Dear Abby

allardr

Kimbus22 said:

MiracleBByE said:

While I agree mom needs to heal, I tend to feel bad for the MIL. 3wks after birth? I have 2 kids, and while my exMIL was a total psycho bitch I did allow her to be "waiting room" present, and after birth was very clear she couldnt stay with us but could call during the day before she stopped by to make sure I wasnt sleeping or feeling terrible.

I can totally see her point, this is her son, why wouldnt she want to share the joy, you cant tell me they wont be having friends over or even her family in those 3wks before they are allowing MIL to visit. Put yourselves in her shoes when your kids get older, how would you feel waiting around for the phone call that you're a grandma but BTW you cant see the baby for atleast 3wks. I dont think she sounds entitled I think she sounds heartbroken.

IDK maybe Im more layed back when it comes to this stuff. My MIL (remarried) can be overbearing and a boundary stepper but I will allow her to be there for our last baby if she asks.

No, no, no, no, no. My best friend coming over for half an hour with a pizza and holding the baby for ten minutes so I can eat is NOT the same thing as my MIL (or my Mom) inviting themselves to move in to my house for weeks at a a time. I'm sure these people would be happy to have her over sooner if she lived half an hour away and was gonna hang out for 2 hours and then leave.  But this woman is LIVING with them for a long visit.

This! I'm totally for pop-overs but with family so far, even if they are helpful it's still a week of them in my house. I want to be able to pop a boob out and nurse without leaving the room, hang in my pjs, and I want to be able to just hold my kid and not share. 

allardr

lizardknitter said:

Late to this convo. But I thought it was funny how many assumed that every grandparent was going to be helpful. My MIL did wait, her choice, to come visit when DD was 3 weeks old. They also live 1000 miles away. They stayed at a hotel, again their choice. Even then, it turned into me having to play hostess. I lost so much blood after delivery that even 3 weeks PP, I tired easily and couldn't walk for long distances. IL's solution? Meet us out and we can "shop for baby and eat." That lasted just a few days of their week-long visit, as I began to pass out during marathon shopping. When they started coming to our house, the "help" was to offer to hold baby so I could cook, clean, & do laundry. She called last week to announce they would be coming down when this baby is due. I will be making every attempt to convince her to wait for a while longer.

Haha before we even got pregnant (family knew we were trying) I said but don't plan to come out right away. I want time for just us as a family. I put expectation flat out and early...there was no "trying to convince".