Has anyone read The Strong Willed Child?

MrsCodeMonkey

The manager at the Y childwatch suggested I read "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson. I borrowed the newer version from the library.

Two pages in the first chapter he tells the story of a battle of the wills with his dachshund. He actually threatened the dog with the belt and swatted his rear end. Then he won the battle and the dog became submissive. I'm disgusted by this. He then started to talk about how kids will play Challenge the Chief.

Is there anything redeeming to this book? Should I keep reading or return it to the library? I'm glad I didn't pay money for it. Gah!

I might go re-read Love and Logic. That was more my style of parenting, but I'm stuck with trying to figure out what to do with the battle of the will that happens nearly daily. So far I keep my cool and carry on like it's no big deal, but it's frustrating.

JackoftheBox

I was trained in love and logic while teaching pre-school. It's hard but hang in there!

BluepointToasted

There is a line between teaching your child respect and breaking your kids spirit. As annoying as it can be, I want my child to challenge what he is told from time to time. I'm not looking to raise a "yes man"

MrsCodeMonkey

piffle42 said:

I think my mom read it. I believe it helped her zero. I was extremely strong willed. She told me all the books she read were a giant waste of time.

I'm afraid books are no substitute for trial and error and lots of patience. Yet, I keep trying to find some kind of answer in a book like your mom.

MelissaRae1525

piffle42 said:

I think my mom read it. I believe it helped her zero. I was extremely strong willed. She told me all the books she read were a giant waste of time.

Same here. She went to some seminar and it advocated only letting your child have one you. I'm still strong willed, so clearly it doesn't work that well.

Eta one toy, not you

MrsCodeMonkey

BluepointToasted said:

There is a line between teaching your child respect and breaking your kids spirit. As annoying as it can be, I want my child to challenge what he is told from time to time. I'm not looking to raise a "yes man"

Yeah, I'm afraid this book goes too far in one direction. I don't want to be a push over, but I don't want to be feared like a dictator either. Wish I had more parenting confidence to stick to a plan and stop doubting myself.

BluepointToasted

I think the goal is to be reasonable and fair, in a manner that makes your child comfortable enough to question you, but respectful enough to trust that what you are telling them is the right thing to do, even if they don't understand your reasoning at the time. The end game here is to create an adult ( and teen) who has good decision making abilities and problem solving skills, without you hovering.

Now someone just tell me exactly how to accomplish that please!

MrsCodeMonkey

BluepointToasted said:

I think the goal is to be reasonable and fair, in a manner that makes your child comfortable enough to question you, but respectful enough to trust that what you are telling them is the right thing to do, even if they don't understand your reasoning at the time. The end game here is to create an adult ( and teen) who has good decision making abilities and problem solving skills, without you hovering.

Now someone just tell me exactly how to accomplish that please!

Lol. If you figure it out please tell us

theseaword

I wouldn't take advice from someone who believes raising a child is anything like taming a dog. Yuck.

Maebb

My mom read it because I am that strong-willed child.

My parents are Southern Baptist, I got spanked as a child, and they took this book as sound parenting advice. My mom made me read other Dr. Dobson books as a teenager, and I never cared for them. Even if DS ends up being strong-willed, I don't think I'll read the book.

MrsCodeMonkey

mbenit4 said:

BluepointToasted said:

There is a line between teaching your child respect and breaking your kids spirit. As annoying as it can be, I want my child to challenge what he is told from time to time. I'm not looking to raise a "yes man"

A "yes man?" That seems a but extreme doesn't it?

A child that challenges every little thing is not respectful in the least in my book. There is a time and place for discussion and there are just times where when I say something it goes and that's it.

Consequences are explained. Reasons are given but I am not going to sit there and argue with a child. This isn't the tail wagging the dog. Parents do have to parent at times. Teaching a child to respect you as a parent does not mean you are going to break a child's spirit. You can be all the free spirit you want to be when you are an adult outside of my home. In the meantime while you are in childhood someone has to be the leader or the captain of the ship. I don't see that being the child. Just my opinion.

Sorry, I will not comment on discipline anymore.

I respect your views and we don't all have to agree on what ideal parenting is. Everyone is different. I do see your point that sometimes a parent is not to be questioned.

Today I was crossing a busy street with DD and I scooped her up to cross. She didn't like that, but I felt she was safer this way, so she got no choice. Crossing a busy street is no place for practicing holding my hand and listening...not yet. She needs to show me she can do it on a quiet street first.

MrsCodeMonkey

Maebb said:

My mom read it because I am that strong-willed child.

My parents are Southern Baptist, I got spanked as a child, and they took this book as sound parenting advice. My mom made me read other Dr. Dobson books as a teenager, and I never cared for them. Even if DS ends up being strong-willed, I don't think I'll read the book.

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad childhood experience. I was spanked too and I feel like it wasn't warranted. I really was a good kid...not to toot my own horn. I feel like a lot of my anxiety is due to the spanking and yelling I experienced in addition to the high pressure for getting top grades. It wasn't healthy.

MrsCodeMonkey

My last thought on the matter is that I'm a bit annoyed with how the author portrays the strong willed child.

He makes them out to be devious and set on questioning authority at all times, instead of plain stubborn at times and set on exploration most of the time.

I'm almost insulted that the lady at the Y considers my daughter this. She doesn't listen to directions all the time and she is stubborn when she wants something, but isn't this typical toddler behavior?

BluepointToasted

I guess I came across a little wrong. I am a lot stricter than I sound here. I believe in what I say goes, but I hate hate hate arbitrary rules. I think it is from when I was a kid, I still feel like my parents just automatically said no to everything with no reason.

So, I expect my kid to listen to me, but if they ask why, I would like to have a logical answer.  Arguing back and forth is a definite no no in my book.