Another WWYD...

Throw3ks

During our NICU stay I became "friends" with another mother whose DD was born 2 weeks after my DD at 31w. The mother is 19 (I am not discriminating againist her age-just saying) and I am quite a bit older then her so I sort of took her under my wing. Explained some medical talk to her, helped her in baby daddy situation and gave her some baby items I knew she couldn't afford. In any case, we were discharged and this babies mom and I remain friendly, mostly talking via FB. Her DD and mine had the same course of treatment, it was weird. Both needed no breathing assistance, no issues except growers/feeders. We are VERY lucky and so is she. No to my WWYD: on FB she puts how she is bringing her LO here and there. I'm talking mall, grocery store, friends house and so on. Her DD is now GA 39 weeks but still very small. Under 6lbs. I have been biting my tongue to not say anything but now I am worried, she put how DD is "congested" and she "hopes she isn't sick". I really want to just say something nicely along the lines of keeping her DD home and such. Am I out of line? I am sincerely worried about her. I think the mom is young and so excited to show off her DD.
My H says to mind my own buisness. I say I need to just remind her of what the NICU docs have said.

Missa_g

Personally I would probably stay out of it. Some preemie moms do lockdown some don't. She is aware of her doctors advice so there is no need to repeat it IMO.

Throw3ks

@missa_g you are totally right. Just because I am one way and she isn't doesn't mean I have to impose. I just hope she truly listened to the docs.

LaciJaxx

I have a friend who delivered preemie twins a month after my LO was born and she does the same thing. She's all the time posting pics of them out and about and I really have to bite my tongue. Then one time they had to rake one to the ER because he was wheezing. I just about lost it. Anyway, I just keep my mouth shut and hope for the best. I think its better that way.

brachysira

In general, I am of the opinion that you should stay out of things--especially if you just see them on facebook.  But in this case, I think you could lightly intervene.  For one thing, if this person writes you off, who cares--it's not like you're super good friends.  For another, she has gotten advice from you before so you may sort of be someone she would look to for that.  You could just say, "sorry to hear about the sniffles, but since it's RSV season and your LO is so small still, perhaps you should take him in to the doctor.  We're still on lockdown at our house because so many colds are going around--I hope you're able to keep him away from the sick masses too--I know it's tough...I hope he feels better soon," or something.  I had a hs acquaintance who was a facebook friend and she was a grandma to her high school age daughter's baby, and was always posting pictures.  This baby was pretty low birth weight and within the first week, they had her at the public pool, asleep with her mother in a pile of blankets on the couch...and later posted her front facing in the car seat...and I wondered...should I advise?  Then I heard that the baby had died.  I don't know of what.  Probably completely unrelated to anything her mother did, but perhaps that young mother did need more guidance and whatever happened maybe could have been prevented.  So I think if you can help this person and are in a position where it can be received well, try to.

Kelly_12

My advice is torn.. I say same thing as first reply, some people aren't hardcore about lockdown and that's their right. For us for example, we aren't on lockdown as our ped said it wasn't necessary, just to be diligent in other ways. So to say something may not be your place.
However, I also agree with PP. You don't know this girl that well, you're not in jeopardy of losing a close friend by butting in.. And it's possible this young girl does not have enough supports to help her and remind her of her baby's special circumstances.
I say do what your gut tells you to do... Just try and not be too judgey if you do day something as she may take the advice/help better if it seems less judgemental.

KTZ17

I agree with @brachysira - since she isn't a close friend, you're not risking much by gently saying something, and it'll make you feel better. You could say something like "I noticed you mentioned your DD is not feeling well. Have you taken her to the pedi about it? Our pediatrician recommended keeping DD mostly at home during RSV season and to avoid xyz." You wouldn't be saying don't do this, just mentioning you and your pedi's stance on it. And a private message on Facebook wouldn't make her feel bad.

Throw3ks

Thanks all.
I decided to leave it alone. I thought about it and I am sure she doesn't want a "mother hen" like me prying in her buisness. She really is a good mom, just a little nieve I think. Sounds like her baby is feeling better too. So that made me relax.

DrRx

I know that you already made your decision, but what about sending her a message with what some of the other PP have said? That way, it isn't on there for everyone to see/she won't see it as you attacking her in front of others, yet get the info to her? Maybe try this if she does something like that again?