Maternity Leave: Thoughts and Advice

CageyMack

Hi Team!

So KH826 asked about this and it got me thinking.  I thought it might be interesting to compile a little bit of data on maternity leave.  Could be technical pieces (FMLA, work benefits, etc.), length of leave, alternative options (part time, etc.) as well as things that surprised you about leave or that you totally nailed.  

Share your thoughts?

CageyMack

My stats: I worked a full-time job when I was pg., and DW did, too.  Her job is much more demanding weekly (50-70) hours a week, but has more flexibility day-to-day and is more relaxed about leave.  I was eligible for 15 days of Vacation leave and negotiated 8 weeks total time out of the office.  I ended up taking another week or so because nothing was happening at work.

After I went in, DW stayed home for about 3 weeks.  Then her mom was her for about 4 weeks.

My thoughts on my mat. leave: 

1. It was long enough to recover from my pretty easy birth.
   
2. I wish that I had had a more comfortable house in the heat (we have no AC).  I would put that in for the next one.  It's just too hard to be at home in the hot weather.
3. It was great for DW to have some one on one time with the baby after I went back to work.
4. I needed more "at home" clothes.
5. It helped to "get out" at the end of the day, once DW came home.  A walk, a drive to the grocery store, you name it, I had cabin fever.  It was too hot to take the baby for a stroller after about 8:30 am, so it kept us kind of stuck.
6. I did not lose any weight.  
7. I could easily be a stay-at-home mom.
8. Plan for LWOP issues.  My work cancelled my insurance with very little notification, due to no pay in my paycheck to cover my premium.  It was hard to stay on top of that stuff when I was all wonked out with a new baby.  I got it fixed, but it was really surprising.  
9. It was nice to go back to work.  Of course I missed the baby, but the AC was dreamy.  And it was a break to have real, adult conversation throughout the day.
10. I really did not love our car-seat/stroller option.  It was good for going for drives and short walks, but not for the kind of walking I wanted to do.  If you plan to stay home, get a stroller that allows the infant to sprawl out, or be swaddled.  We had to buckle the baby in, and it was all awful to have to take him in and out at home, especially if he was sleeping.
11. I very much liked our portable bassinet on a rocker.  I drug it all over the house to either be near me or be in the cool part of the house.  He was little and I could rock it with my toe.

KH826

Hi - thanks @cageymack for starting this thread! I look forward to seeing what all of the pros and other pregnant folks have done or have planned!

So, my employer gives 2 weeks at full pay for a natural/planned birth (they throw in an extra week at full pay if you have to have an emergency c-section, so then it would be 3 weeks), and then after that you have to use your vacation and sick time. I will have 1 week of sick time and 4 weeks of vacation that I can use next year, so the 2+1+4 = 7 weeks total at full pay. I will save my 3 personal days and 2 floating holidays so that I still have those to use for the rest of the year should I need time off. I would rather go back from leave a week early and still have 5 days to play with since there will still be 5 months of the year left to get through. Beyond that, if I wanted to take additional time, I could take up to 6 months of FMLA, but that would be at only 60% of my pay. We can't really afford for me to do that since I will be the sole bread winner once baby comes, so it looks like 7 weeks is what I will get, unless I am unlucky enough to have an emergency c-section then it will be 8 weeks (to be clear, I am NOT hoping for that option!).

Some people say - "Oh yea, 7 weeks that's about right... the average leave is 6-8 weeks. That should be enough"

I have heard other people say - "Oh dear, anything less than 12 weeks is totally insane, and you are going to have such a hard time!"

Every co-worker I have who has taken a maternity leave here has taken 12 weeks (I have asked!), but I guess they were able to afford to take FMLA... for the record, they are all straight ladies who's husbands are the primary income earner, and their income is secondary. I am the breadwinner in our house, and my wife plans to be a SAHM when the baby is born, so it is a different situation for me...

I am also stressed about the distribution of my work / coverage of my work while I am out on leave. I am an Assistant Director at my company (we are a small company of about 100 people and everyone wears many hats), and I have become kind of a jack of all trades here. I don't think there is a temp in the world that could take on even 50% of my job -- one because of the sheer amount of work and two because of the wide variety of different things that I do. I have several direct reports who I will be able to transition some work to temporarily, and then my boss (who is a VP) will have to begrudgingly take on some work), but I fear there will be gaps and that overall it will be crazy and stressful for all involved. My wife tells me it isn't my problem, and I am entitled to my time, but that is not quite how I feel. I worry a lot about how it is going to shake out, and I have fears of taking a conference call from the hospital and muting when a contraction comes (ok - slight dramatization, perhaps!)...

Alright, so those are my thoughts/fears/plans, etc. regarding maternity leave. Someone make me feel better, please! HAHA

newmompeanut

@KH826, I think I can make you feel better!

Here's my stats:
-worked full time (up until the night I went into labor)
-my work allows you to take 6 weeks for a vaginal birth and 8 weeks for a c-section from your Extended Disability Bank.  Anytime after that is PTO.
-I ended up taking 10 weeks.
-I had an unplanned c-section.
-N was born in the middle of February and I live in Wisconsin.

Last winter in Wisconsin it was terribly cold.  I ended up going back to work right around the first week of May and I was still wearing a winter coat.  It even ended up snowing here on like the fifth of May!  So I didn't really take N outside during maternity leave.

When N was born she was 8 lbs, 13oz.  When you have a c-section, you're not supposed to lift over 10 pounds.  At 2 weeks old N plus the car seat was too much for me to carry without being in pain, so I always needed help carrying her to and from the car.  The c-section pain when lifting heavy things didn't go away until about 8 weeks.

The fact that I was in pain for most of my maternity leave when lifting or moving too much, the cold weather, and a heavier baby lead me to being EXTREMELY bored on my maternity leave.  I really appreciate that I got a longer maternity leave so I could heal and rest up, but I went completely stir crazy.  I'm very much a person who needs to be busy and my maternity leave didn't allow me to be.  I really hated it and it wasn't very good for B either.  Everyday when B got home from work I would basically smother her just so I could do something or to talk to someone. 

For me, 8 weeks would have been perfect to take off with having a c-section.  6-7 would have been enough with a vaginal birth. 

ATXmommas

I plan on taking 12 weeks with full pay. I'm a state employee in TX and do not receive any paid maternity leave; however, we never lose any leave. I have about 16 weeks of leave right now, so I'll still have a good cushion when I return and I think I will be able to save enough time to take a full 12 weeks for baby #2 in the future.

I'm a little worried about getting stir crazy, but I also want as much time off with my little man as possible (and want to delay putting him in day care as long as possible too).

Z hasn't been with her company for a year yet, so she's not eligible for maternity leave yet. Once she hits a year and/or the adoption is consummated, we'll reevaluate if she can take more time off.

I'm not worried about work. Not that I don't feel a sense of responsibility or that I'm valuable, I just have a very good sense of balance that is supported by a family friendly workplace - I work for a division of the Dept of Family and Protective Services. We have a plan in place for when I'm gone. I'm sure certain things will slow down, but we have measures in place to make sure the have-to's get accomplished.

Since I'll be having a winter baby in Texas, I don't have weather concerns. Winter is very mild compared to what some of you are used to. I imagine lots of walks with little one and Bama!

It is interesting to read others' take on this. Good thread!

songbird31

I'll weigh in here since I'm wrapping mine up.

My company does offer 2 weeks baby bonding and 2 weeks recovery for mothers. However I was not eligible bc you must be there a year. They do not offer short term disability so I asked for two weeks vacation and 4 weeks of unpaid leave. Bc it was basically considered a sabbatical I did not have to pay full insurance premiums. I will just have double deductions when I return.

I had a vaginal birth with a 2nd degree tear. Physically I was at 80-90% at around 1.5-2 weeks. In fact within a week I was up and baking all day as a thank you to our nurses at the hospital and we were getting out for a couple of hours each day for sanity. It's true about lifting. You do need assistance if the baby is in the carrier. I still have some residual discomfort in my groin muscles and my torn area, but overall feel good.

I lost about 18-20 of the 26 pounds I gained. However watch the carbs people bring you after the baby comes! Lol! I gained a couple back after that.

As I mentioned in the ttt, despite an amazing baby and an incredibly supportive partner, I am battling a bit with ppd. I first set 2 weeks as the marker, but now at 6 I know I'm not myself and after a conversation with S I think I'm going to go on meds temporarily. I just have completely unrealistic expectations and its not helping anything. Just don't judge yourself and get rid of those high standards. I.e. meal planning and execution, perfect clean baby, pre pregnancy clothes/weight, perfect sleep schedule, cleaning closets, etc within two weeks. I think not producing enough milk was a huge blow that I did not expect. All this to say, just like your birth plan, don't get too upset when your plans don't go as you thought.

The swing is a life saver and although I don't have a rock n play I will certainly consider it for number 2. Getting out is a must and I love our car seat canopy. It keeps baby warm and keeps people out and not breathing on her.

The only thing I have thought about work is that it's a shame I have to go back so soon. I don't know that I have the discipline it requires to be a SAHM, but I certainly would love to be one one day. We have hired someone to come to the house every day for child care and we feel good about that choice for now.

Most of all hug on your sweet baby as much as possible while you're at home!

Greysmom13

I am a county employee in Texas and have no paid maternity leave. That being said, I can take up to 12 weeks FMLA using my saved time of which I have over 12 weeks. I am planning on working right up until little man gets here and am going to take every minute I can to be with him.

ATXmommas

songbird31 said:

I just have completely unrealistic expectations and its not helping anything. Just don't judge yourself and get rid of those high standards. I.e. meal planning and execution, perfect clean baby, pre pregnancy clothes/weight, perfect sleep schedule, cleaning closets, etc within two weeks. I think not producing enough milk was a huge blow that I did not expect. All this to say, just like your birth plan, don't get too upset when your plans don't go as you thought. 

I needed to hear this.  I'm sorry you are dealing with some ppd.  I have been taking anti-anxiety meds for years and continued throughout pregnancy at the recommendation and support of both my OB and RE.  I would have seriously considered placental encapsulation if I were not already taking medication as it apparently has positive impact on staving off ppd.  As it is, Texas requires a court order to remove a placenta from a hospital (and I think a birthing center too), so it would have been a lot of hoops to jump through that I didn't feel like dealing with.

Anyhow, I'm thankful for this thread because I actually hadn't thought much about the postpartum period when I'll be home alone for weeks on end with a needy infant.  Historically, women haven't raised infants in such isolation. Lots of food for thought.  I think i need to find a new mothers group ASAP!

newmompeanut

@ATXmommas, I think a new mothers group is a great idea!  Don't get me wrong, I loved N and hanging out with her, but it's nice when you have someone who talks back to you. 

Karlamo

I'll chime in too. My wife is due in Feb and her work has no paid maternity leave but can take the 12 weeks of FMLA. So our plan is for her to work until the baby's born then she has about 4 weeks of paid vacay and we also took out Aflec when we were TTC and that will give us about 4 weeks of pay and then we have been saving like crazy to pay for the rest of her leave.
I'm planning on taking 4 weeks off to be with the baby after the birth and then I'll go back to work full time till her 12weeks are up then cut my hours to part time to be at home with our LO.

trisholio

ATXmommas said:

songbird31 said:

I just have completely unrealistic expectations and its not helping anything. Just don't judge yourself and get rid of those high standards. I.e. meal planning and execution, perfect clean baby, pre pregnancy clothes/weight, perfect sleep schedule, cleaning closets, etc within two weeks. I think not producing enough milk was a huge blow that I did not expect. All this to say, just like your birth plan, don't get too upset when your plans don't go as you thought. 

I needed to hear this.  I'm sorry you are dealing with some ppd.  I have been taking anti-anxiety meds for years and continued throughout pregnancy at the recommendation and support of both my OB and RE.  I would have seriously considered placental encapsulation if I were not already taking medication as it apparently has positive impact on staving off ppd.  As it is, Texas requires a court order to remove a placenta from a hospital (and I think a birthing center too), so it would have been a lot of hoops to jump through that I didn't feel like dealing with.

Anyhow, I'm thankful for this thread because I actually hadn't thought much about the postpartum period when I'll be home alone for weeks on end with a needy infant.  Historically, women haven't raised infants in such isolation. Lots of food for thought.  I think i need to find a new mothers group ASAP!

songbird31 I am sorry you are going thru this.  It is a fear of mine to have ppd.  I am currently on medication for mild depression and anxiety.  They are cleared by my RE and OB, I did stop taking sleeping medication when we started TTC because it was iffy on whether it effected the baby when I get pregnant.  I wanted to get used to not taking it before getting pregnant and then being hormonal and not sleeping all at the same time.  That would make me a crazy person and my wife might have wanted to strangle me (not really, but I am super crabby with NO sleep and then add hormones on top of that)  I am not glad that others go thru this, but it is nice to know that I am not alone.

As far as maternity leave I have none because I do in home child care.  I will probably take two weeks off and it will be unpaid.  My wife's work offers paternity leave, I believe its two weeks.  But if she is proved to be the main provider then she can be approved for 12 weeks of paid leave.  So if I have complications or c-section then she can be approved for more time off paid.

We will most likely have foster children at the time of me having a bio child, so they will go into respite care for a few days while I give birth and then come home.  

CageyMack I cannot imagine having no a/c!  I would die!  We went two weeks with no a/c in our last apartment and it was miserable!  I remember being happy to go to work during those two weeks because there was a/c at work.