Hello - I'm new to this group

kiki4 · November 2013

Hello...I've been on TB since before getting PG with DS. I was active on the tri boards when I was pregnant, and most recently on TTCAL. A little background on us: my DS just turned 4. We have had a couple of speech assessments on DS, which led us to an evaluation by our school district. In late April/early May we developed an IEP for a language delay, and he started preschool within our school district in August. Over the last couple of months, we've met with his teachers regarding some concerns regarding behavior. As a result, we took him to a behavioral pediatrician earlier this week for an evaluation. He has been diagnosed with mild autism. Needless to say, I'm reeling over the official diagnosis. It's something I suspected, but was terrified of, and now that it is official, I'm not sure how to feel. Add to that the fact that I am suddenly "relieved" we had a loss in February of last year, because I am honestly not sure how adding a new baby would have affected things. And relieved probably isn't the right word - I just don't know how to phrase it, other than to say I can see now, that even though I really wanted a sibling for DS, that old saying that everything happens for a reason suddenly has meaning for me. Thanks for listening to me...I try to be on the boards, to lurk if nothing else, and I hope I can be a contributing member of your group.

K

light52 · November 2013

I understand the mixed emotions. DS1 was diagnosed with autism a few weeks ago, he is 7. We've suspected it for years but his previous eval said it was just severe ADHD. Now that the ADHD is more controlled it is much more obvious that what we were seeing really is mild autism. FWIW, we have two other younger children. It is stressful keeping up with them but we wouldn't trade our other kids for anything. We didn't know that DS1 was special needs when DS2 came along (suspected but no one would listen to us). We were in the thick of therapy, IEP's, etc when DS3 came along.

In my opinion, you are in the hardest years right now because sometimes it is hard to tell what is special needs and what is being a 4 year old. Hang in there, as they get older it gets a bit more manageable. Maturity (even though it won't be the same level of maturity as their peers) and learning how best to help your child make a huge difference.

annibes · November 2013

Welcome! I also have a 4-year-old DS with autism. It's a tough experience, for sure. As for more children, DH and I have been trying for a few years for more (secondary infertility). We have taken a similar stance: we have what we can handle. We are still trying, but have turned down reproductive assistance (drugs, IUI, etc) because of our chances of having another child on spectrum.

I think this is a tough age for many reasons, but with them starting school we get a healthy dose of how different they are because they're now out and about without us. We get reports from people who do not know how to cater to our kids' specific needs (or fully understand their idiosyncrasies) the way we do. I once had to deal with the delicate situation of DS's bus driver hinting that my father was abusing DS, because DS screamed and cried on the days the bus pulled up the street and my dad's truck was in the driveway instead of mine or DH's (Dad watched DS 2 afternoons a week for the 1st year of school). My dad is many things, but abusive is certainly not one of them. I appreciated her concern, and asked her to show a picture of DS and grandpa on the days grandpa would be there. It worked, but it was a tense situation until the bus driver bought the fact that DS was upset because he was surprised and not because he was being beaten.

Best of luck with everything- this really is a wonderfully supportive group and while I wish it didn't have to exist, it has been a source of comfort and info/advice many times!