hostess gift question

rbtrumpet

yes, I know you get a million of these, sorry!

Long backstory: 

My shower is this weekend.  4 of my friends are (were) hosting it at one friend's house.  I bought some specialty home-made body butter at a local craft fair as thank-you gifts for all 4 hosts.  I was also planning on bringing a bottle of wine for the friend who is opening her house (she just bought her house, so kind of a "thank you"/"housewarming" gift).

About a month ago, one of the hosts had to drop out, she had committed to something else (I believe work related) which was supposed to be that night, and then the time changed, and now it is in direct conflict with my shower.  OK, there are 3 more hosts.  Well, last Saturday (1 week before the shower), one of the other hosts had a huge family mess (family in the hospital, other family coming in from out of the country for this weekend only).  So now she just told the other two hosts that she can no longer come either. (she told me because she really feels bad, but obviously family comes first - which I totally understand).

I know the host who is opening her house has been saddled with the majority of the tasks now (the other host has a 6-month-old and lives about 45 min away).  I told her "look, I know it's not really my place, but if you need help with anything - setting up or just extra hands - let me know, I'm willing to help".  Not sure if this is OK etiquette-wise, but I just want her to know she doesn't have to do it all herself.  I feel bad for her!  There will be about 30 guests (she said numbers were not an issue, but I tried to keep it reasonable - I could have easily invited 60!  This is a church shower; my church is sizeable and I've been involved for a long time).

I will still thank all 4 of the hosts (I know the other 2 helped with the planning - and honestly I want to thank them for just offering).  Should I add some "extra stuff" to the remaining 2 hostess' thank-you gift?  Where does it become excessive - I mean body butter, plus wine, plus mani/pedi (or other suggestions???  Not sure mani/pedi is her style)?  Am I over-thinking?  Is my original gift enough?

TL;DR:

I had 4 hosts planning my shower, but in the last few weeks 2 have backed out, and 1 is doing probably 80%+ of the work now.  Should I give her "extra" thank-you gifts, and if so, what would you add (to body butter and wine)? 

dufferoo

I wouldn't add anything extra. I think of a hostess gift as just a simple sweet gesture that doesn't have to be proportional to the amount of time/effort/money spent on a shower.

RibbitGrl930

I agree with @jociejones. All four hostesses had a hand in planning the shower and I think giving all of them the same gift is fine. I highly doubt the one doing most of the work is going to see that the other 3 got the same gift she did and be offended that she didn't get more. I look at it in the context of thanking someone for any other type of gift. If Guest A spent $300 on their wedding gift to me and Guest B spent $50, does Guest A get any bigger/more elaborate/fancier a thank you card than Guest B?

rbtrumpet

RibbitGrl930 said:

I agree with @jociejones. All four hostesses had a hand in planning the shower and I think giving all of them the same gift is fine. I highly doubt the one doing most of the work is going to see that the other 3 got the same gift she did and be offended that she didn't get more. I look at it in the context of thanking someone for any other type of gift. If Guest A spent $300 on their wedding gift to me and Guest B spent $50, does Guest A get any bigger/more elaborate/fancier a thank you card than Guest B?

Good point - I didn't think about it in that context.  Thanks!

RebeccaY1

I don't intend to get hostess gifts for my mom and sister in law that are throwing my shower.  I will send thank you cards after the shower, and thank them during the shower for their hard work.