Husband not excited - TTC?

LunaGirl28

My husband and I were chatting last night about our upcoming TTC. We likely will begin in Jan/Feb time frame (though sometimes I do question if I should start now!). Anyway, it didn't seem like he was that excited. He is the sweetest guy, so he wasn't being a jerk about it, but just kind of matter of fact. He absolutely wants kids, but I think he's scared and said he's sure he'll be happy when the time comes, but it's not something he is dying for and honestly is leaving it up to me to make the decision when to start TTC. 

I think it comes down to the fact that he doesn't feel like he's accomplished enough yet (but he has -- we have two great jobs, a house, financially sound, been together for 9+ years, married for 2, have traveled a lot etc).  He knows he's being silly because he said he'll never feel ready -- if you asked him the same question in 5 years, he'd prob say the same thing.

I guess my question is -- anyone else go through this w/ their significant other? I'm afraid that when I do find out we're pregnant, I won't get the reaction I'm hoping for. I'm sure he'll be "happy" but not as excited as he could be through the 9 months. I know some of my friend's husbands are ecstatic throughout the entire process, and I just don't see that for us which makes me sad. Is it different when it actually happens? 

toribrite

I am also experiencing this. My hubby is never as excited as I am about anything really and I am sure in the case of a baby it will be just the same. I think he is excited to have a kid.. but not a baby. He has never been great with babies but LOVES kids. He has also left it up to me when and how many kids we will have. I like that part actually. But I am sure I will be struggling when he isn't as happy as I am. 

mylittlesunshine

I think some men are like this. My DH isn't an overly emotional guy. When we found out I was pregnant with DD1 he seemed very matter of fact about it. I just got the "ok, you're pregnant, that's cool" from him. I think for him, until I started to show and when she was born he felt a little more involved. It was the same way when we were TTC and got pregnant with DD2.

My husband also doesn't care for the newborn stage (well, except he does admit he likes holding newborns). My DD1 is 4 and I think can't wait for DD2 (who is 18 months) to be as interactive as DD1.

In the end, as long as you two are both in agreement about TTC, then I wouldn't take it too personally.

CowgirlK39

I think a lot of women forget that men behave so differently from us. We are here, gushing to each other about TTC and squee-ing over cute baby items, while guys just sit there and think "yup. That's nice." Women are thinkers and dwell on things, whereas men handle it and move on. I'm sure it's not that he's not excited, just rather that your female brain thinks about it constantly, while he thought about it when you spoke of TTC and then moved on. So don't be too concerned.... He's probably going to be more excited once you get pregnant and have the baby.

lifeonthehill

I am in a similar boat. We will be TTC next Christmas and I am over the moon and practically counting down the days and he just keeps mentioning that we still have so much to accomplish. I ask if he is not ready and he says he will be when our baby bucket list is finished next December but I am trying to not get over excited because now I feel like he will back out. He loves kids.
I guess I got so wrapped up in how excited I was that I forgot men don't feel the same. Thank god for this website. Haha. It is going to keep me level headed.

kedeneen

Your post sounds like something I could have written word for word about my situation! My husband is an emotional guy but when it comes to having children, he doesn't show much emotion at all. I finally got the nerve to bring it up one night with him when we were lying in bed (I was nervous I might hurt his feelings) and he ended up opening up about how he's "scared shitless" about having a baby. He said he thinks because his dad was not the father he wants to be, that he is fearful that he will turn out like him. I had to reassure him that he will be a fabulous father. He is so good with our nephew and nieces and loves them to pieces! He also said he is worried that we will neglect our dogs! Haha he is obsessed with out three dachshunds and a lot of our friends have told us that when they had kids, their dogs took the back seat. Well that broke his poor heart because right now our dogs are like our children! So I also had to reassure him about that. I also have health problems that will label me as a high risk pregnancy and he fears for my health and does not want to see me in pain. So my point is... try to gently bring it up to him to see if maybe there are reasons he is so reserved when it comes to having children. It is something that many women are so excited for that it can be disappointing when our husbands don't show the same amount of enthusiasm. But hopefully you can crack his shell and learn more about how he's feeling!

MrsMac613

DH and I made the decision to start TTC together however I also sensed that he wasn't as excited as I was. After talking to him he said he didn't want to get his hopes up in case it didn't happen right away. So talk to your hubby about it. He could be worried about the TTC process or about being a good day or bring responsible for another person. There could be a number of reasons but you won't know until you talk to him about it.

Smallllmin

Remember that men and women don't always think the same way. Your husband is probably nervous (and might not want you to know how nervous he really is). So naturally, he's not going to be as excited about beginning the process. Once you get pregnant, it's more likely that he will jump on board the baby train.

On a side note: my DH is also a little less enthusiastic than I am (and more nervous too). We are starting TTC next cycle (Dec). I just remember not to share too many of the details (temping/charting/CP)... These are the things that tend to be overwhelming. 

GL!

barefootbluejean204

@LunaGirl28

I think it comes down to the fact that he doesn't feel like he's accomplished enough yet (but he has -- we have two great jobs, a house, financially sound, been together for 9+ years, married for 2, have traveled a lot etc).  He knows he's being silly because he said he'll never feel ready -- if you asked him the same question in 5 years, he'd prob say the same thing.

Luna this is happening with me. I feel 100% ready but my hubby just started a business and wants it to be successful before we start trying. Also I think he is not ready for the lifestyle changes that come with baby. I am trying to see through his point of view and this site is awesome for spending time to not go crazy:) We have discussed, he knows I'm baby crazy and our plan is to talk about it again next year around our anniversary. I have told him I will never push him or pressure him into it, but at the same time he knows I can't wait forever. I know its smart to wait until his business is stable but then again "If you wait until you can afford kids you will never have them!" I think it's important to let your spouse know you want to be on the same page with them first and always keep them as a priority. I have faith my hubs will come around, he is great with 3yr old niece who was 1 mo old when we first started dating. He may never feel 100% ready but some people may not ever feel that way, I agree with @Kimbus22 that some guys don't really get into it or like the idea until the baby is actually here! Also I have had several people tell me that the wives usually are ready for children before the husbands. Hope this helps<3
 This board is great to show you there are others like you in the same situations!!!