Single Parents

Single and pregnant I have failed my baby

My ex and I have had a rocky relationship throughout my pregnancy. It is over for real now (5 weeks before Im due) he doesn't want me to contact him at all even if its to do with the baby. Its really hard because I feel like I have failed as a parent by not being able to give my baby a proper family. I know what its like to have seperated parents and it sucks, dealing with step parents and step children is not fun. I just want the best for my baby, and he won't have that now.

Re: Single and pregnant I have failed my baby

  • You have not failed your baby, your ex sucks and hes the one failing your child.

    You are going to be a single parent which can really really suck at times. But trust me its also the most rewarding job ive ever had.
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    20thirteenacsanchez9609AlandkeriA
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  • Ditto OP. Dust yourself off, have that baby, and focus on being the best mom possible and being happy. You don't need a man in your life to make that child's life a beautiful and happy one.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
    20thirteentig594acsanchez9609
  • VanessaBeeVanessaBee member
    edited November 2013
    You have absolutely NOT failed your baby. :) Remember that (especially in this day and age!) there are a million different combinations of 'proper' families: ones with one parent, ones with two parents of the same sex, ones with more than two parents, ones made up of extended family members or friends, ones with godparents, etc. I venture to guess your sweet LO won't even feel that different, amidst all the types of families that exist. There are tons of good kids books out there about what makes up a family; if you started LO with those or something like that, very early on, it will make it even that much more part of his norm. And you have the added benefit of having had separated parents - you know exactly how it feels and what did work and what didn't. You'll know what you want to do differently from your parents to make it a better experience for your LO. I have so many stepparents I lose track of them (ha!), step siblings, half siblings, you name it!! And they are all such a big and good part of my life. It can work and be good! You're going to be such a good momma!
    20thirteen
  • Trust me, I totally get the single parent guilt and it is very easy to think that way when so many people judge single moms. My parents, relatives, friends, acquaintances are constantly nagging at me with my least favorite phrase..... "When are you going to get married?" It's taken me a while, but I'm finally able to rise above all the comments that people love to throw at single mothers. My son's opinion is the only one I care about, and he can't talk yet, so I'm good for now.

    It really helped me to realize that married couples don't necessarily have it better. There are pros and cons to each different type of family, and parents do the best they can with the situation they were given. When my pregnancy test was positive I thought it was the worst thing ever and was sure this baby was a huge mistake. My BFF came over and sat with me and said something I will never forget...."Mothers are not perfect, but your kid will think you are". All the child knows is if he's loved, fed, dressed, comfortable, and happy. I can not think of any way my son suffered as a direct result of me being single, all of the mistakes I've made so far are because I'm a new, inexperienced mother- not because I'm single.

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    20thirteen
  • I went through the SAME thoughts myself. Believe me, I've been there. And I'm still there sometimes..but you CAN NOT blame yourself. Him not being there is HIS failure, not yours. you and your LO are way too good for such a douchebag anyway. He dosesn't deserve your baby. and please don't blame yourself, because if you do the only thing you'll do is destroy yourself.
    Liliana Seraphina born 9/5/2103


    20thirteen
  • Roxalot said:
    You haven't failed your baby.  Your ex has.  Don't forget that.  Ever.

    Being a single parent isn't easy, but you get to be mom AND dad.  How cool is that?  This kid only needs you, and you are there for him/her.  You will always be, regardless of if/when BD changes his mind. 
    This!  Remember this!
    BFP 9/10/12 m/c 10/26/12 BFP 2/10/13 Blighted Ovum m/c 3/12/13 
    Surprise BFP 4/15/13 Mark Anne Born 12/15/13 

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