how do you know you are just "over it"?

michaelaskedlauren

When do you ladies "know" it is time for you to move on from a job? Ive read a few threads on here with WM in various situations and debating whether or not it is time to look somewhere else from internal BS to the commute, etc.

For me, Ive been here for 7.5 years and I think I am just over it. I dont feel as invested and I think I have become jaded from having to deal with internal politics for so long. I am not sure if I should blame this on the preggo hormones or what. I find myself just counting down to my maternity leave so I can get a break from this place and figure out my next move. Is that bad?

I do enjoy working, and I get flexibility here which is honestly the only reason why I am still here and why I would potentially come back. Sigh. Im not sure if I am looking for advice, or just needed a place to vent (it doesnt help that I was basically just told to start over on a project and bring more cooks in the kitchen (which as you all know just makes things 100xs more difficult)).

Pearls of wisdom / personal stories welcome! Give me some faith to help me last these next 17 weeks until LO #2 arrives and I get some time away to reevaluate what I want out of my WM life.

Thanks!

 

 

aglenn

For me, it is time to go when I start feeling like I can't (or don't want to) identify myself as part of the team.  I know that is vague.  To me it is important to be engaged as part of the team and to feel like we are all on the same page.  When I start to feel twinges of me vs. them, it is time to reevaluate.

Nechie122

First of all, 17 weeks is not very long in the grand scheme of things and not worth jeopardizing your maternity leave by leaving now.

That said, it's completely reasonable to start looking for other jobs after you return from leave. I mean, you might appreciate being able to coast a bit until you get into a routine with your new LO, but after the initial transition, I don't see the harm in monitoring job boards for something new.

I changed jobs when my LO was 10 months old and it was the right thing to do at the right time. I did give up a lot of flexibility (especially in the beginning while I was "proving" myself) but it was worth it to be doing something I enjoy.

mae0111

OMG GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Seriously.  I think I wrote this post a few weeks ago, and I'm still struggling.  I have a ton of flexibility, and a ton of $$ in deferred stock that I would lose if I walked away, but the internal politics are crushing.

For me, there are a few things keeping me here.  I am up for a promotion at the beginning of next year.  It's a promotion in title only, but would open doors, change my comp, and really get me a seat at the table.  I'd become part of the leadership team for the company - over 3K employees.

The flexibility is huge.  I WFH 2 days a week, and can switch it pretty easily if needed.  I don't know that I'd find that elsewhere in my industry.

But I'm so tired of people being rewarded for bad behavior and major f-ups.  It's killing me.  I'm tired of watching my back all the time.

So no advice.  Just wanted to commiserate and let you know you're not alone!

itsmevkb

I'm very much a creature of habit who doesn't really seek out or like big change, so it takes a lot for me to switch up jobs or careers.  Every job I've ever had has involved internal politics, petty co-worker type disputes, at least some level of ridiculous work rules that are maddening, etc. so I tend not to see those as reasons to leave because I assume any new job I find will have those same things.  For me it's about the work and personal challenge.  I need to feel as though I'm being challenged in my job, appreciated for what I do, and feel competent.  If I didn't have that, I'd start looking elsewhere.  Okay, that, and I need to get paid.  I left the law firm I worked at because my paycheck kept bouncing!

aeh72

I have been exactly where you are.  Here's how I finally knew:

I have been at my job for over 13 years.  I've had periods of feeling burned out (I deal with people's complaints and it is a very high volume) off and on over the course of time . . . but I've always recovered and been able to feel engaged again in my work.  The "burn out" started again a couple years ago.  I got pregnant so that was a welcome distraction and I was looking forward to the "break" of maternity leave.  I figured I would come back and either be re-engaged in my job or, even if I wasn't, perhaps having a child now would put my job in a different perspective - i.e., I wouldn't let things get to me as much.  Aside from the first month or two back of just getting into the swing of things, the burn out never left me.  But, I was still nervous about leaving my comfortable and flexible situation (I work at home and have a great manager) so I stuck it out for another year.  A couple months ago I decided to see what other jobs were out there and I found one that I was really interested in.  I interviewed and got the job.  I cannot even tell you the weight it has lifted off me knowing that I am finally leaving.  The stess of a new job - and one that will be in an office (so no more working at home) - feels like nothing compared to the stress I feel everyday at my current job.  The risk seems so worth it - a year ago, maybe even 6 months ago, I don't know that it would have been worth it and that I would have been ready to leave. I may find the grass is not greener, but I knew I could not miss this chance to find out.

So, my advice is to look around at other jobs.  Until you know what else is out there and what your options may be, you won't know if you really are "over it."  And, if an opportunity comes your way, trust your instincts on if it is the one to make a change for.  GL to you!

ETA - just re-read your post and realized you are currently pregnant. I would probably not look for jobs now; get through your pregnancy and through your maternity leave and see what things are like when you get back to work.  I have been fortunate to have a very flexible and understand boss and that was worth a lot as a new mom, but eventually I knew I needed (and was ready) for more than just that to be the reason to stay.  Give yourself time to figure this out after you return from leave.

financialdiva

I have come to realize there is no perfect job. I am pretty content with my job. The pro's list is longer then the con's list.

When the con's list becomes longer then the pro's list, it's time to move on.

Karla CS

I'm in your same boat. First, I was just coasting until maternity leave. Now I'm just coasting for flexibility and being able to pump without feeling like I should be staying late. I know it's time to go. The fact that you wrote this post means you know it's time to go. It's all just a matter of how long you'll value the promise of flexibility after baby. For me, I'm trying to make it to as close to a year as possible. (Or at least as long after the new year and my retention bonus as possible)

tig594

When you absolutely positively dread getting up and going to work for any length of time I think it's time to get out. I was at my last place of employment for 10 years, worked like a dog and on call 24/7.  By the time I left I was so miserable that I vowed never again!  I'd rather work 5 part time jobs than ever be that unhappy and exhausted again.  Life is too short and your happiness (and that of your family) just isn't worth it. 

jlaOK

I was fine with my former job but knew that it wasn't somewhere I wanted to be long-term (long commute, no room for advancement, no raises, etc.).  I always kept my eyes open for something new and when I took my current job it was because it literally checked off every box in my "dream job" category.  I don't think that there is any problem with being patient and being picky and not making a move until there are little to no compromises you'd be making with a new job.

And FWIW, I think flexibility is something that will be pretty easy to find in a new job.

DiveFrog

SandAndsSea said:

For me, I had been at my prior employer for 5 years + 2 internships and I knew it was time to move as I moved up into a management position and saw more of what the leadership valued and who was getting accolades.  It wasn't those that were doing the most, the smartest, the hardest working, or the most deserving, but those that had the best relationships with the leaders.  Also, I didn't see any good examples of working moms there and wasn't sure how I could still be very successful at work and the kind of mom I wanted to be.  I didn't see myself there long term any longer and decided that it was time to leave.

This has been true at EVERY single job I have ever had.

In reality I think we do a disservice to our children when we tell them and train them that hard-work and knowledge/skills will be rewarded, or get them where they want to go. Because those are certainly advantageous, but more important to your success are your interpersonal skills, likeability and network you build.

 

michaelaskedlauren

Many thanks for all of your input ladies. It is nice to know that I am not alone and to read what all of you have learned from your various experiences.

For me, I just know that my heart isnt in it anymore. It hasnt been for a while. I will get bursts of inspiration/motivation, but it then fizzles. There have been some changes around here that I kept thinking will bring back the excitement...but no dice. I used to get excited about the opportunity to travel and would push to be involved in meetings with the big cheeses, and now it all just makes me want to take a big nap.

I think my best course of action is to ride it out until LO #2 arrives (as PP said Ive been here 7.5 years, what is another few months?!), do some soul searching while on maternity leave and see where that all takes me.

Many thanks again for the input (keep it coming!), and best of luck to those of you dealing with simliar situations.

 

SoMoNY

I think you just know deep down.

When you dread coming in, when you start to wonder why do I bother, when you feel yourself pull away from your team and go it alone, when you no longer feel challenged

iverske9

I wanted more money and I felt like my brain was dying. I left my old job (I liked my boss, and it was flexible) and got an offer when I was 11 weeks pregnant. I need to feel stimulated plus in my field the biggest jump I can get in pay is by moving companies. So I started applying and was picky only willing to leave if it was a good match. I think it is better to be more selective when you have a job rather than being so desperate and taking anything and landing in the same issue all over again.

mae0111

ArkansasMom22 said:

For me, it is time to go when I start feeling like I can't (or don't want to) identify myself as part of the team.  I know that is vague.  To me it is important to be engaged as part of the team and to feel like we are all on the same page.  When I start to feel twinges of me vs. them, it is time to reevaluate.

I completely agree! I have been searching for a new job since I realized I didn't want to work with the people I do as they do not support my professional growth and have no sense of team. To me it is also time to move on when your professional growth is not supported or there is now growth plan. My boss has flat out told me she doesn't want me to learn more as it is a threat to her and her position. She denies any and all training requests I have and makes a point to remove me from projects just before end state so she can take the credit. I have taken on the responsibilities of a whole other person recently and she said she won't request a reclass for my job because it isn't important to her.

What a sh!tty, horrible boss, and an awful situation.  Managers like this drive me crazy.  I want my staff to learn everything they can, and I'm constantly talking them up.  It often leads to them being promoted right out of my group.  And it means my company can retain incredible talent.

Your boss is an idiot, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.