7th Day Adventist question (xposted to WM)

MagickalNarwhal

We are looking for PT care for my toddler and baby. I thought I found the ideal place - highly recommended by two neighbors (who I like but don't know super well), close, has the same theoretical approach to care that I am looking for, and the main woman was AWESOME with my shy son when we visited the other day. It's a home daycare but there are several others who work there in addition to the main woman that runs it. 

I discovered that she's a 7th day adventist and very very devout. It didn't come up in the tour but she did make a passing comment to my neighbor about coming to her husbands bday party that there would be prayer. We are gay Jews. I have an email in to her to see if she thinks it's a fit but everything I know about 7th day adventists (which is very very little) is that the official stance is very anti-gay. I am thinking that might be a deal breaker for me but since I know so little about the religion I'm trying to keep an open mind and ask questions.

Would you be uncomfortable with something like this?

LoveActually4

I'm Catholic, which is pretty homophobic but I support the LGBT community here and volunteer with their teen organizations.

Are you worried about her finding out and dropping you or her pushing religious beliefs on your child?

SimpleJane

I would be very upfront with my concerns. Tactfully, and probably through email, you could just ask her about it. If she really is anti-gay she will likely respond with something along the lines of "While I don't believe in that lifestyle...." and you will know its not a good fit.

FWIW I'm a Christian and pro gay marriage. Ones religious views don't always determine their stance on these things. She may be very open and accepting

nancy30005

Maybe she's part of this organization which seems pretty accepting. 

https://www.sdakinship.org/

MagickalNarwhal

mbenit4 said:

JFC I wouldn't consider the religion homophobic. The Vatican and Bishops have taught passive homophobia. However the official teaching is that homosexuals are to be treated with respext love, compassion, and sensitivity. Sex outside marriage is the sin and we all know how heterosexuals are following that one.

I don't know. That comment rubbed me wrong and took my breath away. i was never taught to be homophobic. however i grew up in new Orleans where it is very different but very Catholic.

From the website Adventist.org:

"Homosexuality is a manifestation of the disturbance and brokenness in human inclinations and relations caused by the entrance of sin into the world."

How is that NOT homophobic?

MagickalNarwhal

Yes I did google it and most of what came up was anti-gay. I know that there are religions that are "officially" anti-gay but are accepting, support same sex weddings etc.

I'm worried about my kids hearing anti-gay messages, about feeling unwelcome, about having awkward interactions if other kids ask why my kid has two mommies etc. I'm worried about the religious messages about sin etc.

I am emailing her but I'm interested to hear other people's experiences as well.

MagickalNarwhal

mbenit4 said:

pobrecita said:

mbenit4 said:

JFC I wouldn't consider the religion homophobic. The Vatican and Bishops have taught passive homophobia. However the official teaching is that homosexuals are to be treated with respext love, compassion, and sensitivity. Sex outside marriage is the sin and we all know how heterosexuals are following that one.

I don't know. That comment rubbed me wrong and took my breath away. i was never taught to be homophobic. however i grew up in new Orleans where it is very different but very Catholic.

What comment?

The 3rd post. Am in my car so I am a poor quotes.

Wait you are saying that it took your breath away to hear someone say the Catholic Church is homophobic??

MagickalNarwhal

mbenit4 said:

MagickalNarwhal said:

mbenit4 said:

JFC I wouldn't consider the religion homophobic. The Vatican and Bishops have taught passive homophobia. However the official teaching is that homosexuals are to be treated with respext love, compassion, and sensitivity. Sex outside marriage is the sin and we all know how heterosexuals are following that one.

I don't know. That comment rubbed me wrong and took my breath away. i was never taught to be homophobic. however i grew up in new Orleans where it is very different but very Catholic.

From the website Adventist.org:

"Homosexuality is a manifestation of the disturbance and brokenness in human inclinations and relations
caused by the entrance of sin into the world."

How is that NOT homophobic?

If you already had this info OP then why post this question? Seems you read and know more than any if us here know about that religion.

See my comment above. I know many religious people who belong to churches that are officially anti-gay. But there is a lot of functional acceptance and its very common for many church members to be supportive and welcoming. I have no idea if this is what 7th day Adventist are like... As I'm sure you know there can be a difference in the "official" stance and the cultural mores within the community.

ilovemygirls

SDA is a very conservative religion- I know a lot of folks who are SDA & former SDA as it is a large population in the area that I live.  That being said, I think it comes down to the individual.  The problem with you coming out & saying "Hey, we're gay- any probs w/that?" is that she really can't say yes to that she wishes not to be sued for discrimination (not saying you would, but some people would!).  If anything, you might actually ask her how much Christian faith she incorporates into her childcare setting, since you are Jewish.  That is a question she can answer factually, and you can decide whether you're comfortable w/that or not. As part of that conversation, I'd work in something about "my wife & I" or "my partner & I" & see if you get any sort of weird reaction.  If you get a negative vibe off of her regarding any of that, I'd say that's not the place for you.

Snapdragon750

The official stance of Judaism is anti-gay too! (I'm saying this as a Jew)

My point is that not every follower of a religion follows all the rules/tenets/beliefs the same way as the book says.  I think tell her up front that you're gay and ask if that's going to be a problem.  You'll be able to gauge from her response what to do (not necessarily what she says, but how she says it).  FYI, I'd probably do this with anyone who you hire for child care.  There are religious folks who are comfortable with gay parents and non-religious folks who are not.

Anyway the real question here is not if she's uncomfortable, but if YOU are uncomfortable.  Maybe as a Jew you're uncomfortable with any devout (insert something non-Jewish here) person providing regular care for your child, and that's allowed too.

nixieknox3

DD1 went to catholic school for kindergarten.  in her class was a little girl with two mommies. it was NBD, but it is a pretty liberal catholic church/school.  she may be on the liberal side of her religion, is there anyway you could get one of your neighbors to find out?

MagickalNarwhal

Thanks, this does give me ideas about how to talk to her about it. She doesn't know that I'm gay - I live in SUCH a queer friendly are that it honestly didn't occur to me to bring it up, and obvs my wife was not on the tour. I did ask my neighbor and she said that there is one other queer family that goes there, and that prayer isn't a part of the day. But I think there are ways that I can ask her questions where she can let me know how she feels about queer families without worrying about discrimination.

I'm super open to my kids being exposed to other religions (we are mostly secular Jews), but not if one of the fundamental tenets is homophobia, specifically if the person doing the care is actively homophobic, even if they are professional enough to not be biased in their job.

Jackiemxoxo

Just lurking here but I was raised SDA and this truly depends on the individual like any other christian religion.