capture your grief day 30

lrichmond86

30. Growth: Do you believe you have grown or are growing as a person since the loss of your precious baby? How? How do you see other people now? How do you see the world? Do you believe you have a higher purpose? Do you believe your baby had a higher purpose?

schulme2

I have grown in a lot of ways; some good, some bad. No question, I am not the same person I was 6 months ago. There is an innocence that I've lost. I have lost a lot of sympathy for other people and their trivial woes. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't feel bad. I think the bigger issue is that I've come to realize what is truly important, meaningful and good and what I used to think was, has now exponentially diminished. I don't take any day or moment for granted. I have lost a huge tolerance for people complaining about their pregnancy; if it results in a healthy baby or rather a baby at all, be happy and embrace it for the sheer miracle it is. I have lost and am getting back to growing in my faith. I'm in a place I never thought I'd be but I am learning to accept it as our new-- much sadder but much more appreciative--reality.

Noethola

***Siggy warning***

30. Growth: I can hardly believe we are almost through with Capture your Grief. 

Oh yes, we have grown since our loss. I could echo everything @schulme2 said. I have lost all patience for people who complain about trivial things. Most things to me are very black and white, life or death. I try to still empathize, but some days it is hard to do. Especially with those who complain about pregnancy. Oh, your baby cries and you are tired? You should be rejoicing, not complaining about the fact that you lost a little more sleep. (End rant, sorry.) I know pregnancy and parenting are hard, but don't lose sight of the gift in front of you.

I believe my story can be used. I still cannot believe that her death was caused so that we would be pawns in a game of sorts. However, I want to be able to share my story to help others. I want Elsie's life to continue to impact people for years and years to come. 

We were given a small magnolia seedling in her memory, so here is my picture of growth. One day, it will be a beautiful flowering tree.

TwinkleTor

~~ Sorry it's pretty long~~

Day 30. Growth

I don't want this to end... It's helped so much, and I love learning so much more about you ladies! I have felt 100% like I wasn't alone in everything I felt along the way. Capture the Grief 2013! Can't wait to do this again next year with a lot more time to change, grow, heal, and feel.

I agree with PP, I have no tolerance for people and their daily tribulations that they seem to want to vent to me about. It all frustrates me and I've learned to tune people out and just nod while they talk. My responses have become so generic and usually consist of "IDK". And when some one is complaining about their newborn or pregnancy I just walk away. I know it's rude, but in my opinion they are being rude to me.

Anyway aside from that I have become very sensitive to death. Even seeing animals on the side of the rode hurt, just breaks my heart and occasionally bring me to tears. And I have become fearful of losing others in my family. I have noticed, completely unintentional, I've become more religious. I feel urges to attend church, meditate. Doing those things just make me feel closer to my little Domenik.

lrichmond86

If I could rewind time, I would never want my baby to die. But with that being said, I am incredibly thankful for the changes that that event brought to my life. I used to worry so much about what other people thought of me. Now I couldn't care less. I find myself thinking, "they have no idea what I've been through. " I'm proud of myself for who I've become. I'm a stronger person... more passionate, more loving, more in touch with my feelings and the feelings of others. My son made me a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend and teacher. I know now that I can get through anything because I've already gotten through the worst thing that could happen. In the short time that he was with us, he changed my life in tremendous ways and I will always love him even more for that. Thank you, baby. Thank you a million times over!

(No picture today)