9 days 8 hours 22 minutes. Am I ALONE!

missenchanting78

It took me 9 days 8 hours 22 minutes to finally cry and come to the realization that I lost my baby. I have been numb ever since I heard those dreaded words, I AM SORRY. I knew by the look of my OB face who was staring at the ultrasound screen that my dream of becoming a mother was about to end for now. Even then no tears. When I arrived to the hospital and went off to surgery to have my right tube removed, no tears. When my doctor told me after surgery my right tube was gone and my left tube was damaged, no tears. As I cradled by great and loving husband in my arms and saw tears in his eyes saying he was scared of losing me because I had internal bleeding, no tears. When I saw the 3 small incisions on my stomach and could barley walk from the pain from surgery, no tears. When my body was getting rid all the reminisces of feeling pregnant (I miss feeling nausea) and seeing the reminders flush away in the toilet like my dreams, no tears. When I was driving home this evening from having a Me Day, finally TEARS. I screamed, yelled, cried, and lost it. It hit me out of nowhere. My chest felt like it was about to explode from the pain, anger, sorrow, and other emotions I was experiencing. I just wanted to make it home safely before I fell completely apart. When I made it home my husband could tell something was wrong. He held me while I cried and told him how I was feeling. Right now I feel better that cleansed my soul with those tears. Am I alone with these delayed emotions? I wanted this child badly and fell in love as soon as I peed on the stick and saw my future. I will definitely be laying on somebody's couch next week because I do not feel normal right now.

p3ngu1nn

((HUGS)) to you. Grief is different for everyone, and sometimes it takes time for the tears to come. Don't worry about or force your feelings, just let it happen when it happens. It can be a scary and really sucky roller coaster to ride, but it's the only way. We're all here for you as you make your way through this horrible, horrible experience. I am so sorry that any of us have to deal with this kind of pain. 

((Hugs)) ((Hugs)) and more ((HUGS))

mara005

I had a hard/complicated D&C, meaning I had to be in the hospital for a few days. While I was in bed I made jokes about my physical condition,  talked about anything other than my baby and was in a very neutral mood.
But once I started to feel physically better, the emotions really hit me, especially when I was alone. About 8 weeks or so later I started to see a therapist, I think it's helping.
Please let it out and take care of yourself.

Emma2370

I am sorry for your loss, Grief has no rhyme or reason everyone deals differently. For me being alone brought all the emotions out. Hang in there, take things day by days thoughts and prayers to you and your husband.

alilbear

Sending you lots of ((HUGS)).

taberbtb

PP have offered some great perspectives on grief. Please don't be afraid to allow yourself to grieve. ((HUGS)) and T&P'S to you and your husband during this time.

MrsHamon09

Sending so many ((hugs))

alm288

I'm very sorry :-( Sending lots of hugs your way!

apazandak

So so sorry for your loss. (Hugs)

buggirl72

I'm sorry for your loss. As the PP's have said, everyone grieves differently. Try not to compare your grief to other peoples or wonder if what you are feeling or when you are feeling it is normal or okay.

jlworden710

So many hugs your way. Be easy in yourself. Like others have said, grief is different for everyone. You are going to feel it and be affected in your own way. So sorry it's like this, hoping you find peace

stefuge

Grief is absolutely different for everyone. My therapist describes shock as Gods anesthesia, it protects us and allows us to deal with the pain as we are able, instead of completely overwhelming us. I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

masterofallcheese

PPs have echoed any advice i could offer... i just wanted to add extra hugs. grieve in the way that feels right to you

TXSparky

I'm so sorry. I think most people experience grief in waves.  I go through periods of "normal" (normal doesn't quite mean the same thing anymore), despair, and numb.I  know it can be incredibly hard going through the more emotional times, but it's important to let yourself feel whatever emotions you need to feel each day (or minute even). You and your husband will be in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope you find some peace.  ((hugs))

Number2forus

I am so sorry I know how you feel! Hugs!

megrae12

I am so sorry, hun! Grief is a fickle bitch to say the least. One minute you think you are fine then the next you are sobbing like a baby. It's terrible. I am so sorry it is hitting you so hard. Give yourself time, give yourself permission to grieve. When the bad days hit again, we are here to help you get back up and start hitting back. BIG BIG ((HUGS)) to you sweetie. 

missenchanting78

Thanks ladies for all the well wishes and kind words. I will definitely not be hard on myself and grieve in my own way. I am blessed to have such wonderful women like you to help me along this journey.

peggels24

It sucks....whenever it hits you, it sucks