Inlaw story/vent

littlestjerry

I've mentioned before how my BIL and SIL and my MIL/FIL are basically always together. It really is starting to feel like we're just distant relatives and they are the "real" family. Anyway, the other day DH was talking to MIL about how much more easily DS goes to bed for her or a babysitter than for us. So, she's like "yeah, well, kids always go to bed worse for their parents because they're around them all the time and care about them more and don't want to be away from them. So, DS will fight bedtime with you guys. Ya know, like how [niece] won't got to bed for SIL, BIL, or me."

How freaking bizarre that she basically admitted she's a third parent to my niece. Right?? 

ReeseFox

No, not really getting a "bizarre" vibe from it.

ETA: I'm sorry that she made you feel bad, though.

LaurelBee

I'm sorry she made you feel unwanted. But silver lining- would you actually want to spend that much time with them?? Especially to where Mil feels like a Co parent to your LO?? Nope, no thanks.

littlestjerry

I know, @LaurelBee, this is what DH always says. I wish I could just let it go, but it's so hard to feel so left out. And my other SIL and niece live with my inlaws, so they're always together too by necessity. And they all live in the same neighborhood, but we moved "far away." It's like 12 minutes away, but they act like we're in the sticks.

littlemermaid

Sometimes parents tend to spend more time with their children that are more "needy' or have issues.  It makes them feel useful and at the same time they are enabling them too.  Your husband doesn't sound like that(which is a good thing).   I personally would not want to spend every waking moment with my family or my inlaws.   If you truly want to be included then make a point of saying, "hey next time you guys go to XYZ make sure you include us."

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nixieknox3

my husband's family is like that too.  his brother and sister have yet to cut the cord, and are with MIL and FIL constantly.  our kids definitely have a different relationship with my in-laws than my nieces and nephews do.  i see it as a positive, my kids get to have a grandparent/grandchild relationship, where my nieces and nephews basically have a second set of parents.  IL's have no problems with disciplining nieces and nephews, but would never imagine disciplining my kids.

NotSharknado

ReeseFox said:

No, not really getting a "bizarre" vibe from it.

ETA: I'm sorry that she made you feel bad, though.

Same.

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littlestjerry

I really do need to try to see the positive side of this the way DH does. There are other dynamics at play, like BIL being the clear favorite their entire life, but DH seems to not care about that stuff. I do feel the need to say that I don't think asking for help is bad. I just think it's weird for a grandma to admit she's basically a parent to her grandkid in front of her son, who also has a kid, barring other circumstances. Like, my other SIL is a single mom who barely makes minimum wage, and I don't begrudge the help they give her at all because she doesn't have a source of support beyond all of us. Ironically, BIL/SIL bitch constantly to us about how much MIL is with my other niece...