Feeling Kind of Blah

AJCagle82

My EDD is in 10 days on November 30. My cousin is due around the same time. I'm dreading seeing her birth announcement. I don't know if I can handle it. I haven't had a meltdown in a while, but it feels like one is on its way. I keep thinking about the holidays coming up. Next week I'm going to start decorating for Christmas. All our family is coming to visit and I want to make it as Christmasy as possible. The happiness of the holidays is tainted by the loss I feel. I'm scared the joy of my favorite holiday won't come because I will only be able to think about Parker Jane. I miss her so much. I was looking forward to bringing her home to a completely decorated house. I love the holidays and I couldn't wait to share that with my little girl. Why can't we share this season with our little ones? I know we are all experiencing the same thoughts and feelings as the holidays approach. Sending out love to all you ladies.

Noethola

***Siggy warning***

Holidays are tough, especially with so many milestones coming up for you. Will be sending t&ps for you all this week and next! I am not going to lie to you, the holidays will be tainted. But, there are still ways to find joy in them too. 

The way I got through the holidays last year, and plan to again this year, are to find little ways to incorporate my daughter. I received an ornament last year for her "First Christmas in Heaven" and am looking forward to getting that out each year. If we ever do stockings with names on them, we will get one for her as well. We have also been considering doing something in the community in her name, like going down to feed at our nearest homeless shelter, or some other way of volunteering where its needed. 

jess123456

The holidays are so tough. I second trying to find ways to incorporate Parker into Christmas even though we of course wish our babies can be here physically. We have an ornament with our daughter's name and birthday on it that we will hang up again this year. Another loss mom from a support group I went to picks out a toy that is age appropriate for what her child should be and donates it to a local charity or toy drive each year in memory of her child. Going to a toy store can be difficult so I haven't done that just yet but I love the idea of donating something in my daughter's name. Hugs to you.

diamante1181

I'm so sorry. I feel that way also. I usually am totally into the holidays, and I'm afraid I just don't care this year. Where is my joy and excitement? Usually I get really psyched for shopping and decorating, but at this point I don't believe my tree will even come up this year. I do second the idea of getting a gift from the baby (in my case babies) and donating it to Toys for Tots. At least I can do something to make a child happy, even if I can't be.

**edit** I meant to say we are donating to Toys for Tots. 

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***




Like pp said, the holidays will probably be tainted - and I know it will be even harder for you this year. I'm so sorry.

I've also tried to find ways to incorporate Devon into our holidays. We got an ornament on his behalf last year that I can't wait to hang on our tree again [I'm also getting my parents a matching one this year for their tree], and I started donating to our Salvation Army Angel Tree in his memory. I actually need to go pick up an angel sometime this week. My mind has been more on him lately as we get closer to Thanksgiving; it's so hard to believe that this time last year, I was three months out from losing him and still not quite sure how the heck I was going to get through each day without losing my mind.

I'll be thinking of you as we get through Thanksgiving. Sending lots and lots of hugs.

AJCagle82

Thanks, ladies. I actually painted an ornament for Parker and we are going to get an angel/angel wings ornament for the tree (the one I painted turned out way too heavy for the tree). We have decided to make a donation in Parker's name and I believe my parents are going to do the same thing. She will be all over this holiday and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just wish she was here with me physically.

irons633

I am struggling with the same as last year I was grieving the loss of EJ and this year I am not only thinking of my baby boy but now I have my Olivia. I did get an angel ornament for EJ and plan on doing the same for Olivia. Hugs to you!!!

kz's_girlygirl

This will be our first holiday season after Jesse's death and I am not looking forward to it.  Like you, I am scared that I won't have the same feelings about holiday's now. 

This year, I think the holiday season is bound to be different and difficult.  I'm just going to go into it with that expectation so I won't beat myself up over not being thrilled over things. 

I don't know what else to say, other than I am so sorry.  I wish all of our babies could be here with us   I will be thinking of you next week, and as we go from Thanksgiving into Christmas I will keep you and Parker Jane on my mind

stefuge

I pray we all get through this holiday season with a minimal amount of pain and a minimal number of tears, and are immeasurably blessed with love and support from family and friends. ((Hugs))