Disappointed. And just plain sad.

CageyMack

Hey, Peeps.

Just stopping by to breathe a sigh of disappointment. Sadly, my wife's journey to baby-in-bellydom has not been as easy as mine.  I conceived on the first IUI, which I know is unusual, but happened for us.  Now that my wife is trying to carry a baby, it seems the winds just are not blowing her way.  She had to have polyps removed, got put on thyroid meds, and is on her fourth cycle.  What should be easy for her just isn't.  She is fit but not too thin, has never had a drink or a smoke or a drug in her life, has regular periods, and, gosh durn it, just is not pregnant yet.

We are on on her fourth cycle TTC, and we have been using two vials per IUI per cycle (both at the same time, as per RE's suggestion).  Our sperm isn't thawing well, so numbers required the two vials per IUI. After this cycle we will only have 6 left, which might seem like a lot, but isn't if you think we use two per and we might want another child after the one we are trying to make. 

Given all this, we are starting to lean toward IVF.  She can't quite believe that it is coming to that.  I know that many of you can relate--there just seems to be no reason for this!  But that's where we are, just the same. 

If we do IVF, at least we will have some embryos frozen for future use.  So daunting. 

We have insurance coverage for one IVF cycle, which is very, very lucky and we are very thankful for that.  But we don't know how in the world we would pay for a second, should the first not work. I know I'm talking myself right down a path that may not be ours, but we are rather disheartened that this cycle will work--she had three follicles last time (BFN) and only one this time, and it doesn't seem to be growing.

More checking on Monday, and then likely IUI#4 on Tuesday.

Thanks for listening.

kristynlee710

Sorry to hear about your wife. Has you RE suggested Clomid and a trigger before moving to IVF?

trisholio

This is such an emotional and tolling process.  I hope the best for you and your partner.  

I am sending positive thoughts your way for a baby soon!! :-)

2MamazInSeattle

Hey there,

I'm sorry your process has been so frustrating with your wife's attempt to get pregnant. I know lots of people who took the requisite 6 months of trying (or more) to get pregnant with IUI - there's probably not a thing wrong with her, it's just...nature, I guess.

That said - as someone for whom IUI was never an option and IVF was the only option - my two cents is that IVF *is* kinda nice in a lot of ways. Yes, she will go through a couple weeks of yuck for the cycle (which may or may not be a big deal for her - everyone is different), but what you get out of it is an EMBRYO which is very reassuring and basically you get to skip a lot of the worrying, i.e., "did the sperm and egg even meet??"

If your insurance covers it, I guess in my eyes I don't see why you wouldn't just go for it esp. if you want to have a 1/2 genetic sibling for your LO and you're going to run out of sperm. The other thing with IVF - you need 1 vial of sperm . We only ever bought 1.

The only things I'd consider if I was you would be that, if your wife has no actual fert issues or just happens to be a lil' egg machine, you could end up with a lot of embryos (ala @KH826 who got 10 frozen embies in addition to the 2 she transferred!!). You will have to pay annually to store those embies, and, should you get more than you end up using, you'll have to decide what you want done with the leftovers. (Check out embryo donation as an option - as a user of donor egg/donor sperm myself, I'd have loved to adopt embies from a gay couple, but most are donated by straight people who look for straight people to donate to. End shameless plug. It's not for everyone that is for sure and I get that - but the alternative is to donate to science or 'discard' - you have to be prepared to digest that decision.) In any case, these are matters you'd likely face if you go an IVF route.

I guess my last bit of advice - not sure how attached you are to your RE, but go to SART.org and read up the results for your clinic. Not all IVF programs are created equal. Read up on Frozen cycles too - in our case, our fresh cycle was a success (though I lost the baby at 16w for other reasons) but I've not gotten very far with FETs since. Assume you will at some point do a FET and consider that as you select an RE for your IVF cycle. I'd just do a little homework even if you love your doc, if their stats are marginal I'd shop around. Oddly enough most of the clinics are reviewed on yelp (at least where I live) - be sure to read the hidden reviews!! Here, one clinic advertises on yelp and one doesn't; the one who doesn't has all crappy reviews and the one that does has glowing reviews. Until you read the hidden ones - in which case they are basically equal - but still, you can read and see the complaints and compliments and judge what feels right and is most important to you.

Again, sorry you are at this point - but, having insurance for an IVF cycle is a great thing and sounds like it might be just the right path for you! PM me anytime if you want.

 

StacyLH24

Sorry to hear your wife's journey hasn't been what you thought/hoped it might be. It definitely can be a frustrating process.

I agree with @2Mamaz, if you have the coverage for an IVF cycle, go for it if you feel comfortable. My insurance will cover endless IUIs, but no IVF unfortunately. I have called twice just to make sure. Moving to IVF was my plan C just because the odds are much higher that we will have a baby in the end. We simply cannot afford to pay for IVF without insurance coverage. Not any time soon anyway.

There is a lot to consider certainly. I keep reminding myself that for even a healthy straight couple, it can take 3-6 months. And they have free access to an endless amount of sperm.

I'm currently in the 2WW of our third cycle. We will do IUIs until we get a child (we would like two) or we can't take it anymore. Besides adoption, that's all we have...unless we become wealthy in the near future (not likely).

Make a pros and cons list of all of your options and move forward with a plan that you feel good about. It is always ok to revisit, evaluate and pick a new plan. You aren't out for this cycle yet, so who knows, this could be the one!

CageyMack

Thank you all for your good wishes and thoughts on this.

@kristynlee--DW has been on injectables and trigger shot for all cycles, monitored, too, which is great for actually seeing those follicles grow.

@trisholio--thanks for the good wishes. I feel 'em!

@2Mamaz--thank you so much for all your thoughts. I really feel encouraged by your take on IVF. I really, really love the idea of knowing we have an embryo! Regarding the RE, we feel pretty good about him. Apparently, the clinic is one of the top ones in the nation and he has some cool a machine that lets them look at the eggs in their wee incubator. Their rates are high, which is great. Because of where we live, he is pretty much the only show in town, so it's good we like him. And yes, we will need to have serious thoughts about our embryos, if we get to that point. Thank you again, I really can't say enough how much I appreciate your response.

@Stacy--thank you for your thoughts on this. Yes, even one IVF cycle covered makes a world of difference. We are really thankful. I wish that there was better coverage universally so all couples had it as an option. And you are totally right: this cycle is still in play! Maybe 4 is our lucky number!

clairmeij

Sending HUGE BIG LOVE. I got pregnant on my fifth try. I had no medical problems and am very regular. After the third try I pushed the doctor to use meds because I was so disheartened. I know how awful those 'negative' test results are, but I'm sending you both strength and courage, because when that BFP comes - and I really hope it will - you very quickly forget the emotions that you are dealing with now.