I freaking knew it.... ( a rant) — The Bump
Success after IF

I freaking knew it.... ( a rant)

So, pretty much as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I predicted that my in-laws would change things up with kids Christmas presents. Of note, I have 7 nieces and nephews on that side of the family. Each and every Christmas, DH and I buy for all 7 kids. As we have, for their entire lives. Until last year we had never gotten a single gift back. Apparently since we don't have kids, no one felt the need to recipricate, fine - it is what it is.

What happens this year when I reach out to my SIL's to ask for gift ideas? They suggest a Secret Santa for the kids.I freaking knew this would happen, and why am I so upset? b/c it's my daughters first Christmas. And while I don't want my house overcome with the toys they will most likely get her - she deserves to be celebrated the same way each and ALL of her cousins have been.

I may be overreacting given other stressors in my life at the moment, but I am SO tired of her being shafted. For each of their baby showers, they all pooled their money and got each other a bug a boo stroller. What did I get? Clothes from MIL (bought the day of the shower - she was a  half hour late because of it).... Burp cloths from TWO SIL's and some other essentials (changing pad cover, crib sheet, bathtub)....All stuff I need (except for the clothes that all got returned)...but seriously, a far cry from a bug-a-boo. Oh yeah, and I also got a MIL promising to have a seperate shower for her side of the family, to then never deliver.

I'm just beyond sick of the fact that my LO can never be celebrated by these people :(

Rant over.


"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th

Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!

Molly Mildred born 03/31/13


TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast

Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"

Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN

Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle

Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized 

1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!

Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015

Re: I freaking knew it.... ( a rant)

  • :(
    We have 8 nieces and nephews and have always bought gufts for all of them, including stocking stuffers. This year, so many in the family are hardly talking to one another, so I'm hoping A's first Christmas doesn't get crapped on by a bunch of Scrooges. I realize she won't remember this, but it is nice when things are equal and happy.

    Try not to let it ruin your holidays! You can always make it special for her in your own ways that don't include the in laws :)

    FWIW, we had to finally insist on only buying gifts for the kids. A lot of my in laws wanted everyone to buy for EVERYONE! That's about 25 people now.... That was getting WAY too expensive. We all just make Christmas gifting about the kids and silly sticking stuffers for the adults.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    TTC# 1 since 5/10
    Me:33 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:34 Perfect
    DX: Unexplained IF
    Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
    IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
    IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
    IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2
    IVF #4 May/June 2014 ER 6/4 18R 8M 8F ET 6/9 1 blast, 2 frosties
    Beta 6/18 BFFN

    FET of 2 blasts 7/24...BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w3d on 3/17/15

  • Oh sweetie, I'm sorry.  It is never fun to do things over and over and then not have the same things given back to you. Huge hugs.

    I've had this happen repeatedly within my own family, with my sisters and my mother which I find very hurtful.  However, over the years, I've just come to accept it.  Honestly, I just can't continue to expend my energy on issues like this, it's too tiring and I hate feeling so angry towards my own family.  That's not to say that deep down the hurt every really completely goes away but more and more I can just roll my eyes at this and accept that it is what it is.  If I want peaceful, family holidays then I need to be the bigger person and move past things.  That didn't happen overnight though.  I hope you can find a way to make peace with a bad situation.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

  • I'm so sorry JB. That's such bs. I know you will make the holiday special for her despite your ILs being aholes.
    TTC with PCOS since November 2009
    IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c
    IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
    IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
    beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
    beta #2 11/28 = 2055
    Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
    Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
     image
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  • I remember the issues you had during shower planning with your ILs. Sorry they are stinking up Christmas, too! Don't let them get in the way of celebrating M. (((hugs)))
    dx: MFI 0% morph & low count. Occasional Anovulatory cycles.

    TTC #1
    • IVF #1 4/21/12 - c/p
    • IVF#2 8/1/12 - BFP! DD arrived 4/10/2013.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC #2
    • FET #1 3/18/14 - BFP! DS arrived 11/19/2014.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Not over reacting at all IMO. I would be irritated too. Everyone should by her a little something at least this year and then next year do Secret santa
    [img]http://i54.tinypic.com/zsk41e.jpg[/img]
  • I'm so sorry. I definitely understand how this kind of family stuff can make you feel and it's just awful. From one of my sisters, the boys got flowers in the hospital and a Christmas gift. Not a single acknowledgement of their birthday and she was within an hour drive visiting for an unrelated event and didn't make the effort to see us. I'm still sad that the boys haven't seen a single aunt, uncle or one of their 12 cousins. In all honesty, it doesn't bother me that they make no effort with me, but it really hurts me that my boys are getting treated like distant relatives too.

    I'm so sorry your LO is being treated differently. I agree with Imoverit. A 1st Christmas is too special. The secret Santa can wait a year. Lots if hugs your way!
    TTC in 2009, Dx: Unexplained IF
    Three TI cycles (BFP...miscarriage), five IUI attempts and 2.5 IVF cycles later...BFP!!
    12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
    Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!! 








  • I'm with @imoverit. Your hubby should talk to his mom and amend the rules to state that first Christmas is exempt from Secret Santa. 

    Btw, I know it shouldn't but it bugged me that I had a friend who was too busy to come to my shower. However, I spent about $50 on her gift and held back tears to attend the shower while struggling with IF. 

    I also spend a crapload and got molested be the vagcam more times than I can count to get my precious little J. Most people I know had a glass of wine and a roll in the hay. 

    Most shit isn't fair. I'm just sad your family-in-law is dumping unfairness on you and sweet Molly. What does your DH say since it is his family?
    TTC Since 3/2010
    Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
    Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
    Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
    IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
    ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
    ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
    Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
    Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!! 
    Baby girl J arrived two weeks early! Born into water, med-free. Hooray for Team Pink!

    TTC #2 - back to the RE, treatment started 12/2014. 

    image
  • So ironically my husband ran into his sister today, and made a comment about how interesting it was that she wants to change things now that we have a kid, she responded by saying she was worried i would think that....WTF, so you know you're insulting and you clearly don't care. No surmise there, sadly. She also commented on how this would be better because we wouldn't get a bunch of $10 gifts that we'd never use. Again - wtf? I never spend $10 on your kids and ask you for ideas every year. So if you're getting "crap" from me - that's your own fault. DH sees my point but thinks I'm over reacting. I do realize at the end of the day it's up to me to make Christmas special for Molly and to celebrate her, which I will do and in fact do on a daily basis- bc she is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just wish however I was immune to getting upset with these people's selfishness. Thanks for letting me vent- I'm on my iPad, apologize for run ons!


    "I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
    TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
    IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
    ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
    12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th

    Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!

    Molly Mildred born 03/31/13


    TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast

    Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"

    Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN

    Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle

    Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized 

    1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!

    Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015

  • Dealing with selfish people is one thing; dealing with selfish family is another. It's so crappy. We can only control how we react to it. I hope you can find your peace of mind on the matter and show Molly the joys of Christmas despite her stingy relatives!
  • Sorry - that does suck. My family is the same way. My sister always wanted gifts for her anniversary that is until I got married then it was we don't need to exchange anniversary gifts. Now that I have a LO, she is trying to cut things down - except she has 4 kids that will all want gifts. I'm so sorry you have crappy family - they should be ashamed!
    TTC 1/2010 DH Dx - Azoospermia 2/2011
    Hysteroscopy 3/2011 2 Polyps removed 4/2011
    DH on Clomid / Arimidex to address hormonal issues - Sperm found July 2011!
    IVF #1 September 2011 - ER 9/8/2011- 8R, 5M - icsi - 1 made it to transfer - BFFN :-(
    IVF #2 Lucky November 2011 - ER 11/25/2011 - 15 eggs!, 13 mature, 10 fertilized with isci - 7 made it to transfer! Transferred 1 - 8 cell and 2 - 7 cell. BFP!!!!
    1st U/S - Twins! 2nd U/S - 3 heartbeats!!! - HOLY COW!!!
    Prayers for our take home babies!
    2 babies born on 3/27/12 and lost. Last baby born on 3/29/12 and lost at 20 weeks.
    My angels grew wings shortly after birth.
    Ahava Raisel, Matisyahu Nissim & Zev Chaim - Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
    IVF #3 July 2012 - ER 7/17/2012 - 10 R. 5 F. 4 made it to ET
    Transferred 2 on 7/20/2012 no snow babies :-(
    Beta on 7/31/2012 = BFMFN
    A miracle gift expected to come to us through adoption around 9/2012
    Baby girl adopted - Birth Mother changed her mind and took the baby back
    IVF #4 October 2012 - New RE. Doing PGD Testing. 8 R, 7F, 2 made it to 5 day blast for PDG testing. Both Normal (Thank you G-d!!!) 1 boy and 1 girl
    transferred one beautiful 5day blast (girl)
    Please G-d the almighty one - let this be our take home baby!
    Beta #1 158, Beta #2 318, 1 Absolutely magnificent HB at 175! Thank you G-d!!!
    Baby Girl born August 5th. Thank you G-d for our precious miracle.
    AMA. PAIF & SAIF always welcome - I need all the prayers I can get!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I'm sorry about your family. As a PP expressed, you can't change people's actions, just your reaction.

    It sounds to me that your hurt is less about the gifts and more about your daughter's place in the family.
    TTC since 3-08 IVF # 1 Dec 2011 BFP DD born at 31 weeks 6-24-12

    FET #1 Dec 2013 BFN

    FET # 2 Feb 2014 BFN

    No more frosties

    IVF #2. September 2014

    PGD yielded 2 perfect 5d blasts

    SET November 9, 2014
    Nov 23, 2014. Another BFN

    Not sure where to go from here.

    image

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Man, that is totally crappy. I'd be annoyed too.
    Married 9-4-04

    ***PM me for my IF history***

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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