(LONG - sorry!) - since Healz intro'd us, now I have lots of questions....

Manada

Okay - I NEVER planned on doing this who shared IVF thing, at least not from the fresh transfer...   It wasn't until a few weeks ago, after the last failed iui cycle that H. brought it up to me as a really awesome way of potentially making our family, and addressing some of the issues/feelings I was having over feeling "left out" of the biological mothering discourse because of my cruddy ovaries.    We had talked about it in a "that would be so romantic - but we'll never afford it!" way, but now that we're doing IVF anyway.....

I still have lots of reservations - mostly around not wanting to "take" H's best chance at pregnancy from her (carrying a baby is something she would ultimately like to do as well), and also around not really believing that things will fall into place around my uterus being okay, and our cycles synching up....  but I'm trying to work through it.   I'm also trying to leave lots of space for H to potentially change her mind and/or express her own sadness/fears if needed.

But... since we're here solidly, I have questions that maybe some of you who have done Donor Egg/Embryo cycles (on either side) can help us with:

1 - We're trying to sort through the research around what helps improve IVF outcomes and are having trouble discerning what might help on either side of the Egg Retrieval and the Embryo Transfer/Implantation.    I THINK so far that focusing on lowering my overall glucose levels is an implantation helper, but we're reading research that increased protein is an egg quality thing.     That's just one example...   We're both taking the PNVs, Iron, Probiotics, B12s.  H is also taking CoQ10 for Egg Quality, and I'm on Metformin to help with my glucose (which isn't diabetic, just sort of high usually).    

1b - On top of the whole nutrition/vitamin thing there is also the question of acupuncture, naturopathy, massage therapy...  who should do or avoid what?  

2 - Apparently the plan is to, once my next period starts (within a few days) - do a hysterosonogram on the next cycle to look at my uterus, potentially do a hysteroscopy right away if it needs any cleaning out (ack!  I REALLY don't want this done... the idea squicks me out huge), and also start me on BCPs to synch my cycle to H's.   I am estimating right now that we are about a week or so off of each others.     Apparently the plan is to synch us via BCPs, a bleed, and then building my lining up via Estrace.   Does that sound about right?  Anything I should be aware of that might go wrong?

* I'm super anxious.   So far I have been controlling my anxiety around IF by learning EVERYTHING I possibly could about the IUI process, the meds I was on, the timing, the biochemical processes, everything.....    I feel like I'm behind the game on this plan, and am not sure I understand how any of it works (even though I've been reading up on the IVF for 6 months now... and probably know quite alot).   But the difference of having two bodies working together to make our babies is making me really look at all the research around what works to support IVF cycles very differently.

Lay it on me!  Words of wisdom for us?  Experience?   Tips?    What was the process like for you as a donor, donor recipient, partner recipient, or gestational carrier?    

Lacyj67

Ok so for your first question...
A lot of the nutrition thing is iffy. Nothing is absolutely proven of what to eat or not to eat but as healthy as possible is good. Vitamins and such I would really listen to your RE on that because my RE is very specific on what I can and can't take. And it's not much. And as for acupuncture everyone is different. Again it's not a proven helper but if it makes you feel more relaxed go for it but It can really add some money cost to the process.

Ok second question ...I think the hysterscopy is a great idea. I did one over a year ago and they found a pretty large polyp they didn't think was a problem in my ultrasounds and also saw my lining was quite thick so they did a light d&c as well. It was quick, relatively painless and got a day off work to relax! I actually am having another one this coming tue. And as for the meds you will be on for the transfer they are pretty mild. And that will be much easier on your body than the whole IVF cycle meds so that's a bonus. Beware that sometimes the lining does not build as we would like it and sometimes it does get cancelled due to poor building of the lining but then you can start right back up and try the next cycle.
One thing I thought of when you said that both of you would love to eventually carry is.. If your up for two babies at once you could both transfer the same time with one egg each or two if your feeling brave and both carry a child at the same time. Everything's possible with IVF stuff! So think on that if you already haven't.

Manada

Thanks @jalara48 and @Lacyj67

I feel like a hysterical newbie!   Hahaha.

I know that the nutrition/supplements business isn't entirely proven.   I'm not even sure why I'm so worried about them.

When I was doing the iui's I actually gave up most of the acupuncture/supplements/voo-doo because it just got to be too much to do over and over, and fail and fail.   For some reason, probably because this is our first 'shared' cycle, and I really want it to work for H. probably more than myself, I am somewhat obsessed with throwing everything and the kitchen sink at it....  

H is potentially/probably giving me, and our family, this incredible gift in sharing this experience -- I can't take that for granted at all....

ladyrader0227

Welcome to the board - - I wish you didn't have to be here but it is a great group of folks!

Question 1 - as far as things to do that might help or hurt, I agree with Lacy that you should follow the RE's instructions on what vitamins, etc to take or not.  I did acupuncture for my first few procedures (IUI and IVF) & then it was just too much & reminded me of failure.  However, I recently decided to try it again with this FET.  I find that I am much more relaxed about life when I do acupuncture.  So if it makes you feel better & you can afford it ... why not do it?

Question 2 - that sounds about right.  I did something similar for my fresh transfer cycle.

My egg donor was a stranger - part of me wishes I had known her.  Try not to overthink everything. I think the more you can try to relax and let the medicine & doctors "do what they do" --- the better off you will be. 

Big hugs to you & Healz!

ArgyleBride

Hi there.  I am a donor, cycling right now.  I can't really speak to your transfer questions, but I wanted to welcome you to the board.