3am rant!

Burrberrymum

Just venting about my SO... He has yet to do any diapers, other than maybe 2 pee diapers in the whole month and a half, which was okay by me because I'm not working and he does a lot of the house work BUTT what realllllly gets me angry is the fact that I can't find time to shower unless she's sleeping because she's not content with him. So I desperately needed a shower and it took me 2-3 hours to get her to sleep so I can take a 3am shower, not even 5 minutes in he comes in telling me to hurry because she's pooping. So I hurry out, legs half shaved... Open her diaper and THERE IS NO POOP! This would have been my SECOND uninterrupted shower...... So frustrated that I havnt even had a consecutive 20 minutes to myself at all because he can't comfort her, he doesn't even try to, the minute she cries he gives up and hands her over and says she wants to eat when half the time she just isn't comfortable the way he's holding her.. Sorry for the rant but if I would have let this out to him it would have been a warzone !

krose0713

That would not fly with me! caring for your daughter needs to be a shared responsibility, not mommy only. If my husband did what yours did I would have reminded him of where the changing table is and wished him luck.

DaisyZH

That is crazy, he needs to be able to change a poop diaper, it's not rocket science. Also he should be able to watch the baby for 15 minutes while you shower. Is he refusing to do these things or does he just need more confidence that he can handle these things alone? If it's the latter you will just have to give them some alone time, maybe 15 minutes to start and work your way up from there. Honestly it's for his benefit too, he'll be able to bond more with baby if he has some one-on-one time.

Burrberrymum

I think he needs more confidence but when I try to show him what she likes he just gets frustrated and hands her to me.. He loves the easy stuff of course like playing with her while I'm around but says things like "if I puke you'll have to pick that up and change her diaper" when I ask him to change her... It's like I have 2 children.. He works hard and I appreciate that but I agree it takes the 2 of us, and he needs to do his part. Its so frustrating, and to try and not start an argument I try to hint to him things like, I'm gonna have to pay a nanny to come for an hour a day so I can shower and get us ready for the day,. Hoping he'll man up and say he can do it.

mrsmoxie

Maybe he doesn't think he's very good at changing a diaper? Make him change one while you supervise? My husband was worried he wouldn't be able to help with diapers, he gags at the slightest stinky smells. But he gets up at night to change the diaper. That's his duty when he's home. It doesn't bother him. I'd make your husband try it. Otherwise I'm at a loss for words if he can't watch the baby that you both made for 15 minutes. That's sad.

313Meg

You guys gotta get on he same page. I would talk to him. It helped when I talked with my H.

himymlover

That's ridiculous. To be honest yoj are letting him get away with it. If I were you and was in the shower and my fiance said I needed to hurry up because our son was pooping, I would have told him to suck it up and do it himself. There is absolutely no reason that you should get out of a shower to change a diaper. He sounds extremely immature. Also, if she starts crying don't take her! Make him spend some time trying to figure out what will help her calm down. Yes, its hard at first because you could do it faster, but how else is he supposed to learn? It sounds like your SO knows that you will do it if he says something, so he's being lazy and making you do everything. Definitely would not be ok in my relationship. My fiance does almost all diapers when he gets home from work, and he does any that need to be changed at night. I know it'll be hard to get used to, but you shouldn't have to do everything.

RedHead0917

It's time to stop being passive aggressive (mentioning the nanny thing) and sit down to talk about this. It's pretty ridiculous that he hasn't changed a poop diaper. You deserve a showe everyday at the least! I agree with pp suggestions, he's probably not confident. Go for a short walk and leave him alone so he doesn't have the option to hand her off. Good luck, I'm sure it's hard taking care of all 3 of you at once!

JamieWM

Your SO needs to build more confidence when w the baby. MH is amazing but was horrified at the beginning but after I showed him the deal, he slowly gained confidence and loves knowing what he is doing. Will YH want to learn? If so, be patient and help. If he is just being lazy, hand him his child and say toughen up!

aislinsmom

Not being able to comfort LO is one thing, but not changing diapers?!? Even if your husband works and helps around the house (which is great!) he still needs to be a parent. You should have a serious talk with him and help him to realize he is not really doing his share. You deserve uninterrupted showers - and NOT at 3:00 a.m!!

I can relate on the other part - my DH is not great with comforting our LO right now - but he will at least give it a try. He puts music on loud and dances with DS, which usually gives me enough time to eat supper or whatever. And he always changes diapers when he's home. I really hope yours starts pitching in more!!

noelani42

Ugh! That's awful! I'm sorry shower time is very important, and it's so enjoyable when you have someone there to watch the baby so you can relax!

fhgrl21

DH has always had a hard time adjusting to newborns. With DD he was very hands off until she was about 6 months. With DS he is he same way so far. Last week was the 2nd diaper he changed for DS....but I can't really complain because he has stepped up to the plate with DD and does all of her diapers and baths now. I hope it gets better for you! In a couple months when they are able to smile or giggle and "communicate" with DH, I feel that it gets much better.