Late Term and Child Loss

I hate this question

***LO ticker*** So, I kind of hate the question "How are you doing?" Especially when asked by those casual friends who know about our loss but aren't really close. Close friends and family who ask, great, I want to talk about it. But those casual friends and acquaintances, I never know how to respond. I usually just say "Physically, I'm..." and stick to that. How do you think I'm doing? Not good, that's how.
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Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.

Re: I hate this question

  • I used to go with "I have really good days and really bad days. Physically, I'm fine. I'm just surviving." I always thought they felt obligated to ask. I could be completely wrong about it, but that opened-ended question could take all day to answer!
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  • That question really does suck.  In the weeks right after losing Izzie, that question would just piss me off.  I know people were asking because they cared, but it just felt like such a stupid question.  I used to give answers like "i'm just taking it one step at a time" or "just trying to breathe".  It has been 5 months since I lost Izzie and now when I get that question, even if it is some random person that knows nothing of my loss, I always respond with "okay" or "fine".  I very deliberately never say "good", because I still feel like I am just surviving.  So many (((hugs))) to  you!
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  • I hate getting asked that as well.  I know people mean well, but good grief.  I think most of the time it falls into the category of ice breakers (What's up?  How are you doing?  how was your day? etc)  People are being polite and want you to know they are thinking of you, but may not really want an answer. 

    I tend to answer with, "We are hanging in,"  or "We're doing O.K."  Even if the truth is I've been up crying all night and could barely get out of bed this morning.  Like @AJCagle82 said, it's a question that could take all day to answer. 


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    TTC since 2008
    Dh:34, no issues.  Me:31, Endo, slightly hypothyroid, deformed ovary, paracentric inversion.
    4 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone +TI cycles= all BFN
    Lap in 2012 to remove large unresolving cyst discovered endo and double lobed ovary.
     6 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone IUI cycles= All BFN,
    1st IVF w/ICSI- June '13 Antagonist: Gonal-F, Menopur, Ganirelix, HcG, Estradiol, Crinone= 7 retrieved, 4 mature, 1 unfertilized, 2 abnormally fertilized, 1 normally fertilized.  2DT of only embryo and our miracle BFP.
    Our beloved baby boy was born sleeping Oct. 13, 2013 due to pROM/IC/Uterine infection.
    2nd IVF w/ICSI- Feb. '14 EPP/lupron/antagonist: Estrace, lupron, HGH, Gonal-F, Menopur, HcG, PIO, lovenox, doxy/dex.=21 retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized!!  5dt of 1 blast/ 6 frozen. BFP!  Beta 1 9dp5dt:83.9  Beta 2: 11dp5dt: 145.2  Beta 3  14dp5dt: 497  Please be our sticky rainbow baby!

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  • I still hate that question. Not as much as I did, but I still do. People just ask that because they don't know what else to say and it just comes out on autopilot.

    Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS



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  • Do not enjoy. I wrote a whole blog post about these "pleasantries."  Sometimes I have living in the friendly South!

      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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