TTC - Where to start?

wedinpitt

My wife and I are TTC soon and even after all I've read, I'm not entirely certain where to start.  Here's our background:  We've asked a friend to be our donor but he hasn't decided yet.  We'll either use him or a cryobank.  I'm 32 and very healthy, not on any medications, no major medical illnesses, etc. 

• Do I HAVE to get medical testing done on myself?  Should I?  
• If we do at-home inseminations, do I need anything other than a speculum, syringe/catheter, specimen cup, softcups?
• Should I get our directed donor's sperm tested for viability (should he agree to donate)?
• Should I have a OB selected already?
• If I do go to the doctor for screenings, should I have her fill out forms for possible sperm banks we'll use?
• How many inseminations should we do per cycle if money were no object (friend as donor)?  What if money is an object (cryobank)?

What am I not even thinking of?  Help!    THANK YOU!

ball.and.chain

Like PP, I used an RE and donor sperm from a cryobank, but I can answer a couple of questions:

• Do I HAVE to get medical testing done on myself?  Should I?  
• Should I get our directed donor's sperm tested for viability (should he agree to donate)?

To me, these are kind of similar questions: should you make sure everything (within reason) is fine before you start, even if you have no reason to suspect anything is wrong?  In my opinion, the answer is yes, you should (if you are TTC at home, you don't HAVE to.  Some doctors may require you to).  You have no idea how long it will take to conceive.  I was 33 and healthy when I started, but here I am 2.5 years and 2 miscarriages later, hoping this 3rd pregnancy sticks.  If you spent a year or two of TTC and then got yourself tested or your donor tested and found out something WAS wrong, would you wish you had done it earlier?  Probably.  Even if you are able to use a known donor and won't have to spend money on sperm, there can still be a lot of stress and anxiety and heartbreak involved, and you will pay for thinks like OPKs and HPTs.  And I haven't used a known donor, but my understanding is that coordinating his schedule with your ovulation schedule can get complicated, so that's an additional source of stress.  Of course if sperm is free and it will cost you a lot of money to get yourself tested, it might make sense to try for a little while first.  If you end up using a cryobank and paying for sperm, I would definitely get tested first.

• Should I have a OB selected already?
  

Not necessary.  They typically don't see you until 8-10w, and you aren't going to know you're pregnant until 3.5w-4w, so that still gives you a couple of weeks to do the research.  If you want to do it now, it can't hurt.

• How many inseminations should we do per cycle if money were no object (friend as donor)?  What if money is an object (cryobank)?

I think that if money is no object and you aren't paying for sperm, it really comes down to how available your donor is.  I think that a lot of doctors recommend sex every other day during your fertile window when straight couples are trying to conceive.  If you are paying for sperm, my personal opinion is to stick with one.  I started out with a midwife practice, and they told me that doing two IUIs per cycle doesn't raise your chances of conceiving that much...but you will pay twice as much for sperm.  But some people/doctors do believe 2 is better.

StacyLH24

Welcome!  I would echo everything that @ball.and.chain has said. 

My wife and I (I will carry) are using a cryobank and see a reproductive endocrinologist.  I am 29 and in good health.  I wanted to try natural cycles first, meaning no fertility meds.  As a result of my initial blood work, my RE said that if we had tried that, it would have been a giant waste of money.  I need the fertility meds.  I wouldn't have known that without testing.  I would also agree with testing of your known donor if you use one.  You have every right to876 know what you're getting.  What if he is considered clinically infertile but doesn't know it?  You would be spending all of this time ttc, potentially (probably) getting frustrated and could avoid that to begin with. 

Before you decide on a known/unknown donor, check out your state laws for using a known donor.  Using a known donor usually comes with legal issues of severing his parental rights and you or your partner having to complete a second parent adoption.  This can get pricey. 

If you have health insurance, check and see what it covers.  This might help you in deciding how you want to move forward.  There is a lot to consider overall.  Have lots of conversations with your wife about what you both want.  As you talk about all of the options, you will narrow down what you truly want. 

kristynlee710

My wife and I are 34 weeks 3 days (I'm the bio mom). We used an anonymous donor from Fairfax Cryobank and a RE. To echo what @StacyLH24 said about knowing the state laws for known donors I cannot stress the importance of this! We are going through the legal stuff now (wills, POA, medical directives, guardianship/custody) based on the laws of our state and you definitely want to consider any legal ramifications of a known donor regardless of how close of a friend they are so that your family will be protected. Best of luck!

ATXmommas

Ditto. Ditto. Ditto.

I would also recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and charting for a few months before trying.

ball.and.chain

ATXmommas said:

Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. I would also recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and charting for a few months before trying.

Yes!  I second both of these ideas.

wedinpitt

Here's some more info that I didn't think to provide until I saw your (amazing) posts!  I have been charting for 3.5 months now.  I have OPTs in wait to start using this month.  We just got married (not legally) in October and had our POAs and wills completed before our wedding.  Unfortunately, second parent adoption isn't a legal possibility in Nebraska, where we live, just yet.  We got a bill sponsored though and I hope it will pass next summer! (Sign the petition here: https://petitions.moveon.org/sign/pass-sara-howards-adoption)  

LolaBelle515

We used a known donor, so I can't answer the cryobank questions, but for the other questions:

Absolutely get testing on yourself.  You absolutely do not want to waste your known donor's time. It is an incredible gift and you want to make yourself as ready as possible and help conception happen as quickly as is possible.

It is best to have his sperm tested (again, so that his time isn't wasted).  It isn't expensive if he has any kind of insurance at all.

I third reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility."  You need to know your body, when you typically ovulate, how to check for cervical mucus and chart your temperature, and which ovulation tests work best for your body.  You can start all of that now...but it was helpful for us to have 3 full cycles of charting/watching/temping/testing to get a sense of how my wife's body works.  It's no guarantee it will work like that every month, but the more tools you have, the better, I think! 

Best of luck!!