Excited but a little freaked out

tiffanyp

No, I'm not pregnant. My big news is that I got a job! I haven't had one in nearly 3 years. It's full time with at least a 30 minute commute, so I'll be away from the kids for most of their waking hours. I've been looking for one on and off since Avery was about 8 months old, so I'm thrilled that this worked out, but it's a huge change. How will I manage everything? How do you working moms do it?

lulu8109

Congrats on the new job!  I'm not going to lie - it's going to be a huge change.  I work full time, but get to work from home 2 days a week.  I definitely don't keep the house as clean as it was pre-baby.  It's hard just getting the bare minimum of housework done.  DH and I definitely have to work together to make things work.

What are you going to do about child care?

tiffanyp

lulu8109 said:

DH and I definitely have to work together to make things work.

What are you going to do about child care?

The bolded part is what scares me the most. Realistically, my DH is not going to help out much because he works long hours, so I will need to outsource everything related to the kids that I cannot do myself. There are very few large, infant daycare facilities around here, and they all have wait lists. There are more options once the kids are over age 2. So, I will likely be getting a nanny. 

sdpookie13

You honestly just make it work.  It's definitely a struggle for a few weeks until you find your groove but you'll get there!  Congrats!  Even though i'm sad to leave my kids at daycare everyday, it is nice to get some adult interaction at work.  Just makes your cuddles at night and on weekends more special  

jnicolen1

congrats!!! that is exciting.  

i am trying to figure out how to fit in some work as well.  i havent worked since december 2010 and i feel like i need to get my foot back in the door.  i am only thinking of 1-2 days a week though and even that is causing me anxiety!

my husband is in the same boat as yours.  works a LOT of hours.  rarely even gets much weekend time with the boys.  they hate it when he leaves for work and miss him terribly. i am having guilt about leaving them as well.

you are in northern cali right? or were at one time? what is daycare/preschool cost vs. nanny where you are?  it seems like it would be less expensive to do nanny at home anyways, is that right?

lulu8109

tiffanyp said:

lulu8109 said:

DH and I definitely have to work together to make things work.

What are you going to do about child care?

The bolded part is what scares me the most. Realistically, my DH is not going to help out much because he works long hours, so I will need to outsource everything related to the kids that I cannot do myself. There are very few large, infant daycare facilities around here, and they all have wait lists. There are more options once the kids are over age 2. So, I will likely be getting a nanny. 

Maybe look into getting a maid?  I've seriously considered it, but have my reasons for not getting one.  (Though I wish I would get over it and hire one.  My house can be a disaster!)  I think having help with housework will help alleviate some of the stress.  That way you can focus on the kids when you're home from work versus worrying about cleaning.

jarebearsmom

We implemented a cleaning schedule. It's the only thing that keeps my house clean. You do a little in the morning and a little before bed and that's it. Pinterest has so many

tiffanyp

lulu8109 said:

tiffanyp said:

lulu8109 said:

DH and I definitely have to work together to make things work.

What are you going to do about child care?

The bolded part is what scares me the most. Realistically, my DH is not going to help out much because he works long hours, so I will need to outsource everything related to the kids that I cannot do myself. There are very few large, infant daycare facilities around here, and they all have wait lists. There are more options once the kids are over age 2. So, I will likely be getting a nanny. 

Maybe look into getting a maid?  I've seriously considered it, but have my reasons for not getting one.  (Though I wish I would get over it and hire one.  My house can be a disaster!)  I think having help with housework will help alleviate some of the stress.  That way you can focus on the kids when you're home from work versus worrying about cleaning.

I'm actually not that concerned about the housework. I honestly don't do much now, so I've gotten used to the filth. I'm concerned about trying to throw dinner together after I get home, and I'm concerned about grocery shopping and bill paying and just all the other things I do during the day that I'll have to squeeze into nights and weekends now, with very little help from DH. When do I actually get to spend quality time with the kids?

tiffanyp

jnicolen1 said:

congrats!!! that is exciting.  

i am trying to figure out how to fit in some work as well.  i havent worked since december 2010 and i feel like i need to get my foot back in the door.  i am only thinking of 1-2 days a week though and even that is causing me anxiety!

my husband is in the same boat as yours.  works a LOT of hours.  rarely even gets much weekend time with the boys.  they hate it when he leaves for work and miss him terribly. i am having guilt about leaving them as well.

you are in northern cali right? or were at one time? what is daycare/preschool cost vs. nanny where you are?  it seems like it would be less expensive to do nanny at home anyways, is that right?

Yes, I'm on the peninsula now, but I will be commuting to San Fran for the job. All childcare is pretty outrageous here, but a nanny who watches 2 kids for 45+ hours per week is about $900/week, so about 47k/year. A large daycare would be a little over 3k/month for the two kids, so about 36k/year, and a family daycare is 2k/month, so 24k/year. This is why I haven't gone back to work. It's hardly worth it after I pay taxes. 

Part time would be fantastic. That's the dream. You're a speech pathologist, right? If you have a profession where you can make that work, then go for it! I think it's good for everyone to have a little time apart.

stephy1221

Congrats!

It will take you a good month or so to get your groove but you will find it.

I am an advocate of valuing your own time first, meaning if you can delegate it, do it. Find a grocery service like stop and shop peapod, if you can afford it and want to hire a cleaning service.

Also get home and chill with the kids for an hour, then do your routine, if dinner is pushed back an hour everyone will get used to it. Also when it comes to this cooking ahead is abnig help.

Also if you have a smart phone and have to work late face time the kids, I do that on Tues night to do night night time with Ainsley because I have class from 6-8:45.

Good luck and Congrats!

SugarSnap83

tiffanyp said:

jnicolen1 said:

congrats!!! that is exciting.  

i am trying to figure out how to fit in some work as well.  i havent worked since december 2010 and i feel like i need to get my foot back in the door.  i am only thinking of 1-2 days a week though and even that is causing me anxiety!

my husband is in the same boat as yours.  works a LOT of hours.  rarely even gets much weekend time with the boys.  they hate it when he leaves for work and miss him terribly. i am having guilt about leaving them as well.

you are in northern cali right? or were at one time? what is daycare/preschool cost vs. nanny where you are?  it seems like it would be less expensive to do nanny at home anyways, is that right?

Yes, I'm on the peninsula now, but I will be commuting to San Fran for the job. All childcare is pretty outrageous here, but a nanny who watches 2 kids for 45+ hours per week is about $900/week, so about 47k/year. A large daycare would be a little over 3k/month for the two kids, so about 36k/year, and a family daycare is 2k/month, so 24k/year. This is why I haven't gone back to work. It's hardly worth it after I pay taxes. 

Part time would be fantastic. That's the dream. You're a speech pathologist, right? If you have a profession where you can make that work, then go for it! I think it's good for everyone to have a little time apart.

My jaw may or may not have just dropped when reading the bolded part!

As for working full time, everything just seems to work out. You learn to multi task like no other. I try to use nap time to my advantage. I try my best (although I don't always succeed) to meal plan and make lists of everything. Crock pot meals are your friend! I try to do grocery shopping early one weekend day while DH watches Noah. If I can't get in a real shopping trip, I'll run quickly right after work and before I pick up Noah...always goes faster without him

Like I said, it will all work out! GL!

JoJoMama730

Everybody has given great suggestions. Truly, you find a way to make it work. I make phone calls to and from work to catch up on friends and family. I pay bills while I eat my lunch. DH and I meal plan every Sunday, and plan 2 big meals for the week so that we have leftovers. Sometimes we double a dish and freeze it. If we leave meals to chance, we eat like crap and weeknights feel harder. As you adjust to the work experience, you will figure out what works for you and how to adjust the routine. Good luck and keep us posted! When do you start?

kat81again2

I'm not surprised about your center's prices but it's too bad that a nanny is $20/hr. You can't find one for more like $15/hr? I'd think that a nanny would usually be cheaper than two kids at a center (granted, our centers' prices are even more, at least for infants and toddlers, though now DS's tuition is under $1500/mo). 

Anyhow, if you can afford it, I would recommend getting a cleaning service maybe every other week or even monthly...it's not that expensive that way. Do you have grocery delivery in your area? That saves time. As for dinner, sometimes nannies are available to do "light housework" including some meal prep. We had a nanny for DS when he was an infant and she did our laundry and little things like dusting during his naps. We didn't have her do any meal prep but some applicants said they'd have done that. You can overlap with the nanny for some time in the evening and that way there is an extra set of hands for something like meal prep. Or you could hire a teenager to be a "moms helper" some evenings. Depends on your budget of course, but a young teen could be about $10/hr (or less!) because you're there at the same time and s/he is not experienced. 

theuntaggablek

Aw! Congratulations and good luck! 

If you can swing it and are motivated enough to do the interviewing process, I think a nanny would be great for the transition to working. You wouldn't have to do drop-off & pick-up - which would save time and energy - and you'd be able to watch and give special guidance on dd2's allergy situation.

As to dinner - crock pot can be good, as can making stuff ahead. We also just do more really simple meals these days - like tonight's pasta with chicken sausage and peppers...15 minute prep. Frittata, 20 minutes from start to a healthy meal. We rely on the 6 O'Clock Scramble cookbook a lot, too.

It is hard to have your weekends taken up with chores and errands...but if you present it with the right attitude, errands can be fun learning experiences (though allot more time to do them). My little guy actually begs to go on errands after I pick him up after daycare, and is always bummed when we don't go someplace on the weekends, even if it's just the grocery store. I try (unsuccessfully) to do at least 1 load of laundry per day. Even if I get that done, they're rarely folded!

It's definitely easier because DH pitches in, and it's still hard to get alone time, ever. If I do, it seems like it's alone time to grocery shop, or fold laundry, or stuff like that. You might try to strike a bargain for at least a few hours on Sat or Sunday to keep your sanity, go for a run, etc.

bosha711

Congrats & GL!

tiffanyp

Thanks guys. You are all making me feel a little better about the whole thing. I'm sure we will somehow survive, even if the transition is difficult.

@kat81 - are you on the east coast? I remember looking at daycare when I was in NYC an it was something like $2400/month for an infant. Here it's more like $1700 for an infant. Unfortunately the nanny costs seem to be the same as NYC. Now that I've talked to a couple people, it seems the cost for someone who speaks fluent English is $22/hour for 2 kids, so even worse than I expected. 

The housekeeper suggestion seems to be a common theme. I will definitely be getting some help around the house It might not improve my quality of life, but it will make my house cleaner. I'll have to look into grocery delivery. We had Fresh Direct in NYC and it was great, but I haven't seen any grocery trucks on the street over here so I'm guessing we don't have anything Luckily the grocery store is open 24 hours, so  could always go after the kids are in bed. 

jnicolen1

jnicolen1 said:

congrats!!! that is exciting.  

i am trying to figure out how to fit in some work as well.  i havent worked since december 2010 and i feel like i need to get my foot back in the door.  i am only thinking of 1-2 days a week though and even that is causing me anxiety!

my husband is in the same boat as yours.  works a LOT of hours.  rarely even gets much weekend time with the boys.  they hate it when he leaves for work and miss him terribly. i am having guilt about leaving them as well.

you are in northern cali right? or were at one time? what is daycare/preschool cost vs. nanny where you are?  it seems like it would be less expensive to do nanny at home anyways, is that right?

Yes, I'm on the peninsula now, but I will be commuting to San Fran for the job. All childcare is pretty outrageous here, but a nanny who watches 2 kids for 45+ hours per week is about $900/week, so about 47k/year. A large daycare would be a little over 3k/month for the two kids, so about 36k/year, and a family daycare is 2k/month, so 24k/year. This is why I haven't gone back to work. It's hardly worth it after I pay taxes. 

Part time would be fantastic. That's the dream. You're a speech pathologist, right? If you have a profession where you can make that work, then go for it! I think it's good for everyone to have a little time apart.

holy moly! i agree with everyone else. those nanny costs are INSANE!! i just found out here, in San Diego, its usually $14 for two babies/kids. i would have expected it to be on the higher end here. that stinks. hopefully, you can find an awesome affordable center. and if you have to go nanny, id have her do the grocery shopping AND cooking. shed be getting paid for it, thats for sure.

kj07

Congratulations!  It will be a transition, but you all will live through it.  And just think, lots of adult conversation and adult problem-solving!  Working can be kind of awesome some times, even if finding the right work/life balance can be a challenge.
For us, we prep as much as possible on Sundays.  So for my lunch, DH makes 4 salads that night, but only adds dressing to the one that's going with me to work on Monday.  That way during the week it's a lot less lunch prep. 
Do you have to drive or can you take public transit?  If you're on transit you can use the commute time to either rest/veg or get small chores/organization done (pay bills, meal plan, etc).
My only other piece of advice - if your start date isn't set in stone yet, try to start on a Tuesday or Wednesday so your first work week is short.  That first week will be exhausting and having it be a  day or two shorter will make you a little less tired for your first weekend at home.
You can totally do this!

Cheekers2010

I'm late to this but I just wanted to say congrats on your new job!

Strunella

Congratulations!  That is definitely exciting news!  I'm a big fan of outsourcing too...I'm all for paying someone else to make my life easier.   We have a nanny too and I think that makes a huge difference.  I'm not running around trying to get DS and myself out the door, prepping food, packing and unpacking his things.  She shows up at my door and takes care of everything, including his laundry.  I'm shocked that there is such a difference in cost of nannies -- I'm in a suburb of NYC and we pay our nanny $650/week, which will increase with baby #2, but still no where near $900/week.  I have friends in NYC and they're not even paying $900/week.  Maybe you'll get lucky and find someone a little more affordable.

We also have a cleaning woman every 2 weeks and she is a lifesaver.  I can't even imagine what this place would look like without her.

Dinner is a crap shoot around here.  DH does help in that arena, and I'm lucky to work from home 2 days a week so I can usually get something going while I'm wrapping up work.  We try to shop on Sundays for the week, but sometimes DH just gets something easy on the way home...pre-cooked roasted chickens from the grocery store are healthy and quick.  We just add some veggies & mashed potatoes.  Right now I have something in the crock pot. 

It will be an adjustment, but you'll definitely find your groove and learn not to stress out about things that might have bothered you before.  Also, when I come home, I shut down work completely while I'm with DS.  When he goes to bed, I can get back to work if I'm busy.

Is this an engineering job?  (I think you're an engineer, if I'm not going crazy!)

 

lrn327

Congrats on the new job!!  I have no advice with two, but you'll be just fine I'm sure.  Our DC costs are exactly the same as your own so a small yet important factor of why we still only have one!

tiffanyp

@Strunella - how many hours does your nanny work for you? I was surprised by how much the nannies around here were making too, but the biggest problem is just the number of hours that I would need her for. It really adds up, and they want paid vacation and holidays too. It also might just be that the nannies who are highly recommended are more expensive. I could probably find one outside my local community network who is less expensive, but then I'd have to do a bunch of research and background/reference checks in order to be remotely comfortable. I think I'm a bit of a control freak too, and I'm not terribly excited about bringing some random woman into my house to raise my kids. Even though it's more work for me, I like the idea of dropping my kids off at a center and knowing exactly where they are all day and what they are doing. Yes, I'm an engineer. I have literally been looking for work since I moved out here two years ago, and I was starting to think I'd never find anything in my field, so I really need to jump on this opportunity.

@kj07 - that's a great idea to start mid-week. I'll see if I can swing that. Unfortunately the commute will be driving. I could take public transportation, but it would add so much time to my commute that it's not worth it. 

Thanks everyone for the support and encouragement! It makes up for my MIL's reaction. lol. 

MrsDe2008

Congratulations!

Strunella

Our nanny started out at 47.5 hours a week, so that came to about $13.75/hr.  We've had some scheduling changes though, so now she works 43 hours/wk, putting her at a little over $15/hr.  I found both our current and previous nanny on care.com and we've had a great experience.  Our first nanny was with us for 2.5 years and would still be with us if she didn't leave to have a baby.  I haven't decided what our increase will be with #2, but that won't start until I go back to work after my leave.  Her hours will also go back to 47.5. I do give her 2 weeks paid vacation, but it actually ends up being more than that because I get over 4 weeks including an extended holiday vacation in December.  She also gets holidays and 3 sick days. 

It is a little weird at first to have a nanny, but honestly, our first nanny just felt like a part of our family.  She really loved DS and I know he adored her too.  In fact, she just came by the other day to see DS and have us meet her baby.

That's great that you finally found a job in your field!  Lots of luck and I'm sure you'll get the childcare sorted out.

tiffanyp

mands629 said:

Congratulations! (I actually saw this post a few days ago but this is the first chance I've had to respond.) With my H's job, I'm on my own a lot after work and it's exhausting and chaotic. But others gave you great advice - maid, do as much at work for home, crock pot (this is one of my fav freezer to crock pot websites: https://whoneedsacape.com/2012/11/crockpot-freezer-cooking/), don't stress if baths don't get done, and have a glass of wine ready for you in the evening (and a bigger glass of coffee in the mornings). Life at home might get a bit more stressful and compact, but rolling with the punches (or toddlers) helps. Good luck!

Mands! Thanks for coming out of hiding to give me advice That website is impressive. I will definitely need to start using the crock pot more. 

tiffanyp

Strunella said:

Our nanny started out at 47.5 hours a week, so that came to about $13.75/hr.  We've had some scheduling changes though, so now she works 43 hours/wk, putting her at a little over $15/hr.  I found both our current and previous nanny on care.com and we've had a great experience.  Our first nanny was with us for 2.5 years and would still be with us if she didn't leave to have a baby.  I haven't decided what our increase will be with #2, but that won't start until I go back to work after my leave.  Her hours will also go back to 47.5. I do give her 2 weeks paid vacation, but it actually ends up being more than that because I get over 4 weeks including an extended holiday vacation in December.  She also gets holidays and 3 sick days. 

It is a little weird at first to have a nanny, but honestly, our first nanny just felt like a part of our family.  She really loved DS and I know he adored her too.  In fact, she just came by the other day to see DS and have us meet her baby.

That's great that you finally found a job in your field!  Lots of luck and I'm sure you'll get the childcare sorted out.

That sounds like a very reasonable rate for a nanny. Many nannies over here want $20/hour for one (!) baby. I have no idea why it's so expensive. If the daycare doesn't work out, then I'll place an ad on Care.com. Maybe it's just these super experienced nannies that keep getting passed along the network that are so outrageously expensive.