PAL Check In

Mrs Nice

Welcome to Friday PAL Checkin! This CheckIn is for everyone who is parenting after a loss. If you have an older child or a rainbow baby or both you are welcome to share here.

I hope everyone is having a good week. If anyone has any suggestions for questions, please don't be shy!

Where are you in your PAL journey?

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently?

QOTW: Will you be dressing your LO's up for Halloween? If so, what will their costumes be?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Mrs Nice

Where are you in your PAL journey? It has been 2yrs, 7+ mths since I lost Ian, Z is just over 20 mths old, and I am Pg with # 3 due May 2014.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? I still grieve for Ian constantly but DH seems to have completely moved on. I am finding it harder to talk about Ian with him as time goes on. It hurts because you would think that he would be the one person I should be able to talk to him about.

QOTW: Will you be dressing your LO's up for Halloween? If so, what will their costumes be? Z will be a Pirate Parrot. I'm excited for him to have his first trick-or-treating experience!!

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I wish I could be a SAHM. I hate working the long hours that I have to. I miss so much with Z. :-(

stefuge

Sorry - on the iPad. Where are you in your PAL journey? This is all still pretty fresh. Our older son is 3, so we are dealing with his independence and defiance lately. He started preschool a week before I was in the hospital delivering our angel, so it has been a rough and confusing couple of months for him. Trying to stay "normal" for him but also help him to understand what has happened and why we are sad. What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? Knowing how best to help our older son deal with and understand our loss. Will you be dressing your LO's up for Halloween? If so, what will their costumes be? DS is going as an airplane. He is very excited! Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I head back to work in a week, and I am nervous about my stamina to keep up with everything but also have time to grieve as I need to.

jbranden12

Where are you in your PAL journey? Anna is 9.5 months actual, 6.5 adjusted.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? We are going into the second holiday season when Patricia should be with us. It's tough imagining all the things she should be doing with her new baby sister!

QOTW: Will you be dressing your LO's up for Halloween? If so, what will their costumes be? Anna will be a banana. I call her banana so often, she probably thinks it's her name!

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I am wondering if and when my cycle will return. We're going into the holiday season, the season for which the past two years I  have been pregnant. I miss being pregnant and want to be again, even though I have now had a stillbirth at 31 weeksand IC at 26 weeks :-(. Trouble is, I don't want to have to wean to get pg especially since Anna really needs breastmilk through flu/rsv season in April. 

jbranden12

Mrs Nice said:

I am finding it harder to talk about Ian with him as time goes on. It hurts because you would think that he would be the one person I should be able to talk to him about. 

I'm sorry you're having this issue. Could it be that you are catching him at a bad time? DH and I most often talk about Patricia when we are on walks with Anna and there is nothing to distract us. 

jbranden12

stefuge said:

I head back to work in a week, and I am nervous about my stamina to keep up with everything but also have time to grieve as I need to.

Good luck! I went back to work 10 days after Patricia was born sleeping. For weeks, I sat in the parking lot before entering the building and cried. I usually cried 1-2 times a day in the bathroom as well. For me, once those emotions begin bubbling, I have to let them out or I'll be on the verge of tears all day. I recommend finding a place you can go when you need to to let them out. When people asked how I was, I usually said something like "It's hard, but I'm still standing." 

Auki13

Where are you in your PAL journey?  Annabelle would have turned 2 in July.  My rainbow is 10 months. I also have 2 sunshine kids who are 6 and 4.

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? The biggest challenge is that as time goes on I feel like more and more people expect everything to be ok.  I still want to talk about Annabelle, and I feel (even though nothing has ever been said) like people just want me to over it.

QOTW: Will you be dressing your LO's up for Halloween? If so, what will their costumes be? My 6 year old is going to be Batman, my 4 year old Cinderella, and my rainbow is going to be a tiger (It's actually a costume I got for my oldest, but he absolutely refused to wear it, so I am hoping we get some use out of it this year)

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  I have 3 living children and I know I am so incredibly lucky, but I feel like after losing Annabelle I will always be jealous of happy pregnant women.  Even if I have a million more, I will never be obliviously happy in pregnancy again and that makes me so sad.