Newbie Story - Need Advice

jenfer916

I'm 41 and just found out I have blocked tube on my right side. My head is spinning with the options we have in front of us and the money it's all going to cost. We have insurance but will still of course have our deductible and 20% to cover. I'm on the verge of falling into depression. I feel so overwhelmed. How do you stay positive? How do you know which route is the right one to take? Any positive advice would be appreciated. This is all new to me.

PrivateOne

Welcome. Honestly, it gets easier to deal with and cope with as time goes on.  When it is all new like you are experiencing it is all very overwhelming.  The best thing I find to do is to keep your eye on the prize. Each day you can and will do what you need to do in order to meet your goal of having a baby.  I never thought I could have handled all that I have, but miraculously I am stronger than I gave myself credit for.  The insurance and $$ challenges are tough to deal with as well.  Sounds like you are fortunate though to have a good amount of coverage.  There are many people who have no coverage and pay out of pocket, myself included. 

There is a saying that I love and try to live by it each day "Feel the fear and do it anyway."  I encourage you to find your own positive mantra that speaks to you that you can live by each day.  As well, use this board for support, knowledge and comfort. There are many great women on here who have a lot to share and you will find hope and support in each of their stories.

GL to you on the next steps of your journey!! 

hooligans4

Welcome and :-bd to what @PrivateOne said.

jenfer916

Thank you. I've always been the person to try to be thankful for what I do have and I have tried that angle. Lately it's just been making me feel worse. I find myself to be in the all around angry/ this isn't fair stage. We will start our first IUI cycle in a few weeks. Just looking at the packet of instructions makes me emotional. It seems like so much. For those that have been through IUI, does the process get easier once you get started? Are there a bunch of side effects?

Mrs.McIrish

I found IUI to be very easy. I think you are just fearful of the unknown at this point. I will say a few more things: I wouldn't other with IUI at age 41 with a blocked tube. There's no way to control what side you will grow a follicle and you're just throwing $ away if it is the wrong side. Time is precious at 41. Sorry if I am being blunt. Finally if you have 80% coverage for IVF, jump up and down. It's like winning the lottery. Only a few states have mandated coverage and there are lots of exclusions in some of those states. While I haven't been successful, I never would have been able to try 6 IVFs without fantastic insurance. I'm now paying a sh!tload of money for donor eggs but I'm not complaining as I know others who have spent six figures trying to have a baby.

PrivateOne

I did 2 IUIs before going to IVF.  Both failed and at the time I was 42 and the doc said do not waste your time or money on any more IUI's.  I did not have anyreal issues either like a blocked tube. MrsMcIrish is right about the fact that these is no way to control which side will grow the follicles.  If it is on your blocked side, you will most likely be wasting precious time. 

As far as side effects, what are the meds you will be taking?  We can help to give our experiences if we know what your protocol will look like.  the actual procedure and monitoring during IUI are a piece of cake, so no worries there.

As far as you feeling angry and this just isn't fair, WE ALL HAVE THOSE FEELINGS and you are not alone. It is completely normal to feel that way.  Sometimes you just have to let those be your emotions.  However, the sooner you can accept that yes this is not fair and move on to focus on getting ready and doing your cycling the I think the better off you will be.   It really serves no purpose to wallow.

Mayzie15

You have received wonderful advice above. I will add that I have NO infertility coverage and live in a mandated state so it's no guarantee. We didn't think we could afford IVF once let alone twice and over 30k in OOP expenses but we managed. My saying is "where there's a will there's a way". We aren't rich and we scrimped and saved. Best advice I can give you is take a deep breath and dive in. You will learn lots along the way and the ladies are incredibly helpful. I wish you the best of luck!

BeckyP005

These ladies gave you great advice! Just wanted to wish you luck on your journey

CheezeFace

Welcome!  This can be a very difficult road and I think you are in the right place to find some advice and comfort.  

Every journey is different and I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed right now but there are some serious silver linings in your intro.  Insurance coverage is one of them.  I know it doesn't seem like much right now but you have a huge advantage!!  

I'm with McIrish on the skipping the IUI bit.  While I've always found my IUI's to be easy (as far as comfort is concerned) I would say be really aggressive considering AMA+Ins coverage.  

However, if you don't want to go that route right away another less invasive option would be to do Clomid/etc, then get an ultrasound to see if there are any viable follies on the open tube.  Clomid is really inexpensive + the cost of the u/s you wouldn't be out too much money if it didn't work.

Good luck!  Keep us posted!!

jenfer916

Thanks again to everyone for all the advice. It looks like I'll be using hCG & Gonadotropins. The title on my packet is Injectible Cycle with Intrauterine Inseminations. I guess I need to do a little more research on my own. If the blocked side is the only one making follicles would that continue to be the case? Would it change with a second cycle? I don't want to waste time but thought trying a couple IUI cycles first made sense. (At the time) My insurance coverage is capped at 30k for a lifetime.

Mrs.McIrish

jenfer916 said:

Thanks again to everyone for all the advice. It looks like I'll be using hCG & Gonadotropins. The title on my packet is Injectible Cycle with Intrauterine Inseminations. I guess I need to do a little more research on my own. If the blocked side is the only one making follicles would that continue to be the case? Would it change with a second cycle? I don't want to waste time but thought trying a couple IUI cycles first made sense. (At the time) My insurance coverage is capped at 30k for a lifetime.

No, you can alternate ovulating for left to right but there's no way to control it. Your body will choose what side. Also, it is possible for your body to favor one side. My right ovary rarely ovulated-- out of 9 medicated cycles, I think I got an egg for the right side only twice.

jenfer916

My thought process is this. Try a couple IUI cycles to see how my body responds then move on to IVF. Am I being ridiculous and too cautious? It honestly has a great deal to do with money. We figured start small and work up to the big one. While saving $ and praying heavily. Lol.

PrivateOne

Ultimately only you can make the choice on how to proceed.  We can give our opinions, but that is about it. 

In looking back on my own situation I wish I had never done the 2 IUIs I did at age 42 and went straight to IVF.  My RE at the time suggested I go straight to IVF due to my age, but I didn't listen.  I was positive that since we didn't have any real significant fertility issues that I could definitely be successfull with some follicle stimulating meds and IUI.  Well now I know that was all just a waste of time and money as it was not successful.  I and my eggies are now a year (and a half) older and cycling with IVF.  My first cycle ended in m/c only a few weeks ago so though I got pregnant it was not a success.  I'll have to wait realistically another few months before we can IVF cycle again. 

The success rates at our age are very small.  I don't say this to depress or upset you.  I say it because it is a fact.  Perhaps that will help you in making your decision on when or if you should go to IVF.   Also, will you be upset if you spend the money and use insurance coverage on a few IUIs and they are unsuccessful and you still in the end have to do IVF? If so, perhaps that is a real consideration to go straight to IVF now.  The other reality is all this cycling takes time.  We in our 40's are on borrowed time so it is probably best to go all in now with the treatment that has the most chance of success.

Has your RE given you an opinion if it were him what he would he do? I'm just curious what he's advising given the situation.

jenfer916

She said she didn't see anything wrong with trying a couple IUI's first. What you're saying makes sense to me though. I guess I'm just confused why she wouldn't have been a little more adamant about steering me toward IVF. I don't want to believe its about making money for the clinic, but looking at it your way sure seems that way.

DawnHope

Hi there,

I'd echo what a lot of the other ladies have said.  IUI isn't a big deal, but with time being a factor, I'd probably look to IVF and here's a few reasons.  Sometimes (at least this is how I felt way back when I started this at 39…) you just want to feel like you're 'doing something' so naturally doing an IUI might seem like the way to go.  But think through if the option is the best one.  With the blocked tube thing, that just seems a little risky to spend the $$?

The other advantage to IVF is thinking it through long term - if you are lucky enough for it to work, or even if you're not, you can freeze add'l embryos if you have any left over - to either add to your family down the line or if the cycle doesn't work.  Something to consider.  Also, blocked tube isn't an issue in IVF.  

I would personally also recommend AGAINST clomid.  I was bullied into using it by my insurance company who demands it like every 6 months as part of testing, and I actually think it's bad for women over 40 and thins the lining.  Just my two cents - I'm not an MD

But, most importantly, talk it through with your doc.  Do you feel confident in their advice?  What does she say about the blocked tube + IUI?  Don't be afraid of 2nd opinion - I love my RE but I still went for other advice.  At the end of the day, we have to be our own advocates.  We are here to listen, help, and send positive vibes your way!

jenfer916

@Private One
I was just reading over some of the comments and saw you had a loss a few weeks ago. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I appreciate all your advice.

Mrs.McIrish

You can learn about how you might stimulate by trying an IUI before IVF. But if you are using follistim or gonal f is expensive and you might not be saving much by doing IUI with a small success percentage. I agree with Dawn about avoiding clomid. Not good for over 40. As for why your doc didn't suggest IVF, she might not want you in her statistics. IUIs aren't reported whereas IVF is. Most doctors are highly protective of their statistics and unfortunately want to cherry pick patients they think they can get pregnant. They push IUI on the others. Sorry to be negative but I've been kicked out of clinics for this reason. They did not want me.

CheezeFace

jenfer916 said:

Thanks again to everyone for all the advice. It looks like I'll be using hCG & Gonadotropins. The title on my packet is Injectible Cycle with Intrauterine Inseminations. I guess I need to do a little more research on my own. If the blocked side is the only one making follicles would that continue to be the case? Would it change with a second cycle? I don't want to waste time but thought trying a couple IUI cycles first made sense. (At the time) My insurance coverage is capped at 30k for a lifetime.

First, try to avoid Clomid.  It's kind of awful.  But it's cheap.  Second, when I took stims, I produced a lot of eggs from both sides but the eggs weren't the best quality.  This is actually part of the reason why Clomid isn't an option for me anymore….  With Femera I ovulated from both sides as well but with higher quality follies and less of them.  Everyone is completely different. You  just won't know until you know, you know?  

(as an aside, fraternal twins run rampant in my family so this could explain the ovulation on both sides…it could just be genetics)

I know it's all confusing right now.  And overwhelming.  But if I could offer any advice it would be to do your research.  On the doctor, the clinic, the procedures, the drugs, your options.

Nootbar

At 41 with a blocked tube I would go straight to IVF. But that's just me and we all have to find our own path. My DH and I decided to go straight to IVF because the chances of success with IUI are so low - only to be canceled and converted to an IUI because I'm a poor responder to the injectables. So you never know until you try! Best wishes.

PrivateOne

jenfer916 said:

@Private One I was just reading over some of the comments and saw you had a loss a few weeks ago. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I appreciate all your advice.

jenfer916. It's a rough journey to say the least.

jenfer916

Hi everyone. My DH and I have decided to move straight to IVF. We'll start with my first period of 2014. The advice I received on this board were instrumental in our decision so thank you so much.

CheezeFace

Congratulations!  That's a huge decision.  Keep us posted!