Re-intro and questions about DIA

jillianmb

Hi all! I was active year about a year ago, but haven't been very active in a while. My husband and I adopted our amazing, tender little boy from Russia almost one year ago. He is now 3 1/2 and we love him so deeply. Adopting him has been the best decision we've ever made! 

After he came home we had to decide whether to start fertility treatments or a second adoption since we want more kids. We decided to opt for fertility treatments first so our ages would be on our side and that's where we are right now. So far we have not had any luck. 

Regardless of whether we have a bio child, we would like to adopt again. We had a good experience w/ international adoption but it was very draining. We are thinking about going domestic this time. I wanted to ask on this board if anyone has done a DIA with little involvement with the expectant mom during the pregnancy and birth. Maybe my heart will change, but at this point if our IF treatments don't work, I have a hard time imagining myself wanting to witness any ultrasounds or the delivery and birth. I think it would be so painful for me since I want that so badly for myself. I've heard it can be a healing experience after IF, but honestly I just can't get my head around it. Has anyone here done a DIA where they were not part of the pregnancy and birth process? 

Dr.Loretta

Yep. DD's birthmom didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth. She made an adoption plan when DD was about 12 hours old, and chose us around that time. So we got The Call, met everyone that night, and took DD home the next day.

Our agency stated that about half of their placements are emergency placements like ours (child already born). We could state that we were open to it when we did our profile.

If you have any other specific questions, feel free to PM me.

PS-I just saw a link to your blog on FB and read one of your recent posts. I really enjoyed it!

IRR

Jillian - Glad to hear all is well with LO.  IF treatments suck.  I agree with other posters, if you adopt from a different state you don't need to be involved with Dr. appts, etc. and many babies are stork drops or matched only in the last trimester.  There are some EM's wanting closed adoptions although many are semi-open to open. Your mind may change about being able to be involved with Dr. appts as time goes on.  I would welcome that opportunity, but I have never been given the chance to participate for any of our failed adoptions based on location and now if this one does work out, we will only meet the EM at the hospital since we matched so late in the process.  GL.

summergirl79

We had a quick match of a few weeks so limited involvement for us, I did go to last Dr. appt and was in delivery room per birth mom's request (and for me was thrilled that she wanted it that way).  It really does vary as you can see by other's responses.   We are in the midst of DIA #2 so we'll see what happens this time around.... Best wishes on your journey(s). I love reading your blog!  

crene84

Glad to see an update.  Wishing you the best of luck and hoping you are able to get a BFP soon! As others have said, there are always EPs that want closed adoptions or out of staters..and we also matched so fast that we barely had any time to get to know DD's BM.  We were in the delivery room though, which I am very grateful for, but can understand if you don't want that.  Good luck!

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irismorning

I have been wondering how you guys were doing! I just caught up on your blog, he is adorable!

jillianmb

Thanks for all your replies! If you have a semi-open adoption where you don't see the EP but you do send (or you are the BM, receive) pictures and updates, how many times did you meet in person before the baby was born? 

kekis

Hi Jillian -- We were matched w/ Kate's BM on August 25, 2012 and Kate was born on September 11 - only 16 days later - so we weren't involved with anything really.  I did not attend BM's last few appointments, but the agency owner did send me an u/s pic on August 30 when she/we found out it was a girl.  Through my many years of TTC/RPL/IF, it was amazing how exciting it was to see that pic because I knew in my heart that baby girl would be mine.  I also met BM at the hospital a few days when she was in early labor pain just a few days before DD's birth.  It was at that time I got to hear the heartbeat which was surprisingly amazing for me even though the last heartbeat I had heard was one of the babies I lost.

Amazingly, I was in the delivery room with BM and was the first to see/hold/everything my daughter.  I'm so thankful for it because it is part my daughter's story (not mine) and is something I can cherish and share with her as she learns the beautiful story of how we came to be her parents.

I perfectly understand all of your fears & hesitations.  I also know your faith since I "met" you here and now follow your blog, IG, etc.  Let God guide you through this.  I questioned and cursed him when I could not become a mother by my own doing, but I can now tell you that He was in charge all along.  EVERY single step was His plan, and I honestly wouldn't change a thing now. (Jer. 29:11!!!!)  I often tell DD that she was created by the many, many tears I shed before we were led to her. 

Continue to pray that God's plan brings you through the confusion, fear, and dark times and on to your next child.  Precious little A has his story and your next child will, too.  Feel free to check out my path in my very neglected blog (link in sig) and/or email me at kekis26 at gmail dot com if you ever need someone.

sgb721

I wonder too if I will struggle being invited to appointments as I so desperately wish I was the one carrying our child, but I think in the end its an experience I'll personally regret missing. After all, its our child and I want to be there as much as I can from as early as I can..... its definitely hard.

I can't believe its been a year

Flamingo86

Hi Jillian! I have nothing to add as I am very new at the adoption thing but best of luck! I follow your blog and FB (hope that doesn't sound creepy)