Public vs. private school

meg1974

For those of you who are considering both, I'm wondering what factors are playing into your decision. We are not opposed to public school, but DH is a teacher and isn't happy with the way some of the ed reform efforts are going. Private schools seem to address most of those issues, but they do have their own sets of downsides (cost being a big one). 

I'm interested in what you all see as the pros and cons. I'm also interested in your own experience if you attended a private school, particularly a small one where you are with the same kids every grade.

TIA!

groovygrl

I would think so much depends on the school district where you live? If I lived in the school district for the city we live on the suburbs of, my kids would be going to private school no doubt b/c of the lower quality education there, but we live in a  suburb w/ a very highly rated public school system and so they'll be going to public. The other factor would be your child's needs & personality, with my kids I will gauge what they might need as they get older- the public high school in our town has over 5000 kids and so even though it is very highly rated in the state, many people opt to send their kids to private school due to the size of the public school, their kids' needs & interests, etc.
There are just so many variables...

aglenn

I agree with @groovygrl that the decision is very local.  We're in a fantastic school district so I want the kids to go to public school.  When I was growing up my family lived in a pretty horrible school district so I went to public when I was younger and then private high school.  I personally hated private school and think there is a lot to be learned from being in a more diverse environment, but of course if my kids were in the kind of school system I was in at the time I would have sent them to private school as well.

meg1974

Thanks, I understand it varies by district. The public schools here are not bad. The problem we have is with the state itself, and the reform efforts that no public schools can get away from, no matter how great they are. 

I was more looking at the differences overall between small, private schools and larger public schools. Diversity is a good point. One thing that bothers me about the private schools we looked at were the really small classes and being with the same kids for 12 years. I think being around people who are different than you is a good thing. On the other hand, small class sizes mean more time with the teacher and more individualized learning. 

LSU628

I've worked in a public and private school and can see advantages and disadvantages to both. I'm also struggling on what to do with my DD. Benefits to private school- smaller class sizes, more flexibility in what the teachers want/need to cover and pacing of the learning, more control when it comes to discipline (problem students can be removed more quickly), religion courses of your faith or choosing, and I was able to really know most of the students in the school which was helpful when helping them plan for college and writing recommendation letter. Advantages to public school- more services (on all levels of the special ed spectrum, gifted, talented programs), more course offerings,often more opportunities for sports, larger and more diverse colleges visiting campus, larger college fairs, more interventions and accommodations put into place in a classroom (private schools don't necessarily have to follow the 504 plans or offer SPED classes and accommodations), and transportation and lunch are offered through the school. It's a tough choice and one that you really have to look at what will work best for your child and family.

LSU628

And FWIW- I went to a really small private school from 7-12. It never really bothered me that I was with the same kids every year. New students were always coming in every year, so it wasn't like the population never changed, especially once we entered high school. I also had a lot of the same teachers every year, so I got to know them and have a good relationship with most. I graduated with 73 students and had sort of a culture shock when I started college. I was really overwhelmed at first, but once I started meeting people and getting involved I was fine.

memali26

I went to private schools my entire life - right up through college. I was with the same kids from preK-4th grade, grades 5-8, and then grades 9-12 (three different schools). I actually really enjoyed being with the same people each year. I've built some great life-long friendships with some of those people.

We are sending out kids to private school. My reasons are definitely biased based on our specific school, but in general based on my school experience, the school we've chosen, and my experience as a teacher in both public and private schools, our reasons for choosing private are: Religion, small class sizes, less bureaucracy so the teachers can focus on teaching, and a really caring environment. DH teaches at one of the campuses our girls will eventually attend and it is such a family atmosphere. Very caring teachers who work hard to foster the relationship between home and school. Students at our school are getting a really great education, but also being nurtured as individuals and building great relationships with other students and teachers.

The obvious downside is the cost of tuition, but for our family we feel like it's worth it.

memali26

-auntie- said:

It really depends on your child, your values and the quality of both the private and public options. FYI- DS has attended both indie academic, lab and top notch public schools. Each one was the right choice for DS at the time, 

Don't for a minute assume that tuition buys a better product in every instance. You might get a smaller class size, but the trade off will be less qualified teachers and less diversity. While indie schools do tend to form cohesive learning communities, a child can become an outsider among their neighborhood kids. Larger schools can provide the critical mass needed to offer a full range or AP classes and extracurricular activities in secondary which can lay the foundation for a successful transition to college.

Tuition is a drawback, but not the greatest. My father taught for 3 years at my high school. My MIL taught at DH's elementary. It sucked in both cases. Kids and parents shouldn't occupy the same school.  I have a friend who chose teaching at an elite K-8th for the tuition break- after her oldest was treated like she didn't belong, she enrolled the youngest in public.

Since I feel like this is in direct response to my answer...

I think you've made some really broad generalizations here. Yes, some private schools are crap - unqualified teachers, poor atmospheres, less diversity, lack of quality education - but not in ALL instances. DH is more qualified than most teachers at our local public school - at least half of the local public school teachers don't have higher than an associates degree. DH is going for his masters, and half of his faculty already have their masters. The area we live in is diverse, and our school reflects that. Not to the same percentages as the public school, but it's not just the "elite white." We have a fantastic success rate of our students getting into great colleges and excelling at the post-secondary level. We do everything we can to accommodate the needs of individual students, and where we can't we help the family find additional resources (tutoring, resource sharing with the school district the student lives in, etc).

As far as parents and children not occupying the same school, I'm sure in some instances it's not the best situation, but in general the families I know with parents and children as teachers and students in the same school do just fine. In the schools I have experienced - as a student, a teacher, and parent of a soon to be student - the culture of the school is one of family and support, and I've never seen a teacher's child ostracized over who their parents are.

I said in my original answer that I know my thoughts are biased based on my personal experience and the particular school where DH teaches and our girls will attend. I know there are great public schools and horrible private schools, and maybe my situation really isn't the norm, but I don't think it's fair to make such broad generalizations about private schools. Private isn't the right choice for every student, but that doesn't mean they're a poor choice for most or all.

memali26

@-auntie- I won't argue that private is always better. It's not the right choice for everyone, and no we can't meet the needs of most special needs students. I acknowledge there are some crap private schools, just as there are some crap public schools. 

Quite honestly, I just reacted to feeling personally attacked - you specifically called out the points I made as to why it's the better choice for MY family. OP asked for personal experience, and I shared mine after acknowledging it's biased. And I really resent the implication that our school is just "rich mean girls." Far from it.

My DH is an amazing teacher and blessed to be at a really wonderful school, and it frustrates me that they have to work so hard to fight the stereotypes about private schools when they're trying to provide a really quality education. We're not a private academy serving a specific college prep audience. We're trying to serve the whole community offering a great education and school environment. Stereotypes and broad generalizations just hurt our efforts to try to serve all families.

neverblushed

Here's a similar thread from the School Aged Kids board from last summer.  I posted my thoughts on this thread.  I went to public school.  I teach in a private school.  My kids go to public schools -- DD to a g/t magnet program and DS to regular elementary (he's applying to the magnet for next school year, though!)

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/9063097/public-or-private#latest

artichoken

I haven't read all the comments, but I've been debating on a Waldorf or Montessori school.

meg1974

-auntie- said:

@meg1974

This could be a moot dicussion at this point.

Depending on the schools you are considering, your DD may not have what it takes to get through the admission process at this point in time. Not because she isn't bright, but because many private K-8th programs require a half day participating in the classroom, a readiness screening  and an interview with an adult she's never met. Since you DD is more timid, she may not come off as appealing to the people making the enrollment decisions.

We applied to 3 private kindies after touring about a dozen. DS was not offered enrollment at my top choice when he'd had a "off" day. When we bridged him to the private lab reading school, we toured 3 and he did visits and more extensive testing and wasn't offered a space at my first choice soley because of his Asperger dx. The school had previously had a kid identified as having AS who was a hell-raiser. We reapplied a few years later because I thought it would be a good bridge before public middle school- again we did the eval and DS visited for 2 days. He didn't like the school, but they liked him enough to offer him a scholarship. It's frustrating, but you might need to wait until your DD is a little more willing to engage adults and peers to have real choices.

We are not considering any schools that have those kind of admissions requirements - not b/c of DD's shyness, but more b/c of a philosophical problem with it. 

meg1974

-auntie- said:

meg1974 said:

We are not considering any schools that have those kind of admissions requirements - not b/c of DD's shyness, but more b/c of a philosophical problem with it. 

What sorts of schools don't have an admission process that includes a screening and interview at least? When we considered kindie, all 6 of the schools we toured had something in place. When DS changed schools at the end of 1st, all three schools required an interview. It was the same going into 4th.

Even the RC parochial/parish schools here will do a cursory screening for readiness apart from the parents. They don't do a visit and the interview is more with the parents in terms of their obligations to the school. But the child will be given a not so quick once over. And they do take pretty much everyone- they're right next door to the public school and will deliver children there for services if needed. They tend to have a few dually enrolled kiddos.

Why would you object to an application process that includes the child? I'm not wild about schools that host open house tours during the school day, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker if the school was otherwise a good fit. Find is school fit is a bit like dating- both parties have to find the relationship workable for them. 

So far, we have toured two private preschools, and neither of them do that.They do have a more extensive applications process for kids in the later grades, but not for kindergarten. They do an interview, but it's more of an introduction to the school and there isn't any testing or observation done for purposes of acceptance (I specifically asked about that). 

I don't object to an application process that includes the child. I was commenting on the specific application process you described in your OP, for the reasons you mentioned. I don't think it's right to make an admissions decision based on those factors, when the child might just be shy or uncomfortable with the process but an otherwise very bright, well-mannered child. One problem I have with our state public schools is that too much emphasis is placed on standardized assessments and not on the individual child's situation. I wouldn't want a private school that makes decisions based on a pre-determined set of criteria that might not apply well to every child. 

AliW220

We are weighing private vs public with SS who is 4.5.

Here's what I see as pro's for each:
Public - larger class size, he'll be sure to find friends somewhere. More resources as far as more teachers (he's extremely gifted, we're worried he will become bored quickly), more extracurricular activities offered, better price!
Private - smaller class size means more attention. If he's gifted, the teacher may be able to work with him one-on-one more. Required uniforms may help some of the fashion bullying in middle school. He would be in the same class as his cousin, so a default friend by blood the private school we are considering is the one that I attended, and some of the same teachers are there. I am comfortable with their teaching style, and that is an added pro to personally know them.

My worries for each:
public - that a large class size may mean that a teach can't fine tune to accomodate special needs.  More kids may mean more bullying.
private - small class size would limit his exposure to other kids, bullying could be more direct. and of course the cost.

We are going to start him out next year at the private school and see how things go. I'm totally open to switching schools if that is what looks to be best for him.

My private school (k-8) experience was in general a good one. Of course there was some bullying, but compared to the stories I heard once I was in the public high school, it was nothing all that bad. We come from a fairly religious family (I don't practice as much after being divorced), so the religion aspect doesn't bother me.  The group of ~30 of us that transitioned to the public HS were further ahead in many subject areas, math, science, english. In those areas, most of freshman year of HS was repeat for us.

Each school is so different, tho. And my good experience I'm sure can be offset with very bad ones. The public elem schools in my town all are so different than one another, too, and cannot be generalized as "public schools".  Do your research, visit, ask questions. Talk to parents of kids that currently attend.

ambrvan

I mostly just lurk here and only post occasionally, but we just had this conversation at work so I felt like I should join in. My DS is almost 4.

I will always send my kids to public school unless the private schools in the area are better academically, electively (art, music, etc), and safety-wise. And I mean better by a long stretch. And of course, money would play into it.

I also have a second grader so I am looking at this from the perspective of a parent who has already moved to switch schools because her kindergarten experience was not stellar and after more research, we did not find that school system to our satisfaction.

We are very satisfied so far with this new school system, including the reforms they are making at the high school. Because schools vary so much from system to system, city to city, neighborhood to neighborhood, you can't say that private or public is always better. I grew up in Memphis and there are few if any schools I would want my children attending that weren't private, and even those are not top of my list.

My major argument for public over private though is teaching your children to deal with the society they live in. No matter how much you try to argue, it is a fact that the population of private schools are made up of specific pools of children from specific ranges in society with the occasional outliers. Public schools are not exactly random samples because they are grouped by locations, and certain levels of society trend to live in certain areas together. But they are more varied and have greater chance of having a wider range of students.

I want my kids to be exposed to all kinds of people from all backgrounds and walks of life and levels of society and monetary wealth, good influences and bad. Because it is MY JOB to teach them how to function in the real world when they can make their own choices of who to associate with and who to allow to influence their lives and how to succeed when someone or something might be set up against them and how to set and follow their morals and live Christ-centered lives (that is a very important factor to me).

Excuse any mistakes. I am on mobile.

ambrvan

fredalina said:

ambrvan said:

I mostly just lurk here and only post occasionally, but we just had this conversation at work so I felt like I should join in. My DS is almost 4.

I will always send my kids to public school unless the private schools in the area are better academically, electively (art, music, etc), and safety-wise. And I mean better by a long stretch. And of course, money would play into it.

I also have a second grader so I am looking at this from the perspective of a parent who has already moved to switch schools because her kindergarten experience was not stellar and after more research, we did not find that school system to our satisfaction.

We are very satisfied so far with this new school system, including the reforms they are making at the high school. Because schools vary so much from system to system, city to city, neighborhood to neighborhood, you can't say that private or public is always better. I grew up in Memphis and there are few if any schools I would want my children attending that weren't private, and even those are not top of my list.

My major argument for public over private though is teaching your children to deal with the society they live in. No matter how much you try to argue, it is a fact that the population of private schools are made up of specific pools of children from specific ranges in society with the occasional outliers. Public schools are not exactly random samples because they are grouped by locations, and certain levels of society trend to live in certain areas together. But they are more varied and have greater chance of having a wider range of students.

I want my kids to be exposed to all kinds of people from all backgrounds and walks of life and levels of society and monetary wealth, good influences and bad. Because it is MY JOB to teach them how to function in the real world when they can make their own choices of who to associate with and who to allow to influence their lives and how to succeed when someone or something might be set up against them and how to set and follow their morals and live Christ-centered lives (that is a very important factor to me).

Excuse any mistakes. I am on mobile.

It's funny, I have kind of the same but opposite reason to prefer private.

I live in nashville, a reasonably diverse city where the schools aren't so great, esp where we are zoned. Those schools are low performers. This year I applied for 4 optional schools but if she doesn't get in (by lottery) we will likely go private if her special needs don't end up getting in the way. We could move to a suburb that would be FAR less diverse, particularly in terms of finances, but I like that where I live is diverse. We can go to the grocery store or the Y and literally meet people from every part of the world, as well as those who have lived in the neighborhood their whole lives. If I moved to a more affluent suburb with better schools, we'd lose out on that.

This isn't confrontational; I respect your viewpoint. I just find it interesting that we each considered diversity and came in on the other side of the same issue.

I actually think in Nashville I might come to the same conclusion as you, though. I mentioned that I would have consider academics. If you're public schools are not performing well, and another public school will not be more advantageous (or even a possibility due to location) but a private school would be better, then it would be an option for me. I do understand sherry of where you are coming from because I am from Memphis originally, and there are actuary very few public schools that I would consider there. However, I would not approve of any of the private schools there either.

If I am not making my post completely confusing, what I am trying to say is that I can see where you're coming from. You would lose the diversity of you moved. But the public schools in your area aren't too your satisfaction. I would probably consider things your way, as well.

CtlsRajesh

All people give different ideas, But my thinking is Private school & public school no any different, Because depend on your kids.