How to proceed (Long)

Dr Quarters

Poof - thank you all for your help with this. 

sweetwalks

Another IA poster w connections??

SimpleJane

file for  temporary emergency custody based on her making threats to take C and her leaving the state herself, and the fact that C is in the home he has always been in and should reside there until the custody situation is settled in court. You can do this without a lawyer. You just need to go ask the court clerk for the appropriate papers.

Until there is a custody agreement either parent can keep the child and not give them back, assuming B is on the birth certificate. If B leaves C at daycare SIL can pick C up and leave. She leaves the state and files for custody there then things get messier. 

Right now I would have B remain with C at all times until the custody papers are filed. I wouldn't hand him over to a babysitter or daycare because SIL could come and get him. Once the emergency order is filed I would start looking at free legal aid in your area. There are lots of places that will dole out the advice for free and just tell you what paper work you need to file on your own. 

ambrvan

Ugh, I don't even know where to start. We have quite a few people here dealing with IL IA court systems, and I've gathered its pretty messy. There is a post father down about parental rights without a CO in place titled "I just found this" or something of the like that I think pertains to IA.

Otherwise, he should be selling anything he owns to make this $1000 retainer fee. Get a check advance, title loan, anything. And a job. If he wants to stand a fighting chance in hell. He needs a lawyer and needs it now.

If he truly is concerned for his son, "then not having money" will not be an issue unless he is homeless and truly scavenging. We have been there and did everything we had until we were sitting in the floor in the living room to pay attorney fees. So I know what it's like.

And being unemployed certainly does not give a father a leg up in the court's eyes. Remember that although many courts are pro 50/50 now, none are truly pro father over mother.

Good luck.

SimpleJane

I will add that unless she is a proven on paper drug addict or child abuser there is no way he will get sole custody with her never being allowed visitation. It just doesn't happen that way. He may get Primary if he can prove he will be the more stable force but she will still have overnight visits with the child away from B. The biggest thing is just making sure she doesn't take off with the child until something is in filed in court. 

Dr Quarters

 

SimpleJane said:

file for  temporary emergency custody based on her making threats to take C and her leaving the state herself, and the fact that C is in the home he has always been in and should reside there until the custody situation is settled in court. You can do this without a lawyer. You just need to go ask the court clerk for the appropriate papers.

 

Awesome, thanks. We didn't know you could do this on your own so I passed this information on to B.  Apparently everything is online so we are looking for that.

Until there is a custody agreement either parent can keep the child and not give them back, assuming B is on the birth certificate. If B leaves C at daycare SIL can pick C up and leave. She leaves the state and files for custody there then things get messier. 

B is definitely on the birth certificate.  He sitter are my parents. If she shows up at their house and he's not there can she take him? I don't see her ever showing there again but it could happen.

SimpleJane

Your parents have no custody. Your brother does. If they are out and about with him the mother could definitely take him. If they are in their home I don't think she can because she can't enter without their permission (trespassing). However, if she calls the police and says my son is in there and they wont hand him over to me, and your brother isn't there, the police would likely give him to the mother. Because again, the grandparents have no rights especially over the mother. 

Dr Quarters

 

 

 

 

Dr Quarters

SimpleJane said:

I will add that unless she is a proven on paper drug addict or child abuser there is no way he will get sole custody with her never being allowed visitation. It just doesn't happen that way. He may get Primary if he can prove he will be the more stable force but she will still have overnight visits with the child away from B. The biggest thing is just making sure she doesn't take off with the child until something is in filed in court. 

I told B that the chances of full are pretty much not going to happen. To my knowledge there is no physical abuse and the issue would just be neglect and even that would be hard to prove. 

 

Dr Quarters

 

nurrieum

There are lawyers in IA who take payments- You don't always have to come up with it upfront. Also- I was the poster "I just found this" and iowalegalaid.org has a lot of information- that post should have included links.

cole2144

He needs to contact Legal Aid asap. They can give him free legal advice and even file for custody for him. BM has every right to take the child from anyone. She is the mother so unless your brother has an order in place, she has just as much right to the child as he does. Her rights certainly trump your parents.

Dr Quarters

 

I know my parents have no rights here. I just didn't know how it would work with it being my parents house. 

Thank you all for your help in this matter. My Dad has decided to help out so B has an appointment with a lawyer.  He spoke with her on the phone and he feels a lot better about the situation.  I am definitely encouraging him to be as cooperative as possible with SIL. He is being surprisingly mature about the whole situation and definitely wants what's best for C.

 

Dr Quarters

@wendilea thank you for the website.  It pulled right up so I will pass that on to him.  The two states thing definitely blows so hopefully it doesn't come to that legally.

@nurrieun I'm going to go pull up your post. Thanks.

nurrieum

Dr Quarters said:

@wendilea thank you for the website.  It pulled right up so I will pass that on to him.  The two states thing definitely blows so hopefully it doesn't come to that legally.

@nurrieun I'm going to go pull up your post. Thanks.

You're welcome!

+just+j+

If this is about another Iowa case (holy crap it's an epidemic of Iowans here) it's not always messy.   But if one parent wants to get pissy - it can.  Like anywhere. Some counties are also better than others.

I didn't see the original post, but I will tell you what I have gathered from what I see.

More than likely with your CO, you will have to attend a Children In the Middle Class. Embrace it and go.  It's good for you as a parent and they teach you about your child's development and how they may react thru the divorce process.  XH and I learned a lot and we still refer back to the class as we try to co-parent together.

Nurrieum is correct.  There are lawyers that take payments, but do not sacrifice a good lawyer for that convenience. 

Grandparents have no rites in Iowa.  None. There may be a change coming soon because someone is working toward changing that,  but it will be a long ways down the road if it ever happens. 

If you are questioning whether or not it matters if you are living in your parent's home - no.  As long as you have a safe, good home that you reside in and have some permanency of some sort, a judge will not question that or deny you custody as long as you  have a job, and are generally a good parent.

You won't get sole unless there are some serious things on her record that would prevent that. However, my lawyer says that judges are getting tougher about shared custody and prefer to give parents 50/50 if it works for your situation.  I suggest you be reasonable in your request.  Yes, it's unlikely for a father to get primary, but if both parents are equal in their care-giving, I believe 50/50 is fair if you both live reasonably close.

You can of course fight for primary, but you would have to be prove why that is important or why it should be that way.  Or BM would have to agree to it.  If she agreed to it, then a judge would grant that, as he did in my case. My XH agreed to me being primary. 

That's all I know about the Iowa system given my recent divorce & CO from this past year.  Find a good lawyer that suits you and do what's best for your child. Not you. The child. 

That's my advice. Sorry I missed your post and I hope it helped a little.

+just+j+

One more thing.  I am of the mind that if you present a CO first, and you ask reasonable and fair conditions - a judge will appreciate that and be fair to you.

Ask for the world and be a jackass about it, just to be difficult toward the BM, and you are going to be seen as a pain in the ass. 

Lawyer Up. Set aside the BS. Be fair. Kid first.

That's my advice.

Dr Quarters

+just+j+ said:

One more thing.  I am of the mind that if you present a CO first, and you ask reasonable and fair conditions - a judge will appreciate that and be fair to you.

Ask for the world and be a jackass about it, just to be difficult toward the BM, and you are going to be seen as a pain in the ass. 

Lawyer Up. Set aside the BS. Be fair. Kid first.

That's my advice.

This is very wise, thank you. I'm going to pass both your posts on to my brother as they are very helpful. He told me earlier that he wanted to be vindictive but he just keeps thinking of C and how it would affect him and it keeps him in check. I hope he stays in that mind set and that she gets on board with that too.

+just+j+

Glad he is keeping it in check. Vindictive is NEVER a good idea. Ever. My ex step kids are so screwed up over vindictive parents. It's why I try really hard to co-parent with my narcissistic ex-husband. It is not easy but life is easier when you can co-parent and your child is not in the middle. The child suffers when you get petty.