Should we bed-share?

LisaLisa1980

I'm wondering if DS started sleeping in bed with us if he would start to sleep better? Or should we just keep pushing forward. Every night he goes through a period of taking 2 hrs to get back to sleep. My H & I don't really want to bed-share but it's been months since we've really slept.

jllmb79

I think you both need to want to bedshare to have it work. We love it because everyone gets some sleep. Not sure how old your LO is but around 10 months DD#1 took and hour to get back to sleep even in bed with us. I am hoping DD#2 doesn't get like this.

LisaLisa1980

jllmb79 said:

I think you both need to want to bedshare to have it work. We love it because everyone gets some sleep. Not sure how old your LO is but around 10 months DD#1 took and hour to get back to sleep even in bed with us. I am hoping DD#2 doesn't get like this.

7 months next week.

honeydew01

Have you bedshared with him in the past to see how he does? Does he sleep better? Does he wake up more/less? Are you able to get more sleep?

Bedsharing works for many families, ask the attachment board and a lot of people there would have experience in bedsharing and will tell you that it works for them. But I agree with the PP, you'd both need to want it for it to work.  If you don't want to do it really, but you both get great sleep and DH is okay with the arrangement, then it'll be a temporary fix to bedshare. If you're unsure or he doesn't sleep that great, then I wouldn't do it. IMO, you'd confuse the baby, especially if you don't intent do it long term and plan to transition him back to the crib.

I co-slept with my DD for the first 3 months. I think it was great and beneficial for both of us. But after that I transitioned her to her crib because cosleeping was not working for us anymore. She was squirming so much and needed space. She likes to do 360 turns and tosses and turns a lot until she finds a position she likes and she couldn't do that. She was also more aware of the world and her sleep had gotten lighter so any movement (if either my DH or I had to use the restroom or if DH had to get up in the morning to get ready for work) would wake her up. Also, my DH's snoring would not let her sleep well either (yes even with a noise machine...). So bedsharing worked initially and benefited us both but then it stopped working and we made the transition and didn't switch back even at hard times when she was going through sleep regressions and sleep sucked. I think consistency is the key. My DD would be confused if I brought her to our bed now (she's 8 months) and would not sleep at all. I know from experience, the last time she was sick, I did bring her to our bed, I was tried of going back and forth to her crib 100 times...she did not sleep even though she was exhausted and sick.

Can you give a summary of his sleeping schedule? Habits? like when/how does he go to sleep usually? what do you do when he wakes up?  Just outline what happens in a 24 hour period maybe one of us is able to pin point to something that may help you and your son. 

PhieryBFly

What about having him sleep next to you? I really wanted to co sleep but neither of us is very good at it. Before she was a strong roller, she slept on her crib mattress (with pool noodles under the sheets so she wouldn't roll off) next to my bed which was also on the floor. It worked great! When she started rolling, we moved her crib next to the bed. So she now sleeps in her crib about 18 inches from me so she's easy to get up and soothe or feed.

LisaLisa1980

To answer HONEYDEW'S question:

He naps 3x a day. On a good day, it's a total of 4 hrs. Lately his naps have been really short. If I put him down he's awake instantly or 20 mins later. He starts getting tired around 5, 5:30. Bedtime is at 6:30, we have a routine of bath, ect, but he's awake 30 mins later - it then takes 2 hrs to get him back down. He wakes every 2-3 hrs and its an ordeal to get him back down. It's been going on for months. We've recently put him in his crib and out of the swaddle (woombie) and now have him in a zipadeezip. He wakes himself up when he goes to roll over. He's awake for the day at 6am, no matter what time he goes to sleep.

So last night he woke up 30 mins after I put him down. My husband took over and about an hour later I just said F it, lets just keep him up. It was a Friday night so I figured lets just have some family time. We watched Sesame Street in bed and ordered Chinese food and then we all went to bed at 10. I let DS sleep with us because I didn't want to have another bad night.

He still woke up every 2 hrs but I side-lied nursed him back to sleep and everyone had a peaceful night.

honeydew01

IMO if he wakes up every 2 hours whether he's sleeping with you or in his room in his crib then he has a strong sleep association and doesn't know how to put himself back to sleep so he fully wakes up and then gets riled up and it's hard for him to settle back down and go back to sleep. 

30 minutes is one sleep cycle so if he's up right at the 30 minute mark, he is unable to transition to the second sleep cycle on his own. My DD was doing this at the 45 min mark when she was younger. Every single night, we'd put her down, she'd be up 45 min later 100% of the time, then it was a hit or miss whether she'd go back down easily or it'd take an hour of rocking/shushing/nursing for her to fall sleep, only to wake up 45 min later. She was miserable and cranky, DH and I were exhausted. The day she learned to go to sleep on her own and we put her in her crib awake, she didn't wake up at the 45 min. Often times she opens her eyes, rolls or whatever and goes back to sleep. I never thought it was possible trust me. 

Is he happy generally? meeting milestones? He''s seems overtired to me (20 min is not a good nap, it takes the edge of his exhaustion but he is not rested with a 20 min nap). He may be hitting the 6 month growth spurt but if he's been doing this for months as you say then I doubt the growth spurt is the cause of all his wake ups.

My advice would be to consider a form of sleep training and I am not advocating CIO, there are gentler no CIO sleep training methods out there. Pick a method, read about it thoroughly then get rid of the zipadeezip (so you don't have to do this again in a month or so, it involves crying and screaming I understand, you got to give him the chance to learn) and stick with it for 2-3 weeks. Night after night after night, the same thing. He may protest, he may resist, but he will learn what the expect. Consistency is the key!  If what you have going on is not working for the baby (and you) then you have to make some changes even if it's hard to do so.

LisaLisa1980

He's 7 months. Happy, yes, meeting milestones on the early side. He never used to be like this. He was sleeping 5 hrs, sometimes 6, wake up at 7-8.

I know 20 mins is not a good nap. His longest used to be 3 hrs (last nap) and his other 2 naps would be about 45 mins.

stephrodgers07

The need for sleep won it over for me. I would rather DS sleep in his crib (like he did at one point) but he was up every hour at 6 months. I tried reeeally hard to maintain a routine and work on it, but he just needs his momma. He doesn't nurse all night long anymore so that's a gradual step.

My lack of sleep was starting to affect so many elements of my life. It really has ended up being OK for me, I just had to do things different.

LisaLisa1980

stephrodgers07 said:

The need for sleep won it over for me. I would rather DS sleep in his crib (like he did at one point) but he was up every hour at 6 months. I tried reeeally hard to maintain a routine and work on it, but he just needs his momma. He doesn't nurse all night long anymore so that's a gradual step.

My lack of sleep was starting to affect so many elements of my life. It really has ended up being OK for me, I just had to do things different.

This is where I'm at. DS will cry/scream for hours whenever we've done any "training". It just doesn't work for him. Plus we're at the "separation anxiety" phase now

LisaLisa1980

Pinkie78 said:

If you decide to ditch the zipadeezip, we use a halo sleep sack. Our son went from a swaddle to it and was ok.

Random thought - does the zipadeedo sack keep him from being able to roll over? Our son will only sleep on his stomach. He immediately rolls to his belly when we put him down.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Sleep deprivation sucks so much!

Oh no, the zippy is used as a swaddle transition. It has arms so they can move and crawl. My friend just uses hers for warmth

pinottoparenthood

Sometimes I will bring Rhys into bed in the morning to nurse and doze if he wakes up too early. I sleep like crap. He seems to move around a lot, and I wake up at every little movement. I can't imagine doing it all night. I know some people love it. It's better than no sleep, but I don't sleep well with my baby right there.

aibrean

I have to bedshare when mine is teething or sick because she won't stay asleep at all otherwise (very light sleeping). She generally is a through-the-night sleeper and we try to keep her in her own bed as much as we can. Sometimes it just takes a little hour cuddle to put her into a deep enough sleep for transfer, or sometimes she'll wake up around 5 and I'll bedshare until it's time to get up. They recommend you be a BFer because you're more aware of your baby and your baby's presence. I always have her head resting on my tricep so it's impossible to turn on her. I'm also a very light sleeper and will wake up frequently to check on her. There is a padded mat made by Leachco (bumpered) we have used, but since she likes sleeping on her belly in a practically downward dog position, it was much safer to have her on me where her face is up rather than buried in foam padding. Hubby will sleep on the sleeper/couch at times like that or I have her on the side he's not on. 

When we bedshare I can get her back to sleep (if she's crying/awake from a sleep) in literally seconds. From very awake is probably 5 minutes max.

LisaLisa1980

We ended up just persevering through it and didn't bed-share. DS is still sleeping in his crib and sleep has returned for the better these days. I'm sure another regression is coming around the corner though. I think he hit a bunch of milestones at once and it was affecting his sleep??

jlpev

LisaLisa1980 said:

We ended up just persevering through it and didn't bed-share. DS is still sleeping in his crib and sleep has returned for the better these days. I'm sure another regression is coming around the corner though. I think he hit a bunch of milestones at once and it was affecting his sleep??

That's great! My DS had those moments too but my good friend started bedsharing when her son was teething & never got out of their bed until he was 3! So I've always been scared to bedshare. I've always had put my kids in their crib.