Venting - Mother in Law

saphires

My mother in law talks to my 3 month old son like he understands. I always hear her saying things like to him like "When you come to my house I'm going to feed you candy, mountain dew and we're not going to tell your mom." Would this piss anyone else off? Even though she may be joking  I still find it to be extremely inappropriate to already be talking about hiding things from his mom. I feel like she is just saying it to try to get a rise out of me... Opinions please? Does anyone else have a MIL like this?

BunnyGirl68

Once she says it, say that's why you'll always go to Nana's (your moms) !

rt93

My MIL is like this. I found that if you just politely let her know it bothers you you'll feel at least a little better getting it out there. She might not care or change or she will respect it depending on her personallitly . Mine did luckily. Either way though making a huge situation out of it will only work against you.

ASmallWonder

BunnyGirl68 said:

Once she says it, say that's why you'll always go to Nana's (your moms) !

Oh this is suuuure to help (intense sarcasm font)

trudibell

When my mother in law first visited us in the hospital she entered the recovery room and said "where's my baby?"  And she often communicates messages to me via talking to my four month old and yes it pisses me off, BUT all of that is overshadowed by the fact that she is really amazing with LO and he totally adores her.  So it's something I grin and bear, something we all have to do to some extent with in laws.

steelerbaby29

If she continues to say things like that and you think she is being serious then you should express to her that it bothers you. My parents say things sometimes that I know they are joking about but they just like teasing me. She's probably just saying it knowing you are listening. Maybe you could just say something like "Well when grandma gives you candy and soda your staying the night at her house so she can deal with the sugar rush."

pinottoparenthood

If you think she's just joking around, let it go. If you think she is seriously going to go behind your back and give your baby things that you don't approve of, that's something that you and your husband need to talk about and discuss with her. I think that all grandparents on both sides should respect your rules for your child, or else the child doesn't need to stay with them. You're the parent. If someone gave my son soda against my wishes, I'd be REALLY pissed. and I don't care if people think I'm overreacting. Only you know your MIL well enough to know if she's totally joking or not.

Lolalipsy

I think if it were your own mum it wouldn't bother you. My mum says it all the time and I don't bat an eyelid but if MH's family said it it would irritate me and I would worry whether they would do it or not.

Edit. Extra word

Lolalipsy

MrsMuq said:

OP, you're overreacting. Grandparents are for spoiling your child. Now, they shouldn't go against legitimate parenting wishes - food, bedtimes, and especially discipline, but your LO having a glass of pop or a cupcake (once he's old enough) while visiting his grandma isn't going to hurt him.

I completely agree with this.

pinottoparenthood

Lolalipsy said:

OP, you're overreacting. Grandparents are for spoiling your child. Now, they shouldn't go against legitimate parenting wishes - food, bedtimes, and especially discipline, but your LO having a glass of pop or a cupcake (once he's old enough) while visiting his grandma isn't going to hurt him.

I completely agree with this.

I have worked my ass off to EBF for 6+ months (now just breastmilk and solids) because I wanted the very best nutrition for my baby. I pump three times a day at work. I suffer through plugged ducts and blisters. I have to be in charge of feeding him every time. I can't just enjoy a drink without worrying about when I have to feed him or pumping and dumping. So someone giving him junk that I don't want him to have IS a big deal. End of story.

But like I said before, it depends if your MIL will really do it, or if she's just kidding around. I get that grandparents "spoil" kids, but they still need to respect your rules as the parent.

Lolalipsy

pinottoparenthood said:

Lolalipsy said:

MrsMuq said:

OP, you're overreacting. Grandparents are for spoiling your child. Now, they shouldn't go against legitimate parenting wishes - food, bedtimes, and especially discipline, but your LO having a glass of pop or a cupcake (once he's old enough) while visiting his grandma isn't going to hurt him.

I completely agree with this.

I have worked my ass off to EBF for 6+ months (now just breastmilk and solids) because I wanted the very best nutrition for my baby. I pump three times a day at work. I suffer through plugged ducts and blisters. I have to be in charge of feeding him every time. I can't just enjoy a drink without worrying about when I have to feed him or pumping and dumping. So someone giving him junk that I don't want him to have IS a big deal. End of story.

But like I said before, it depends if your MIL will really do it, or if she's just kidding around. I get that grandparents "spoil" kids, but they still need to respect your rules as the parent.

I don't think you read what I was quoting at all.

steelerbaby29

If you ask your family or your in-laws to not give your child certain foods or drinks and they give it to your LO anyway then you have every right to be upset. Everyone knows one soda or some candy isn't going to hurt the LO but it's the fact someone isn't respecting your wishes. MIL, my parents, cousin, aunt, fill in the blank if they gave my son something I didn't want him to have I would be pissed and would definitely express that to the person.

Since it hasn't happened yet don't let it get under your skin too bad. As I said before she is probably just doing it because she knows your listening and wants to get a rise out of you.

cmw327

I think that since your baby is so young and your MIL wouldn't really give your baby mt dew just ignore it.. I'm sure she's just trying to get a reaction out of you..

saphires

Thanks ladies. You're right I'm probably overreacting.

jemasa33

Grandmas think that kind of thing is funny for some reason. She probably will sneak your kids things you don't want when they get a little older.

mrsmichigander

I have watched my MIL try to feed our 4 month old frosting, cake and cookies over the past month on 4 occasions. And when I've repeatedly said nooooo, she now says, "don't tell mom " as she comes at her with a finger covered in frosting.

So my advice is skewed towards a MIL that isn't kidding.

I think they love to spoil them and are then blinded from our requests. Although I fully expect grandmas to give too much sugar and too late a bed time, NOT to an EBF infant.

Because we've asked repeatedly, our new approach (since we don't want her having foods yet) is to watch her like a hawk if there's food out and not let her babysit.

I'd love to drop the sassy line about Nana's (funny), but I avoid conflict. We've repeated our request, it's disrespected,and now we do what we feel is necessary to work around it.

trudibell

mrsmichigander said:

I have watched my MIL try to feed our 4 month old frosting, cake and cookies over the past month on 4 occasions. And when I've repeatedly said nooooo, she now says, "don't tell mom " as she comes at her with a finger covered in frosting. So my advice is skewed towards a MIL that isn't kidding. I think they love to spoil them and are then blinded from our requests. Although I fully expect grandmas to give too much sugar and too late a bed time, NOT to an EBF infant. Because we've asked repeatedly, our new approach (since we don't want her having foods yet) is to watch her like a hawk if there's food out and not let her babysit. I'd love to drop the sassy line about Nana's (funny), but I avoid conflict. We've repeated our request, it's disrespected,and now we do what we feel is necessary to work around it.

I would not leave our LO alone with her because that is really not cool and it's not a question of "this was ok 30 years ago" feeding a 4 month old frosting has never in the history of frosting been ok.  That would make my head explode if my MIL did that to my son.

jlpev

trudibell said:

When my mother in law first visited us in the hospital she entered the recovery room and said "where's my baby?"  And she often communicates messages to me via talking to my four month old and yes it pisses me off, BUT all of that is overshadowed by the fact that she is really amazing with LO and he totally adores her.  So it's something I grin and bear, something we all have to do to some extent with in laws.

OMG that's my Mil! I handle it exactly like you mentioned.

CaliforniaDream87

Really NBD to me. You have to learn to pick your battles.

bettyt2123

Our first night in the hospital my mil had my daughter. My daughter started fussing. My husband's stepdad was in her face taking flash pics. I was a mama bear ready to shred!! Almost every visit my mil says these two things to my now 9 month old..."are you fake crying?", when she fusses or is upset & "you're pathedic", also when she's fussing. Enfuriates me!!! And she wonders why she never babysits.

vintageutopia

My gut instinct tells me that she does it to push your buttons and wouldn't offer such things to a baby. She must find you entertaining on some level or another.

 

Granted, I am coming at this from a 3rd time mom perspective, but I am of the mind that grandma's house is like Vegas. What happens at grandma's house stays at grandma's house. As long as it isn't harmful (because I trust my parents, even though they do things differently), I have accepted the fact that G & G are going to cater to my children's whims and spoil them rotten. My grandparents did it to me and I loved them for it.

jlroman

My mil has talked to me through talking to my baby, too. It is incredibly rude no matter what the content of the message is. I think it's her way of voicing her opinion without having to confront me directly and have an open conversation about things we disagree on. I haven't talked to her about it yet but if it continues I will have to speak up and either ask her to talk to me or keep her backhanded comments to herself. Easier said than done, I know!