To invite or not to invite?

Amanda88

I need to know if I should extend an invitation to my SIL, and her family, for DS's 2nd birthday party. My H and his sister have not been speaking to each other for a few months now, and with DS's birthday around the corner I'm not sure what I should do. She is pissed that he deleted her and her kids off our Facebook accounts. Her daughter shared one of my photos of SS from DS's party last year with BM and BM's sister. It was then used by BM to blast us on fb. It was BAD. We have BM blocked, so we didn't know until multiple people from town came and asked us about what she was saying. A person even threatened to beat us up. Anyways, it wasn't my SIL's fault her daughter made a bad decision, and I am sad that she is not speaking with us still. However, I don't know if H's niece will come and take pictures then send them to BM/BM's sister. I am also afraid if I don't invite them it will cause even more animosity. So do I invite them, or do I leave them out? I'd like to invite them, but my H isn't sure about it. We really don't want anyone stirring the BM pot.

Lavender P

What was the picture of that people were blasting you for it?

Amanda88

It was just a picture of SS. She was blasting us because she hasn't seen him in over a year and she blames us. It wasn't the content of the photo that we were being blasted over. 

twister22

Lavender P said:

What was the picture of that people were blasting you for it?

Ditto this. What were the pictures that caused so much drama? Why did the niece share them with BM? How old is the niece?

It seems like unfriending SIL was unnecessary. I definitely understand the niece, but not the SIL. It sounds like SIL didn't do anything wrong. I would invite her to the party, but not the niece.

Amanda88

I have no idea why she shared it with BM. The photo is literally of him giving my niece a kiss with big wax lips. Like I said it wasn't the photo we were being bashed over. It was that she used it to say this is the first photo she has received of him in over a year, and that we are keeping him from her. How horrible we are. Then other people joined in saying we were awful and what not. She lies to get people to pity her. 

My niece is 16, and I agree that deleting SIL off of FB was too much. It wasn't my choice. He got on my computer and did it without my knowledge. I tried to add her back because I though H was blowing it out of proportion, but she declined my request.

twister22

Amanda88 said:

I have no idea why she shared it with BM. The photo is literally of him giving my niece a kiss with big wax lips. Like I said it wasn't the photo we were being bashed over. It was that she used it to say this is the first photo she has received of him in over a year, and that we are keeping him from her. How horrible we are. Then other people joined in saying we were awful and what not. She lies to get people to pity her. 

My niece is 16, and I agree that deleting SIL off of FB was too much. It wasn't my choice. He got on my computer and did it without my knowledge. I tried to add her back because I though H was blowing it out of proportion, but she declined my request.

Give your SIL a call. Let her know that you think DH is blowing things out of proportion, but you love and support him as your DH. And that you also understand, that although DH overreacted, that you understand where he is coming from. Explain to SIL that communication about SS to BM needs to be between DH & BM, not extended family members. See how receptive SIL is, and then go from there.

Amanda88

Thank you! That is a wonderful idea. I just couldn't think of the words.  

SueBear

Personally, I would stay out of it. 

I do think it is ok to have a policy that you will not FB friend anyone who is friends with BM, since you do not want her to have access to your lives. 

Did Niece send the photo to BM, or just post it on her FB page, where BM got ahold of it?  If it is the latter, your H is blowing things way out of proportion.  It's ok to ask niece / SIL / family not to post photos of SS, but for him to GO INTO your FB account and delete people is not cool.  He should have acted like an adult and had the difficult conversation with them.

If someone is not speaking to you, I would not invite them to your family party.  It is just too awkward, and the first meeting should not be at a big group event.

dannie2011

I agree stay out of it. If your husband wants her there then he can call.