Single Parents

He came around-long

The father of my daughter abandoned me when I was 11 weeks pregnant. He said he couldn't handle it and when I refused to have an abortion his contact quickly ended. He stopped returning my texts and calls after a few heated discussions. After a couple months of being alone and pregnant, my ex (before my daughters father and I dated) came around and told me he wanted to be there to support me and help me raise this baby. Of course being alone and sad about my daughters father, I accepted this support and quickly he was back in my life 100%. I continued to text the father to see if anything had changed, even told him if he wanted to be at her birth he can let me know. I never got a response. A month after she was born he contacted me asking if he could see us. He held her, kissed her and apologized to me for being such a terrible person. He confessed about how wrong he was and said he was scared and didn't think he could handle being a father. Then he said he wants to be in both of our lives and wants to raise her together, as a family. Now I'm stuck between finally getting exactly what I prayed for during the 9 months and letting my ex back into my life, who has fallen in love with my daughter. Am I stupid for even considering a life with this man who abandoned me? Am I stupid for wanting a family with him and raising her with him? I don't want to hurt anyone but now the future of 4 people lays on my shoulders and I just want to do what's right for everyone.

Re: He came around-long

  • Forget doing what's right for everyone.  You need to do what's right for your child (#1) and you (#2).  That may or may not mean you and her father having an intimate relationship but have a good co-parenting relationship would definitely be beneficial. I personally don't think you should be in a romantic relationship with either of them right now.  It also seems you may have used the other guy and that isn't really fair to him.  Just my 2 cents.
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  • jetapooh03jetapooh03 member
    edited November 2013
    Be careful here. I don't know who you love or whether you love either of them, but it sounds like you are thinking in terms of what you think you need when you really don't need either of them and you have proven that.  So I agree with tig594, you need to do what is right for you and your child. Who treats you the best? Who treats your daughter the best? Who is the most reliable? Is this biological father even serious about being with you? Has he given you a ring? What is best for your daughter may not be best for you, and quite frankly, this guy may not be good for either one of you. Make him prove himself.Remember, anyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a dad. Take your time to make a decision... he did.
  • I love my ex like family. He is like my best friend. I can always count on him and I'm not afraid to lose him as much as I'm afraid of hurting him. I am not interested in being intimate with him and that has always been the root of the problem in our relationship. My daughters father and I dated for a year before I got pregnant. He is a good person but emotionally flawed. I trust him to be a good father now that he is in her life but I don't know if I trust him with my heart even though I feel he will always be in mine. I know I don't need either of them. I just wish I had never let my ex back into my life. I wish my daughters father had stuck by me through the pregnancy. I wish a lot of things. I see her dad with her and can just stare at them together. I don't want to miss a moment. My ex is good with her but he doesn't treat her like she is his own, and I don't expect him to.
  • You need to end things with your ex. It sounds like your just leading him on and that isnt fair to him.

    If you really want your ex back take it slow.
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