telling anyone when it's scheduled for. Don't know how soon we'll tell people if we get good news this month, but I'll probably tell my mom before anyone else.