4 yr old swimming help

catmw21

Hi all, My 4 almost 5 year old DD is fearful of going in the water where she cant stand. She likes to go in the baby pool and the shallow end of the big pool, but will not venture out to the part where she can't stand with me holding her.  She took two weeks of group swim lessons during the summer and it went from bad to worse. It was no fault of the instructors, I don't think, she just refused to try anything that would scare her even a little. By the last day she wouldn't even get in the water. SO like the opposite of the direction it usually goes for kids. 

DD is very outgoing but leans towards the cautious side when trying new things. I will say that last year around this time, she had a bad experience in a lesson where the college-age instructor pulled her under (briefly) when she was already upset and scared, 5 minutes into the first lesson. She got very upset and it has been downhill from there. The Aquatics Director who I discussed it with agreed that this should not have happened and that they in no way teach their instructors to do it. 

The instructor from the summer time suggested she take private lessons. I'm willing to pay for that but bringing it up to my daughter sends her to a fit. She says she wants me to teach her which I'm happy to do but I don't know if it will work or really where to start.

For what it is worth, it is only with swimming that she does this. She loves all the other activities we have tried like soccer, dance, drama, kindermusik, etc. and rarely has a problem separating from me, so it is definitely isolated. Normally, I wouldn't force her to do something she didn't like, but swimming is a critical safety skill that I think is important and necessary.

Any advice or suggestions from those who have been there, swim instructors, etc.? Am I'm pushing her too much at a young age or should she really be treading water by now?

neverblushed

Having raised 2 cautious kids, I think 4 is a good age to BEGIN real swimming lessons, not to expect a kid to be actually swimming independently.

Your DD has had a big scare at swimming lessons, and that has set her back and made her less comfortable in the water.  It seems like your response has been to try to solve that by pushing a little harder.  She probably senses your urgency, and it's making her feel even more anxious and reluctant about swimming.

Since it's the start of winter, I'd give her a break for a few months.  No swim lessons, and no talking about swimming.  In the late winter or spring, sign her up for private lessons with an instructor who has had experience working with kids who are afraid.

I know there are kids out there who are swimming like little fish at age 4, but that's not reasonable for every kid. Both of my kids were anxious when they started.  DD liked swim lessons but would NOT put her face in the water.  DS hated swim lessons at first. Despite this, they both learned by age 6.  Be patient!  She'll get it!

meg1974

My DD did the EXACT thing with her swim lessons last summer! She was doing great until the teacher forced her under water, after which she wanted nothing to do with it. 

We took her to the pool a few days a week, and DH worked with her. At first she was scared, but he just took it slow and eventually she became more comfortable. It was much better than an instructor though. Now, she is more comfortable in the water and goes out on her own with the noodle. She still isn't actually swimming, but now it's too cold to go to the pool. I guess we'll see what happens when the weather turns warm, and maybe get her lessons at that time.

groovygrl

DS is a fish and I've never had problems w/ him but DD is more hesitant though not as fearful as your DD. We have done private lessons since they were 3 and now do the small group kind.  We also bribe- if she won't go to swimming lessons she doesn't get to go to dance class or she gets some reward if she goes to swimming, etc. That might not be the best approach but we feel swimming is really important and it works to get her in the water. Not sure where you live but we go to Goldfish Swim School and have been very impressed w/ them, they have a number of locations in the midwest region.  They have what they call 'perpetual' lessons, which I think is great (though pricey) b/c you don't have to constantly sign kids up and they move up to the next level when they're ready, etc. Maybe you can find something like that near you.
GL!