I've been a lurker for about a week and am ready to introduce myself. with a little venting.

AbbyM84

Hi there! So, I've been lurking on this site for about a week as I am also on the March 2014 board. My boyfriend and I just got a confirmation on the 11th that our baby boy has a cleft lip on the right side and the doc says more then likely will also have a cleft palate. We are due around March 26th but from my latest measurements it is anywhere between the 22nd and 26th. This news has been a total shocker to us and I know I'm having a hard time processing all of the information given to us. I'm just so sad and confused on why this is happening to our sweet little baby. I think my family is all thinking that I'm only upset because that he is going to come out looking different then other babies but this isn't the case at all....he is perfect already in my eyes. The stuff I'm most upset about is knowing my baby will have to go through surgeries already at such a young age.  And I know I've heard it already a million times..."At least he will be young and not remember." "Cleft lip/palate is so common and easy to be fixed." "Well, at least this is the only thing you have to deal with." Yup! I'm over all of that "nonsense" talk....I still feel like crap and like it was something I did wrong (I know I did nothing wrong) And all of the other complications that can come from this is sooooo overwhelming! Special feeding techniques that not only do I and bf have to learn, but teaching other caregivers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and anyone else wanting to help out. Just a lot to take in already at only 21 weeks in to the pregnancy and just more to come! 

Thanks so much for reading and taking time to listen to my rant....I really don't know who else to talk to about all of this yet as I really don't know anyone in my area yet going through something like this or has gone through something like this.

realisticdreams

Welcome to the board, I think we have a couple other moms who have dealt with cleft lip/palate.  A lot of us have dealt with surgeries and feeding difficulties though.  

Everyone here is really nice and you non-judgmental.  It's completely normal to go through the process you are, you are grieving how you thought things would be.  I am sorry you will have to deal with all of this but eventually one day, it will be a distant memory.  

FWIW, It did make me feel better that dd1 was too young to remember most of her surgeries (now that she is 4--I feel way worse when she has stuff done)

However YOU feel is completely normal.  

HUGS

woodstephanie

Hi abby, I am a first time mom and found out yesterday at 16 weeks that pur baby boy hasa cleft lip ppossible cleft palate on his right side. I completely empathize with all that you are going through. If you ever need or want to talk I would love to connect with someone who is in the same situation. I have never posted anything before so kind of new to how this all works, but I will check back on this board. Keep your head up mama.

rsd12

Awwww, I totally know how you feel! My oldest is almost 8 years old. I don't even know how that happened!!! He was born with a unilateral complete cleft lip and palate on the left side.

The first year was the most difficult, mostly due to feeding challenges and 3 surgeries, being our first child. But we could not imagine our lives without our son. He is perfect and a very typical boy. He has had a few bumps along his road (speech, ear tubes) and will have to have more surgeries but he is such a strong and brave boy.

I can try to answer any questions you have!

Assembly_Reqd

Welcome! I agree that the first year will be the toughest ( true for any dx ). You are trying to get your groove together with a new baby, and then you have all this other crap to deal with on top of that.

I would say that the silver lining is that you know so early and can take the time to process all of this before you have a newborn to take care of. You can get all of the googling bullshit out of your system, research doctor's and adjust your birth experience expectations to a more reality based scenario. Also, getting the extended family and their expectations straightened out will pay benefits later as well. Then, when your little boy arrives, it can be a true celebration instead of an anxiety filled nightmare.

Welcome to the board no one else wanted to join either. We are here for you and good luck!

mommytoconnor

Welcome.  I know it's a hard thing, but I can tell you that you did nothing wrong.  I am a RN who works with newborns and their mama's after they deliver and we have cleft palate and cleft lips all the time.  Don't worry about all you have to learn. The speech therapists and nurses will show you how to use a haberman feeder and a plastic surgeon will more than likely come and see you shortly after delivery to talk about severity and when would be best for corrective surgery. It is a fairly routine procedure anymore with great results. As far as family is concerned, don't worry about them, you just focus on you and your beautiful baby that is coming soon.  They need to deal with their issues their way. Keep your chin up and have faith that your LO will be just fine, and so will you. Welcome to the board.

AbbyM84

Thanks all! We really appreciate all of the support!!