Thanksgiving: A tale and a vent — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

Thanksgiving: A tale and a vent

I hope to God everyone had a good thanksgiving. Mine was a relatively decent time, despite family drama from my mother. My dad, who lives downstairs from us, was literally too sick to come upstairs to eat, so I was sending him broth throughout the day. Meanwhile, my mom was upstairs (before my siblings arrived) helping me do last minute things around the house and eating the guacamole. We have our twins urns and their picture frame in the living room, and of course she had gone over to look at their things. I had originally debated leaving their things out, but thought better of it. This is their family, as well, and they should be part of the 'festivities'. 

On one of the occasions where I had taken broth to my dad, upon my return upstairs, she asked me if she could take a picture with her phone of the twins. I told her I was not comfortable with that, but maybe in the future she could. Instead of understanding, she said she 'understood but they were her grandbabies'. Of course this brought instant tears and made me really upset. She asked me why, and I told her because I said so (felt good to use it on her lol). I also told her I wasn't comfortable and I don't need to give her a reason. They are my children, and that trumps the grandparents. If she really understood, to do a better job of it, and that I don't want to see their picture on Facebook or anywhere online. Personally, I also don't want her to be showing her friends or whatever. Unfortunately, she has no sense of what's appropriate and what isn't. On top of other things she said and did to annoy me yesterday, this was really at the top of hurtful. 

I couldn't sleep well last night. I went to bed before 10, but didn't sleep until 3 am or so. I had so many racing thoughts. I thought about the twins, how much I love and miss them. I thought about seeking professional help to deal with my grief. I decided to join a support group. I wondered when would be appropriate to ttc, I wondered if I was honoring my babies, and if I even wanted more children. I acknowledge that I am afraid of the future. I'm worried that if we try to conceive in the future that nothing will come of it. I question absolutely everything and prayed for what seemed like forever. Next weekend would have been our baby shower, and I wonder how I'll be as the date approaches. I don't know what anything holds, not even today. I'm sorry for the novel but I did have much on my mind.



On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
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Phoebe Jaslene born at 19w3d. We love you beba! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers



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Re: Thanksgiving: A tale and a vent

  • Sending BIG hugs your way! I am sorry that your mom didn't understand. She should have. You are their mother and you have the right to decide if you want people to have their pictures.

    Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS

     

     

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    diamante1181
  • Thank you. I just hate the fact that I have to remind her that she is not in charge, I am. I run things in my own home, and I get to control who has access to my children. It would be the same if they were alive, to protect them. 
    On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Phoebe Jaslene born at 19w3d. We love you beba! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers



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    BrittianyM
  • irons633irons633
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Photogenic
    member
    edited November 2013
    Sending you a big hug! I am sorry yesterday had to be that way. I attend a support groups are great I attend one and it's a nice place to go and vent with people who understand. Benny afraid to conceive again after a loss is hard. I grappled with that when we conceived our daughter Olivia who we lost also. I am afraid to high heavens to try again but I know I am supposed to be a mommy to loving babies and I think that is how I keep the strength to try again. Onky you know when your truly ready . Many thoughts and prayers to you as your baby shower date approaches mine was the 7th of Nov and I did something with my friends so I wouldn't be so sad.
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    diamante1181
  • I'm so sorry yesterday was so hard. It's so hard when family doesn't understand. I hope your mom can come around and realize that what you say goes. Your twins would be proud of you!
    BrittianyMdiamante1181
  • I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Families can really suck sometimes. Hugs to you!
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    diamante1181
  • Hugs..... I'm so sorry you had a difficult time yesterday, sometimes people don't understand our feelings. Praying for you !

    diamante1181
  • {{hugs}}

     
    EDD 1/8/10 - our sweet sunshine DD born 12/30/09
    EDD 2/15/14 - Stillbirth at 21 wks 10/02/13
    EDD 8/12/15 - MMC 1/12/15
    EDD 12/24/15

      
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  • VyD81VyD81
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic First Anniversary
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    edited November 2013
    I'm so sorry, some people just don't understand. Hopefully she will understand that you are the twins mom and you don't have to justify how you want to honor them. I have the same fear about the future and TTC, you're not alone. Hugs. 
    We live 2000+ miles away from both families and told them flat out that we're not going to go back for the holidays. I didn't explain my reasons and told them I shouldn't have to. I'm tired of explaining why I feel the way I do, and when I do explain, they still don't understand. 
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    BFP #2, EDD 12/26/14, please be our rainbow.

    diamante1181
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