Tonight will be the hubby's first night back to work since we lost Olivia 12 days ago. I am already afraid of the night since that is when I seem to get really lost on my thoughts as well as when I see her face. I am just so mad that I am here again greiving over another baby that I should be preparing for. Not crying constantly and feeling as of I'm in a terrible dream that I can not wake up from. I'll be home for another month and a half and I keno that it will get easier but it just seems like every time I look at myself I get the reminder that my precious baby girl is no longer with me. It seems just like yesterday that she was inside me and we would have our nightly conversations and she would kick for me. I just feel empty and somtimes like I can not do what a women is supposed to and that is have a child!!! I am feeling just a sense of hopelessness and even though I have unfortunately gone thru this before I just seem to be a lot sadder. I am very anxious for the holidays to past and for this year to end so that we can start next year off pray for a better year.
Sorry for the emotional rant but I feel as if I'm spinning and no stop is in sight.