rewards for good behavior for 3.5 year old...

Misskristal31

Do you do some kind of reward at the end of the day or end  of the week if your LO behaved well for you? I think that would be our answer to fixing our DDs new bratty (talks back, never listens, lies to us now) behavior, but I almost feel as though I'd b bribing her to be good. What are your thoughts? We do time outs and if she doesn't go into time out we do a spank. It doesn't stop the  behavior, it just disciplines her and she just goes back to being mean and nasty. She has a new baby sister (5 weeks old) so I know why the sudden behavior change. 

LSU628

DD gets to earn special treats. It's not something we buy, but more of privileges. If she has a good day, she gets to stay up "late" (an extra 10 minutes, enough time for a Thomas episode). She also loves to eat popcorn or drink hot chocolate so those are also after dinner treats for a good day.
That being said, at 3 or 3.5, DD had a potty training regression. Dry panties at school earned a sticker on the chart. 5 stickers earned ice cream, 10 a trip to Chuck E Cheese, 15 a trip to the zoo and 20 earned a private tour at Global Wildlife (a local animal sanctuary where you can ride in wagons and feed the animals from the wagon).

DTNZ4Ever

We do a sticker reward chart at home. One of the items DS earns is for a green light day at school (our school uses a stoplight system). He also gets one for no time outs at home. He gets stickers for some household chores setting the table, feeding the dog etc. He needs to earn 20 stickers to get a reward out of the reward bag ($1 bin stuff from Target). It works great. We had a family talk with DS and got his input into what he should earn stickers for once he has mastered them we reevaluate and change up what he earns stickers for but he knows he needs to continue doing pervious chores. DS behavior became really bad during the end of summer and early fall he was aggressive towards friends. So on top of the sticker reward he would earn a fun thing at the end of the day on school days (he goes 3days a week). He would earn time outside, extra story at bed time etc. once he was doing well he would need to 3 days of good behavior at school to earn a bigger item like a trip to Dunkin doughnuts, a trip to the park etc. ot has helped a ton. He does have his days but then he doesn't earn his extra reward but can still get his sticker rewards.

We always get his input and remind him in the morning what he is working towards.

sschwege

This honestly doesn't seem that bad.  What about keeping a mental note of when she starts displaying these behaviors, I bet there's a pattern.  I found that DD was always having a meltdown around 10:00am.  Started giving her a snack around that time and it helped immensely. I think she was just getting hungry.

What if you just walked away if she's talking in a rude way to you?  Someone correct me if I'm wrong but my understanding is that it's too young to worry about lying because they just don't developmentally have a strong enough grasp on what's 'real' and what's not.  Good luck, it's a hard age for sure! 

neverblushed

You know, this may seem like blasphemy, but I don't really give "rewards" for good behavior.  I expect my kids to behave properly because... it's the right thing to do, not because they know there's a treat at the end of the week.

In general, when my kids behave properly I'll pay attention to them.  When they were 3 and going through the "sassy talk" stage, I would say, "Your words are not nice right now.  I'm not going to be able to talk to you until you can use nice words."  Then I'd ignore the child until they figured it out.  I know this seems very mild, but if you stick to your guns, this is actually very effective.  The reward for being a good citizen is that other people want to be around you. 

Now, that being said, if DH and I think our kids have demonstrated especially great behavior, we'll sometimes treat them to something.  But they don't know about it ahead of time, and we don't do this all that often. 

Our expectations for our children's behavior are very high.  We actually don't punish a lot OR reward a lot.  We teach them how we want them to behave, and then we sort of step out of the way and let the natural consequences of their choices fall on them.  

Example:

Sassy talk = Mom and Dad won't talk with or interact with you.

Lying = you have to fix any problems that come up as a result of your lies, and Mom and Dad will no longer trust you -- expect to have less freedom and Mom in your business a lot more.

Disobedient behavior = you won't be able to do the things you want to do, if you don't cooperate with Mom and Dad about the rules of the house.

mommymegan831

sschwege said:

This honestly doesn't seem that bad.  What about keeping a mental note of when she starts displaying these behaviors, I bet there's a pattern.  I found that DD was always having a meltdown around 10:00am.  Started giving her a snack around that time and it helped immensely. I think she was just getting hungry.

What if you just walked away if she's talking in a rude way to you?  Someone correct me if I'm wrong but my understanding is that it's too young to worry about lying because they just don't developmentally have a strong enough grasp on what's 'real' and what's not.  Good luck, it's a hard age for sure! 

DD is 3 and she definitely lies.  The other day I was giving her and her brother a bath.  After I took him out and was in his room change him she started screaming and claimed he scratched her.  I was there the whole time and it didn't happen.  There has been other things that I've called her out on and she says they didn't happen or blame them on her 1 year old brother.

I'd like to avoid using rewards for good behavior, but if there is a specific issue it may help.  DD was giving me a horrible time getting dressed in the morning.  I told her I'd give her a smile face on the calendar when she got ready w/out a fight.  She was so excited to see me give her a smile face.  I told her when she got 5 we'd get ice cream by the park we go to after school.  There was one time we went to the park when she wanted ice cream and I didn't get it for her because of how she behaved that morning.  I think that sent the strongest message because I had to remind her when she got to 5 smiles and  had earned the ice cream.  I don't know if it was just a phase, but she did stop quickly from giving me a problem