A vent and question

LaurelBee

I'm hosting 2 playgroups in my home this Dec for my Mom's Group. One is a cookie decorating playdate where I will provide cookies, icing, and sprinkles for kids to decorate their own cookies. I put an age of 2yrs and older bc I just don't think 1yr olds are old enough to participate. Plus, the mess yo. So a newish member RSVPd with her 22mo and twin 3mo olds and was like, it's ok right?

Ummmmm.... I guess so, but I put an age on there, respect it, right? I would've just ignored it, bc she has 3 babies and probably just needs out of her house.

But the 2nd playgroup I'm hosting is a Holiday Cookie Exchange. Everyone brings 2 doz cookies (with recipes) to share and we all leave with an assortment of cookies! There were no age limits to this playgroup, so the same chick RSVPd yes. And in the comments she wrote "I'm bringing a friend with me! She has a 2yo."

WTF This is extremely rude, right? She just invited a stranger to my house, with out asking me! What should I do for both scenarios? Do i allow her to come to the 1st playgroup bc she probably needs it? Or do I politely decline her bc she didn't respect my wishes as the host. I mean, no way is she bringing a friend to the 2nd one. How do I word it diplomatically? WTF is wrong with people?

azzyberry

I personally would not attend something that clearly excluded my kids on the invite nor would I invite my friend to a playgroup without at least checking with the host first (which is kind of rude) however, I think you were a little rude too.  If you are going to host a playgroup for a mom's group I think it should be inclusive of all of the members.  I would either let the younger ones participate in the cookie decorating or have another activity for them that was a little more age appropriate.  I would be kind of offended if I was excluded from a playgroup function that was a part of my mom's group.

LaurelBee

@azzyberry Interesting. Never thought it would be rude to put age specific playgroups up! There are 75 women in my group and age specific (even gender specific) playgroups are normal. Baby play dates, 2 and up movie play dates, etc.

LaurelBee

Eta, I said siblings were welcome to the 2 and up Playdate bc obviously Dd will be there. So there will be things for babies to play with while big sis/brother decorates.

Monkeybabe

I don't think it's rude to put an age range on a play group. There are age specific play dates on my FB mom groups all the time. 

I do think it's weird and rude to invite a random friend to someone's house. 

I'd let her come to both events, if she's still willing to after letting her know that she can't bring her friend to your home. She might get pissy that her friend isn't welcome and bow out anyways.

BluepointToasted

None of this would bother me. 22 month old is close enough, and would probably enjoy the activity, and it's not like the 3 month olds will decorate cookies. It would not bother me at all that she was bringing a friend to the second....I host a lot at my house. The more the merrier.

LoveActually4

I agree with OM.

I understand the frustrations. However with mom groups I always think about that poor "friend". What if she doesn't know anyone and her friend is trying to introduce her to other moms? What if she's too shy to join and attend one of these events on her own? She may really need to get out of the house that day and meet some moms.

SGC29

Neither would bother me. I'm still not seeing what is wrong with the first one, though. I can kind of understand the second, though I probably wouldn't mind it. I guess if you don't want her to bring a friend you can say that the invites are for members only.

LaurelBee

fredalina said:

Eta, I said siblings were welcome to the 2 and up Playdate bc obviously Dd will be there. So there will be things for babies to play with while big sis/brother decorates.

So you're really bothered by 2 months?

If that were the only thing, it wouldn't have bothered me much at all. Our moms group is a closed group. People don't just show up to play dates all willy nilly. There is a guest list for how many people the mom wants to host and a waiting list for those who will get bumped up if someone cancels. It's all 1st come 1st served, so no favorites. I just am shocked someone would invite a stranger to someone's house. We have park, mall, zoo and other play dates. Bring to one of those, not to someone's private residence where there is a limited number of people coming! I've also decided to not provide sprinkles. That is a bad idea, even for a 3yo!

ASmallWonder

The first one I wouldn't mind at all.  The second one I agree that she should have asked but I also agree with whoever said that maybe she's trying to get her friend out there to meet other moms.  For that case I wouldn't tell her no but I might respond with "Thanks for letting me know you'd like to bring a friend.  Generally the playgroups are limited to members because the get togethers are in people's homes and too many people can get out of hand.  I'm happy to have her come so she can get a feel for if she'd like to join the group  Could you send me her name and her child's name?"

mom2pottamus

I might be mistaken, but haven't you been having issues in the past with this playgroup and people not showing up for events they signed up for?  I recall you doing some pretty awesome playdate setups and then not having anyone come...the reason I mention this is maybe you have the opportunity to add some people to the playgroups that may consistently come.  I wouldn't be upset about the bringing a friend or the 22mo old being literally 8 weeks shy of the age cutoff...I would be hoping that maybe more dependable people would start becoming part of the regular playdates...

Tally06

My mom's group sounds similar to yours. The first situation wouldn't bother me at all but inviting other people to someone's house is strange. I know how hectic the big in-home play dates are and there is no reason to bring extra people who aren't in the group. Our group has a policy that you can't show up to a home play date until you have attended one that was in public and have met some other members.

LaurelBee

Sterling13 said:

LaurelBee said:

fredalina said:

LaurelBee said:

Eta, I said siblings were welcome to the 2 and up Playdate bc obviously Dd will be there. So there will be things for babies to play with while big sis/brother decorates.

So you're really bothered by 2 months?

If that were the only thing, it wouldn't have bothered me much at all. Our moms group is a closed group. People don't just show up to play dates all willy nilly. There is a guest list for how many people the mom wants to host and a waiting list for those who will get bumped up if someone cancels. It's all 1st come 1st served, so no favorites. I just am shocked someone would invite a stranger to someone's house. We have park, mall, zoo and other play dates. Bring to one of those, not to someone's private residence where there is a limited number of people coming!

I've also decided to not provide sprinkles. That is a bad idea, even for a 3yo!

This is a damn shame. I love me some sprinkles. Can't you just put a tarp down in the kitchen?


Well...I do have a dog...

LaurelBee

@mom2pottamus Yes, that was me. In the summer, it seems like no one comes and in the winter everyone wants to!! Oye.

@talley06 Same with mine. It's considered good practice to attend out-of-home playgroups first to meet some moms. I host New Member Playgroups each month outside my home for this very reason...

ppants

Maybe the new mom is intimidated by the mom's group and would like someone to tag along to ease the awkwardness. 

MrsCodeMonkey

Wow, that's a huge playgroup. I know our house couldn't handle it. I limit our playdates to at most 3 other moms with kids. With that the house still gets destroyed. I can just picture frosting everywhere. Maybe the kids DD plays with are messier, but we just served a few frosted cookies and I was cleaning frosting from toys for days.

I think since you're the host you should be able to set the limits on how many people are invited. If you were having this at a park or another public place it would be another story.

That said, I would never bring someone to a get together without asking first.

Also, both of these get togethers sound like a lot of fun! Can we come too? Just kidding.

lildevil968

Neither one of these would bother me. Maybe she is bringing the other mom so she can make mom friends?

Lawplusbabyweight

@AuburnGirlSC- who knew?! Lol.

I'm glad the get togethers I have with friends with kids are a much more relaxed affair. Only thing we have to remember is who's turn it is to bring the wine!

LaurelBee

I wrote her an email saying she is welcome at both playgroups, and asked if her friend was interested in joining. Mystery solved! I guess Meetup.com sent her an email that said "invite a friend" to join Meetup.com. She took that to mean, invite a friend to an actual play date. Her friend lives a few towns over and is not interested in joining, so I am ok with her friend not coming. @mrscodemonkey if you can get yourself to Chicago, you are definitely welcome!

MrsCodeMonkey

@LaurelBee if I'll hop in the car now I'll be there by Sun. Lol Well, maybe it wouldn't take quite that long, but it's certainly a distance. I'm in NY state near the PA border.