A Twist...

NickiChick

I posted an intro a month or so back about adopting internationally. My DH and I were trying to decided between Nicaragua and Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). 

A LOT has happened since then. First we decided on DRC and two days later they stopped issuing exit letters. This could take up to a year to resolve. We sat back and started doing some research and praying about a new direction. 

Now for the twist. My DH has a half sister who has been in trouble with DCS for abusing her children (1.5 and 2.5 year olds). This is not new to us, but we were under the impression she was working to get her kids back. The little ones are in a temporary foster care situation at this time. Last week DH and I received a call from his dad that she has asked him to adopt the kids. She doesn't feel she can parent. His dad was asking us if we would be willing to be next in line if something happened to him. 

This is a tough situation because his family had no idea about our IF or our intent to adopt. We are thinking about offering to adopt the kids. This is a tough situation and not at all what we were planning for.

I'm curious to hear thoughts from all of you. What should we consider before moving in this direction? Would you adopt a family member?

Dr.Loretta

I know we've had at least one poster who adopted her sister's kids.

 

If we were in that situation, I think we would strongly consider adopting a relative's child(ren). Clearly it would depend on whether they had health issues we felt we could/couldn't handle, what kind of support system we had in place, etc.

IMO it doesn't hurt to let your family know you are considering it, and talk to the kids' caseworker to see what may be involved.

Please keep us posted

IdigDirt

For me personally, I would adopt them but would hope the sister wasn't close enough to think she could try to parent through you (don't know if that happens). I would because I think 1.5 and 2.5 are good ages since they are still young and if I didn't already have DS a sibling set would be great, especially since they can be hard to place. That is just me though, you have to do what is right for you. Good luck!!

mtendere

I'd start by having an open talk with his dad and lay it all on the table. Tell him what you are thinking and that you would consider adopting the children. Anyway, if he is amenable, then by all means, step forward and express interest - the sooner the better. Find out as much as you can to make a decision. No one can answer about what they would do, because every situation is so different, but I would say that it is definitely worth exploring. Not only would you potentially be able to adopt two young kids, you have a chance to offer a loving and stable home to members of your own family. However, if your FIL is not on board and really wants custody himself, I wouldn't start a big court battle over it.

Would he be adopting them or just be granted guardianship? Often with relative placements they don't go through with a full TPR.

daniandbri

We are adopting from family. It's not originally what we were thinking but when the opportunity was brought to us- it seemed like the best route. We are fortunate to be adopting an infant (due in December)... but if she would agree to adoption (not guardianship as mentioned above) I would talk about the boundaries you're comfortable with and if you feel everyone can agree I would go forward.

GraceUponGrace09

Wow! That's a serious twist! Sounds like it could be an answer to your prayer. I don't have any advise but hope you and your husband can make a decision that you feel peaceful about.