Anyone not told their partner?

BrooknCory

I haven't told a soul. Way to nervous. I even embroidered a onesie as a surprise. Geeze I'm such a puss. It is never the right time to break the news. I think he knows something is up. And he will be super excited. But I keep telling myself...I'll tell him next week...next week...next week. Thanksgiving surprise? Ugh. I think I have Waited too long. He'll find out when my water breaks right?

KristaU831

is it the 1800s again? i think women used to wait to tell their husbands they were pregnant then… 

why wouldn't you tell him. even if he won't be excited he kinda needs to know, no?

how can you even keep a secret like this? I'm genuinely curious. do you not live together/see each other often? 

BrooknCory

We are married and have been together for 7 years. I lost one at 9 weeks in August and it deviatated him. 10 weeks now.

Beeank

I yelled from the bathroom before I could even put my pants back on when I saw my bfp. I think it'd drive me crazy keeping that a secret!

Pintobean39

My husband would be pissed if I waited until I was 10 weeks to tell him. Tell him now!!!

ETA: my husband is the type that wants to go to every appt with me. Have you had a dr appt yet?

LindsayDesigner

I told my husband as soon as the test started to process. I understand your apprehension but you should probably tell him.

BruiserB

Pintobean39 said:

My husband would be pissed if I waited until I was 10 weeks to tell him. Tell him now!!!

ETA: my husband is the type that wants to go to every appt with me. Have you had a dr appt yet?

This. You have got to tell him! I don't even understand how to hide something like this for so long...it's going to affect his life significantly.

BrooknCory

No Doc appts yet. Can't decide where to go. With the last one the nurse yelled at me about getting my blood drawn so I don't want to go back. I'm thinking midwife.

CherSomething

I don't want you to feel bad for not telling him yet. He should be the first to know when you do tell someone though. I am sure he will love to be there to support you. I don't want him to be upset with you for protecting his feelings because of your recent loss. I'm sure it's out of your love for him, but tell him now so he can enjoy your pregnancy with you. Good luck.

KristaU831

BrooknCory said:

No Doc appts yet. Can't decide where to go. With the last one the nurse yelled at me about getting my blood drawn so I don't want to go back. I'm thinking midwife.

what does that even mean she yelled at you for what? a midwife is going to draw blood too.

BrooknCory

KristaU831 said:

BrooknCory said:

No Doc appts yet. Can't decide where to go. With the last one the nurse yelled at me about getting my blood drawn so I don't want to go back. I'm thinking midwife.

what does that even mean she yelled at you for what? a midwife is going to draw blood too.

It's a long story and was the same day I officially found out I miscarried.

rmjones15

I wouldn't even think of not telling my husband. He would be devastated if I didn't tell him.

verydisgruntledpelican0091

I didn't want to tell my boyfriend. I waited until I was 5 weeks (and I cannot keep a secret!!) so I don't blame ya

hollyfp

Hm.  I think it's time to tell him and make a Dr's appt tomorrow morning...

AnnaKaie

Beeank said:

I yelled from the bathroom before I could even put my pants back on when I saw my bfp. I think it'd drive me crazy keeping that a secret!

Same here! We had so many false alarms that he didn't take it seriously till I came running out of the bathroom

supgabs

I told my boyfriend within seconds of seeing two lines. I can't imagine keeping something like that from him. I really hope you find the courage to tell him soon.

tbmadeamistake

It sounds like your previous mc had a big effect on you as well.  Tell him, it will be so much easier once you do, and then you can support each other.  He will be just as devastated this time if he feels it was kept from him.  Talk to him.  If you can't bring yourself to say the words, pee on a stick again and leave it where he can see it.  Once he knows, you can talk about how long you've waited and why, but at least he'll know.  GL!

Belinda80

I wanted to do a special announcement but I couldn't !!! I walked out of the bathroom crying of joy just like baby#1

TonyaCody06

My husband is my best friend and I tell him everything! I couldn't imagine withholding the knowledge of his own child from him. I just don't understand this at all.

katekat8721

It's time to tell him hun. Good news or bad, you need to share it with your husband.

I kept the pregnancy a secret from hubby for one whole day to 1) make sure the test darkened the next day and 2) to tell him on his birthday. He was thrilled, but I imagine he would have been a little ticked if I withheld it for ten weeks from him!

flerlgirl

I told DH before the stick was dry. I have never had a m/c and can only imagine the pain and stress it must cause. But right now, you have a healthy baby. And if, heaven forbid, you were to miscarry sometime in the future, wouldn't you want him to know so you could deal with it together? I hate doing anything that makes my DH sad or hurt. But this isn't something you did to him; it's something you should be experiencing together. 

LegalLadyBug

I can't imagine not telling my DH but I suppose every relationship/marriage is different. Even if you lost one and it devastated him, I would imagine he would still want to know about another. Good luck.

MrsAMB07

For better or worse, and all that. I can't imagine keeping news like that from my husband, especially for 10 weeks. You should probably brace yourself for some kind of negative reaction, not about the baby, but about being lied to for so long. This is a huge lie of omission, IMO. Definitely tell him now.

ekcarrington

I'm impressed you've been able to keep it from him for so long!  Even if I wanted to keep it a secret I couldn't since I've felt so sick, missed work, and generally been a bump on a log.  How could I get my husband to do all the house work, go out and buy me meals whenever I asked, and let me watch 7 straight episodes of Undercover Boss without complaining if I didn't tell him!

I totally understand your reservations, but you would want and need his support if anything did go wrong and if everything keeps going well he should be included in the joy! So I think it's time to let him know.

MississippiCatfish

Lilygrace48 said:

It sounds like your previous mc had a big effect on you as well.  Tell him, it will be so much easier once you do, and then you can support each other.  He will be just as devastated this time if he feels it was kept from him.  Talk to him.  If you can't bring yourself to say the words, pee on a stick again and leave it where he can see it.  Once he knows, you can talk about how long you've waited and why, but at least he'll know.  GL!

This is such a great response. I agree, it sounds like you are really thinking about your husband and trying to put his feelings first. That is admirable! But I do think that he has the right to know because he is the baby's parent just as much as you are. I would be really hurt if roles were reversed and that news was kept from me, especially if there was a miscarriage and I wasn't there to support my love. You know him better than we do, of course, but those are my thoughts. Best of luck!

MNOpea

I tested at 3am and struggled to not wake dh up right then to tell him! The hour until he woke up for work was torture! I think your dh deserves to know and I understand your reservations but like others have said he will want to be there for you if something were to happen. As well as wanting to be there for appointments etc.

1982Babies

Hell, you've waited this long.  Why not make it an event.  Dinner date, surprise him with the onesie.  Maybe give him the pee stick?

My DH was basically watching me pee as I waited.  lol.

mrsgyaray

Pintobean39 said:

My husband would be pissed if I waited until I was 10 weeks to tell him. Tell him now!!! ETA: my husband is the type that wants to go to every appt with me. Have you had a dr appt yet?

AllyTales

My H looked at the stick with me.  He's my best friend, I just can't fathom keeping it from him. Mine would be soooo upset and sad. He's enjoying every moment with me (ok, mostly).  Granted, we've never had a loss.  And I'm truly sorry for that.  I know mine wouldn't handle that well either.  But he still deserves to know.  And if anything should ever happen, I would think the support between you BOTH would be a good thing.

WoodsSeltzer09

I couldn't imagine not telling my DH right away. That whole through better or worse thing kinda aplys to babys. We had a lost with pregnancy #2 and he was my greatest support. If heaven forbid i lost this one I'd need him to be there again.

kcartwright12

I waited for two weeks before I told hubby. We m/c at 6.5 weeks and I didn't want him to go through that again if he didn't have too. However, When I did tell him, he was super excited and so supportive. Plus, I knew if something did go wrong I would need his love and support. When I told him, I felt so much better as it have me someone to talk to about everything. So, I understand hey you want to wait but he needs to know. Find a fun way to tell him, the onesies, a card, a pregnancy stick, a photo or just blurt it out. Let him share your joy, anxiety, etc. good luck!

mom2be614

I can understand that you're nervous about sharing with your partner, especially if you're afraid of another m/c causing him pain. That's love, not wanting your partner to hurt. But another aspect of love is intimacy - sharing whatever life throws at you, whether it's joy or heartbreak. As others have said, it may be very hurtful to your partner not to have known about your pregnancy for so long. I hope you'll be able to find a way to tell him soon so that you can start sharing this journey together.

BrooknCory

Thank you all for your support. I found the strength through you and told him tonight with an old fashioned treasure hunt to find the onesie. He is very excited and not mad that I didn't tell him for 10-11 weeks.

For those wondering I have my first appt this Thursday with a hospital midwife. Amazingly enough I called today and they just happened to have an opening.

Thank you all again!

mom2be614

Great! I'm glad it's working out, @BrooknCory!

Pintobean39

That's awesome that you told him. Good luck!