Need to rescue my marriage

maybebaby3456

I know this probably isn't the greatest board to post this on but I just need to air this out.  I think my marriage is in trouble.  We have been married almost 3 years and have a 1.5 YO.  In the past few months I have finally gotten all baby weight off, and then some - about 10 extra pounds and I look and feel better than ever.  That is great news to me but it has produced somewhat of a problem - I have been getting more male attention than usual and I think that I like that WAY too much.  My husband is a great guy but he isn't around a ton, his work hours are odd and I feel like LO and I are alone a lot. 

I find my mind wandering daily about letting myself be wooed by some stranger, having just a sexual relationship or even just the little butterflies you get when you think of the idea of liking someone new.  I would never cheat - ever, it has been deemed as a deal breaker by both my husband and I and I will always respect that, but I am writing this not to only vent but I need to know what to do to help my marriage.  I don't ever want to get divorced obviously but I'm also logical - I dont see the point in staying with someone just because you think you "should" or you think its the right thing to do.

H and I have a great sex life, hes a good dad, husband and provider, we have a good life - so what the hell is wrong with me?? Why do I have these thoughts? I know deep down this isn't right but I dont know what to do to help...I know I'm going to get flamed by people saying "If you want to date around why didn't you just stay single?" - and that is fine, I welcome all opinions - but keep in mind I haven't always felt like this. I just want to know what I can do to either stop my wandering thoughts/eyes and/or help things with my marriage so I don't feel this need, it's really wearing on me. Any thoughts?

smileybabyboy

I think it's normal to have crushes and enjoy attention from other men. It's when you act upon them then it becomes dangerous and you should not be married. You could try having more date nights. Get things steamy and use toys and/or role play in the bedroom. You could always talk to a therapist. GL

jnnfrrose6

Having a great sex life doesn't mean you wouldn't be tempted to stray.  You also said he isn't around a ton due to his work hours.  Feeling like you have a partner is important too.  I would try and talk to DH about it, not necessarily that you're mind is wandering, but that you feel you have lost a connection with him.  Sex can be great, but if you've lost an emotional bond you have, then all you really have is great sex, and that won't keep either of you happy in the long run.

pinitbaby

It seems you are feeling good about yourself and just liking the attention. It's new attention from other people and that's always exciting. It doesn't mean you're falling out if love with hubby but you should let him know how much you want and need to feel connected to him again. Men tend to think everything is fine if you don't complain so be gentle with your words or he might be in shock and take it a insult. Stupid, I know, but that's men for ya (for the most part).
I agree with spicing up the bedroom, more nights out together, maybe even a couple of those therapy sessions where it's the two of you and you have to tell each other what you're thankful for..you're not at a loss yet so give it a try girl! Good luck

allardr

It's normal to like the extra attention IMO The dating/everything's new phase is fun...but maybe thinking of the realities of new relationships too will help ground you--not all is great. There are the awkward moments, conversations, etc. Plus come on most of these guys that flirt aren't "relationship" guys more "one-nighters" so focus on the reality and not the dreamy fantasies

I think I'd be more worried if you were becoming emotionally connected to another guy like met someone at work and started meeting for coffee, etc. If you're just fantasizing about random guys (no one you actually know) I take it more as natural. just try to connect with hubby more. 

mrsshawnavanb

I agree with PP's that you need to try to re-connect with your hubby. It sounds like part of the problem is likely that he's not around much. could you maybe cook LO dinner and then later once DH is home, have a romantic dinner together? What about renting a movie and cuddling on the couch? Dates outside of the house are awesome too, just trying to think of some ways to bond at home. Good luck! 

vrj0522

I have two suggestions...

1) Get a babysitter and go on a date with DH every week. It's a amazing what a little bit of time together regularly will do for your relationship. Even if you notice no difference at first, you will suddenly realize that your relationship is improving (given there are no "deeper issues" to work out between the two of you.

2) A quote I heard once and every time I start to question what's going on in my marriage, it reminds me to be accountable for my choices... "Choose your love and love your choice." You chose to marry your H. There were things that made you choose him and now is the time to remember what those things were and learn to love your choice. Not because you have to or because you're supposed to, but because at one point, that choice is what brought most happiness to you and gave you hope for the future.

maybebaby3456

vrj0522 said:

2) A quote I heard once and every time I start to question what's going on in my marriage, it reminds me to be accountable for my choices... "Choose your love and love your choice." You chose to marry your H. There were things that made you choose him and now is the time to remember what those things were and learn to love your choice. Not because you have to or because you're supposed to, but because at one point, that choice is what brought most happiness to you and gave you hope for the future.

Damn girl, preach!  I think this might have been exactly what I needed to hear.

allardr

vrj0522 said:

2) A quote I heard once and every time I start to question what's going on in my marriage, it reminds me to be accountable for my choices... "Choose your love and love your choice." You chose to marry your H. There were things that made you choose him and now is the time to remember what those things were and learn to love your choice. Not because you have to or because you're supposed to, but because at one point, that choice is what brought most happiness to you and gave you hope for the future.

Wow no better way to word it, love that!