Rough Weekend

AJCagle82

So I went to my friend's wedding this past weekend. I saw a lot of close friends I hadn't seen since we lost Parker. I don't know if it was all the emotion of not seeing them in a while or the margarita, but, at one point, I just lost it. I have been doing well for the past few weeks. Maybe a little breakdown here and there, but nothing major. This was a much bigger one. It still catches me off guard. I have a false sense of "I'm doing OK." I will do well for a period of time and then it will hit me out of nowhere. I can't see it coming, and when it hits, I feel like I'm going crazy. The weekend ended up being good overall and the wedding was beautiful, but I definitely spent one night going crazy. Thank God for good friends who take you at your best and your worst. I miss my little girl so much. I guess I have to get used to it coming out whenever it feels like it.

kz's_girlygirl

We went out with some friends from our hometown over the weekend as well. It was the first time seeing anyone besides my parents and DH in about a month.  It was really rough at first, and I definitely started crying on the way to the bar.  It's nearly impossible to know when that grief will take over.  I was feeling just fine as well, looking forward to a night out and some drinks.  But I think the idea that I was doing 'normal' things, and definitely not pregnant or holding my baby made me just hate my life for a little bit. 

I'm glad you got to enjoy yourself a bit though.  There's no way to know when things will hit you, and when it will be harder to cope.  We just have to try and take things as they come for now I think, as difficult as it can sometimes be. 

Lots of love and peace to you!!

diamante1181

There is something alarming and at the same time liberating of having no control of when your grief manifests. I think we all grapple with the same things, and battle yet another thing we can not possibly control. I am so sorry, if only there were words to heal an open wound, I would totally utter them. I know nothing I say will cure what ails the afflicted heart, only because nothing is curing my broken heart. But knowing that people care and sympathize, does help a little bit sometimes. Big hugs to you, dear.

CRUN2012

I'm sorry you had a tough time. I think it will always be this way when we will have to endure large waves of emotion and sadness at random times; but it sounds like you have been doing very well and I hope that it encourages you to continue!

mingaling2

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.  I know for myself that the longer I keep it in, the more of an emotional waterfall it becomes. I am glad your friends are with you and you're surrounded with love. 

stefuge

***LO ticker*** I'm sorry you had a rough weekend. I know for me, it felt like around 6 weeks was when the numbness and shock wore off and the reality and longevity of our loss really started to sink in. What a blessing supportive and understanding friends are!