Relationship before and after

tootsscott

Did your relationship with your S/O change significantly after your multiples were born? What about while still pregnant?

I'm 30wks with twins today and have just noticed my patience level with MH is going down quickly. We get along very well and only ever have disagreements, but for some reason today I'm ready to hit him with a frying pan. I hope it's just hormones

JordynLeighx3

H and I were together for 8 years before we had our twins so I think the foundation in which we started on was already great. Our first year of marriage was a real whirlwind, 4 months of SBR, I don't think he anticipated how much we would really be playing out the "in sickness and in health" words we had exchanged just months prior. My love for him definitely grew stronger as he spent those 4 months doting on me hand and foot.

Once the girls were here. Wow. Things change and people, myself included, can get pretty salty when they're sleep deprived haha but now that our girls are a bit older and we have taken a weekend or a day to ourselves to just spend time with each other, we seem to be rebuilding what may have been pushed aside the last 8 months.

They don't lie when they say "the first year is all about survival!"

babywillmake3

Being pregnant and the hormones associated can cause you to feel differently toward your DH. Plus you are uncomfortable,nearing the end of your pregnancy and your patience. DH is probably the easiest target to get your frustrations out on. Honestly, it may not change for a while once the babies are out yet. It's a whole other ball game.. I remember with my singleton my DH sleeping in our room and I was up for a midnight feeding. The sound of him snoring while I was sleep deprived and having to wake up for work in 2 hours made me batty. I wanted to smother him with the pillow.

But, at the end of the day, when your first year of survival is over it gets better. You get dates hopefully, rekindle your relationship and see what an amazing husband/father to your kid(s) he is and you grow in your relationship and you will hopefully look back and laugh at the crazy stressful moments when you both wanted to strangle each other

megs2011

What pps have said. The 1st year is really rough. Sleep deprivation does a lot to you. With DH, it really doesn't seem like things have changed for him since we've had kids though so I find myself bitter because I'm always home with the girls while he goes out. Keep the lines of communication open. After the first year, things get better.  

amy1007

Having a toddler then twins has definitely changed things. After having twins it got much harder. We are struggling unfortunately. There are just a lot of kids that need attention so not much time for us anymore.

raraavis28

It's encouraging to read the PPs that say it gets better after a year. This first year has been super-tough (esp. since our babies were born the day before our first anniversary, so we really had just a few months of married life before we had to deal w/ twin pregnancy and then twins). I feel like, at 10 months, we're finally adjusting to this craziness that is our normal. It's also true that open communication is key. Misunderstandings are so easy in a hormonal, sleep-deprived, stressed out state. It's also important for both partners to be as "easy" on each other as possible....it's a challenging time for both so be nice and make sure H is nice to you!

katiebenes

our relationship towards the end of pregnancy got lots of fights. Right after birth we were wonderful. Everything was great. now about two months out, we're back to some fighting... Any birth changes relationships though

LottaLattes

We had my kids (from a previous marriage) before the twins, but they are with their dad about half the time. So we got some coparenting practice without it being full time. I actually think parenting older kids can be hard on your marriage too, as you won't always be on the same page, and it is just different. With that said, we had a hard first year with the twins but are definitely getting better again. And it was never as bad as before we had them at all and had so much more time to argue But be patient with each other, it is hard to raise one baby, the other one just adds to it. Oh and he got some good guy advice to just ignore a lot of my roller coaster while pregnant and probably bit half his tongue off not always saying what he wanted, and that helped a lot. Good luck!

mirnb

Pregnancy hormones and for sure a factor.......I tried to check myself before blurting out something I couldn't take back. Once the babies arrive the sleep deprivation can be really hard to handle too......we fought A LOT in the first 3 months (both our boys had colic so that added to the stress level) but once we started to get sleep again and stopped trying to keep track of who did more etc it got a lot better....we went away for a weekend for our anniversary when the boys were 8 months old and it was great...after that we really made dates and making time for us a priority and that is key.....you have your kids for a season but your spouse for a lifetime...don't neglect them!

Jess63085

I lost patience with my husband towards the end of my pregnancy. Everything would annoy me (he chewed too loud, his snoring kept me awake, he breathed too loud, etc). It is pretty much the same now that they're here, maybe even worse. I have no patience, and we're both sleep deprived. Add that to him coming home every day asking if I took a nap (when the heck am I supposed to do that?!) and I snap at him a LOT. His mom came to visit a few weeks ago & spent the whole time telling me I expect him to do too much and I need to let him get some sleep at night cause he has to go to work (cause I sit around doing nothing?!), and that caused a lot of friction between us. I'm worried things will get worse when I go back to work in another month. It's good to know that things will get better.

tootsscott

Jess63085 said:

I lost patience with my husband towards the end of my pregnancy. Everything would annoy me (he chewed too loud, his snoring kept me awake, he breathed too loud, etc). It is pretty much the same now that they're here, maybe even worse. I have no patience, and we're both sleep deprived. Add that to him coming home every day asking if I took a nap (when the heck am I supposed to do that?!) and I snap at him a LOT. His mom came to visit a few weeks ago & spent the whole time telling me I expect him to do too much and I need to let him get some sleep at night cause he has to go to work (cause I sit around doing nothing?!), and that caused a lot of friction between us. I'm worried things will get worse when I go back to work in another month. It's good to know that things will get better.

I'm shaking my head at the bold. That's something my MIL would do.. 

She gave birth to him right.. she remembers what it actually means to physically carry a child? and then immediately go into caring for children with no break/rest? Uh uh! 

Jess63085

I know! She told me all about how she had a difficult labor with him and wasn't able to take care of him at first, she stayed with family who took care of the majority of the duties. But she had 2 other kids before him.

To make things worse, she actually asked me "So what do you DO all day?" It took everything in me not to tear her a new one. Even my husband couldn't believe it when I told him that, he just shook his head. I mean, seriously?!