stuck

kaydee_2008

How do you get through when it all become to much? I feel like I'm just getting worse and worse. Annaleigh would be for weeks old today if she had lived. I should be 30 weeks pregnant still. How do I keep moving forward when I'm stuck, all I can see over and over is the appointment. The doctor saying I'm sorry sweetie this baby isn't going to make it. I see her being born and gasping to breath. I see the doctor coming in and pronouncing her gone. Handing her back, the funeral director coming to the house for papers to be signed. Knowing that my baby sat in a fridge waiting to be cremated for days. Losing friends because they see this as I killed my baby. I didn't kill her. I saw her alive for a few minutes. Trisomy 13 killed my baby not me. I just want to close my eyes for one and not see all this on replay. I just want my life back.I want my Annaleigh.

PerkyErky

***siggy warning***

You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. And you most definitely did not kill your baby. Anyone who says differently is NOT your friend and you don't need (especially as you navigate this terrible world of grief) that kind of negativity.

For about two months after we lost Alice I struggled to sleep because every time I closed my eyes I replayed everything and my brain had time to think way too much. I talked with my DH in those quiet hours and cried and let myself be broken. I never saw a counselor, but I know they have helped so many women on this board. Look for a grief counselor who will listen and not judge and remind you your feelings are normal. I had to take sleeping pills for a bit just to make my brain be quiet so I could sleep. That may be an option for you as well.

Lastly HUGE HUGE HUGS. This is a horrible tragic event and it changes your whole world. Your loss is still very new. You love your baby and would have done anything to have her be alive and healthy.

kz's_girlygirl

I am so so sorry for your loss of Annaleigh.  You did not do anything wrong or cause this to happen in ANY way.  Please know that. 

We lost Jesse on Oct. 13 and I definitely still struggle-  as hard as it is, and as much as I was to just stop feeling sometimes, I know it is normal.  We loved our children and love them still-I try to remind myself that the pain I am feeling, and the fear and guilt I am feeling come from the root of love. 

I go to a group support group for infertility and loss and while it is hard to go, it is a place where I can say things I feel I can't really say to family or friends- the women there 'get it.'  We 'get it' here too, and please use this board as much or as little as you want/need to. 

I am thinking of you with peace and healing

mingaling2

Whatever you hear or whatever you think, please know you did nothing wrong. You didn't choose this. 

We are all stuck in this with you. {{hugs}}

Heatherhah

You did nothing wrong you love her. She is your baby please ignore those horrible people who are not positive in your life. Hugs!!

Heather

bunnybun4

so sorry you are going thru this...and as PP's have said it is not in any way your fault.

I grieved for a long time and went thru many stages and then I hit a "flashback stage" pretty recently...I would lay in the bed at night with all of these memories flooding my head.  It was like I was reliving them all over again.  I talked to my therapist about them and she reminded me that I had been solely dealing with my grief but that the trauma I experienced was a completely separate thing that my body was choosing to start to deal with.  She started teaching me relaxation exercises to do when my mind starts to race and they really help.  I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist to help you through all of the layers to this.

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***



I can't believe you've lost friends because they think you killed your baby. That is one of the most awful things ever. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that; this is NOT your fault. At all.

It took months for me to not feel stuck...and some days, I still feel stuck. In those early weeks/months, I didn't sleep, didn't eat, didn't do anything but cry. I cried every day for two months straight, but I quit counting the days after I hit 60. I tried counseling but didn't like it, so I just dealt with things on my own until I found someone who would listen and help me out [that round of counseling was 7 months after I lost Devon, and the guy I worked with seriously saved my sanity...he was amazing]. Just do what is right for YOU - if it's crying every day, staying in bed, writing in a journal, using us as a sounding board, do it.

I wish I had better words of wisdom, or some better words of comfort, to help through these hard days. Thinking of you and your sweet Annaleigh. **HUGS**

neptunebljc

There are a lot of good articles out there too, that help process things. 

https://www.mommyish.com/2013/11/13/10-things-to-never-say-to-a-grieving-parent/

https://stillstandingmag.com/category/grief/

I always take one day at a time.  I found that I had a few people around me and I would retell what happened over and over again. Just to help process the events.  I would also suggest a grief counselor. I have only gone for one session and she had a lot of good ways to help me deal with my low days.

jess123456

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. You absolutely did not cause this. I also can't believe the friends who haven't supported you through this. That must be so hard.

We also lost our daughter to a trisomy and it is so so hard. Like others have said, journaling, finding a support group and/or going to a great therapist can help you with this journey. You are not alone in feeling this way and we are always here for you especially when it feels like the whole world just doesn't understand. Hugs to you.

CRUN2012

I'm so sorry you feel stuck and please understand that what pp have said you did NOTHING wrong.

Sometimes I talk out loud to my son Carter and tell him how I'm feeling. I tell him how much I miss him, how much I love him, how I know he would've looked just like his daddy and how I know he would've loved our chocolate lab Libby. It helps me feel closer to him and helps me understand that he is still with me.

Lots of hugs to you and your family during this difficult time!

irons633

I'm so sorry of the loss of your precious baby girl. As everyone else sated those people were not your friends. I have felt the way you have and I can say counseling is working g for me. I send you many hugs and prayers.

stefuge

I am so sorry for your loss. This is one of the most difficult, traumatic, life-altering things to experience. Grief is a process and you will never be the same. It has been about 10 weeks since we lost Colton, and the grief attacks still come. Unfortunately, the people in our lives do not, for the most part, understand what we are going through. Please use this board as you feel comfortable, these ladies are amazing. I also started grief counseling and it has helped to have a safe, intentional space to talk through everything I am feeling and struggling with. ((Hugs))

VyD81

I'm sorry for your loss of Annaleigh and sorry that your friends do not understand. Grieving a lost child is hard enough, you don't need them to upset you. We understand what you're going through and will be here for you. 

 Hugs.

Barbercharm

I am new to this board and haven't done an official intro (I will soon).. But I came across your post and wanted to comment.. I just lost my son to Trisomy 18 3 weeks ago (he was born 4 weeks early). We were blessed to have him with us for 6 days. Please PM me if you ever want to talk.

AJCagle82

I just want to reiterate what a lot of pps have said. You did NOT kill your baby. If there are people in your life actually blaming you for this, then they deserve no place in your life. I'm sorry if that is harsh, but to think that this is something you would have chosen for yourself or your child is ridiculous. Right now you should surround yourself with positive and supportive people. It is hard enough to go through this situation without feeling like you're being judged on top of it. I'm so so so sorry that people are saying this or making you feel this way. Please be easy on yourself and know that they are wrong. It really infuriates me that someone would do that to you! I hope you have positive people in your life who will stand up to the negative ones. Lots of love being sent your way!