Marriage question

LoveActually4

MH told me today at work his boss was micromanaging him and it was pissing H off. H basically told him to leave him alone. Personally I feel like h was a dick about it and I told him so, his boss pays him so he should do things the way his boss wants them done.

H is mad because he says I'm his wife so I should support his views on this.

Do you support your spouse in situations even when you think they're wrong?

thebanich

I tell my husband if I disagree with him. We disagree about a lot.

theseaword

It depends. I would say I usually call him out. In a situation where he's really hurting and there's no opportunity to fix the situation, I'll usually default to support/making him feel better. In your situation, I would probably do what you did.

MelissaRae1525

SO is like that. If he gets pissed in traffic and I say he did something wrong he accuses me of taking the other person's side even if he did cut them off or whatever. Drives me insane.

MrsT0514

I agree with @LauraT25 that you can be supportive without always having to agree with him. When MH vents to me about work situations, I always try to be supportive and validate his feelings, but I also tell it like it is. If I sont agree with the way he handled something, I tell him so. But ultimately its his job and his call. I'm just there as a sounding board.

NotSharknado

I will tell him if I don't agree but I choose my words wisely. I support him 100% but he also values my opinion on things. Sometimes it takes another perspective.

LoveActually4

You guys all sound so nice. I was like "fuck dude, that was a dickhead move".

klondikebar

I will always support DH, but that doesn't mean I agree with him. He does the same for me. I know he hasn't always agreed with the way I have handled my mom, but he'll always listen and give advice. Sometimes telling me that I was wrong and giving a different perspective is the support I need.

SoDoMojo

My eyes glaze over whenever DH talks to me about work. So, if that's "being supportive" then, yes... I'm always super supportive. 

Snapdragon750

KlondikeBar said:

I will always support DH, but that doesn't mean I agree with him. He does the same for me. I know he hasn't always agreed with the way I have handled my mom, but he'll always listen and give advice. Sometimes telling me that I was wrong and giving a different perspective is the support I need.

This exactly.

jorkz821

LoveActually4 said:

You guys all sound so nice. I was like "fuck dude, that was a dickhead move".

I say a version of this pretty regularly. H is a bit if a hothead/has a bit of a problem with authority and sometimes he needs to be reminded that he's not always in charge at work.

jorkz821

LauraT25 said:

Wait is calling my husband a dickhead NOT supportive?

Maybe I am doing it wrong.

Whoopsies!

missyishere

If I agreed with everything my husband said or did, I would have a really really boring marriage.  Part of the reason he loves me is my feisty attitude and ability to make a fucking decision. 

CurlyQ284

fredalina said:

Haha I thought it was OP that said she called him a dickhead. I see it was you. Still, I think spouses should give the benefit of some doubt and trust that their spouses can conduct their own business. Unless of course they ask for advice or have proven they suck in the past. Or do something REALLY stupid like look at porn at work.

I agree. My DH says some crazy stuff about work. He'll tell me something he said and I think "ohhhh shit" but his work is full of ball busters and no one EVER gets fired. So his work is nothing like my work and I try to remember that when he says something shocking.

OP in your situation, he can't undo it so consider that as well.

LadyXaverian

fredalina said:

In this case I would have listened, and if I really thought I was right and he was wrong, I would have asked pointed questions or come up with an anecdote rather than challenge him directly. I absolutely can tell my H that I think he's wrong, and there are times that I do, but this wouldn't be one of them. He is the one who is at work and knows exactly what happened and the environment, so I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus I really trust him about such things. And I would not like it if I were trying to vent and he told me everything he thought I was doing wrong, directly without seeming to trust my judgment or being there. In fact I'd be pissed. Sorry, I think you owe him an apology. You may or may not be "right" about the issue but I don't think you handled it well.

This is exactly what I do. I ask questions and give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to things going on at his job. If it's something related to our personal life, I'll be 100% honest even if it means I'm being "unsupportive" of what he wants. I'll also be honest about his work-related stuff if he flat out asks my opinion about something like when he was trying to decide whether or not to apply for a different position or when contemplating going to his boss with a complaint.

I think it's ok to be honest and tell him it was a "dick head move" if that's the nature of your relationship, but based on his reaction, it sounds like he just wanted you to listen, and I don't think that's too much to ask.

CinemaGoddess

missyishere said:

If I agreed with everything my husband said or did, I would have a really really boring marriage.  Part of the reason he loves me is my feisty attitude and ability to make a fucking decision. 

We are the same person.  

CinemaGoddess

As to LoveActually's situation:  I'd need to know exactly what her H said to his boss.  Was it "Hey boss.  I've been noticing that you've been micromanaging me a lot lately.  Is there anything I can do to ease your mind about my workload?" or was it "Hey boss.  Fuck off already.  I got this shit handled."  

LoveActually4

Oh no, there's no debating it, it was
a dickhead move.

Boss: are you going to send home test reviews tomorrow? (h is a teacher)

h: what do you think I'm going to do, wait until Monday? (test is Monday).

H said boss looks stunned by comment.

H feel like boss should trust him. I think boss is just checking to make sure. I told H boss can ask him whatever he wants and H shouldn't take it personally. H is perceiving boss' questions as criticism.

I think H got so upset over this because he knows he was wrong and he feels bad about it.

/end scene

ETa I will add that boss and H have been friends and equals for 20 years, boss was just promoted and H is having trouble seeing him as an authority figure. Sarcastic comments are within the nature of their relationship.

CinemaGoddess

Oh that was a total dick move on your DH"s part.  

ASmallWonder

I was about to ditto @CinemaGoddess but then I saw @LoveActually4 clarify and yeah, your husband handled that badly.  He was flippant and unprofessional.  Bosses can micromanage if they want to - that's their right as a boss.  It doesn't make them a great boss though so if someone really feels it's going too far, it warrants a conversation about the boss' expectations and their view of you as their employee.  It doesn't warrant a sarcastic remark that didn't address your husband's real concerns and only made him look bad.